Category: Now THIS Is A Masterpiece

The Internet Roasted Chaka Khan For Her National Anthem Performance

February 17, 2020 / Posted by:

Almost two years ago, to the DAY, Fergie took an artistic risk on a little song called the Star-Spangled Banner, and America had no choice but to fall to their knees. No, they weren’t protesting. They were worshipping. Because they knew Fergie’s warbling, Ambien-induced, Twins Peaks-inspired ode to Lana Del Ray’s SNL performance had officially changed the anthem game forever. Case in point, living Chaka Khan’s performance. 

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Open Post: Hosted By A New Jersey High School’s Awesome Theater Production Of “Alien”

March 24, 2019 / Posted by:

Apparently high schools are tired of boring, predictable plays with salesman deaths and songs about a somewhere over the rainbow. That’s no fun! If you’re going to do drama bring the DRAMA! This is the lesson being taught by New Jersey’s North Bergen High School Drama Club because they decided to celebrate Halloween early this year by performing a staged version of the classic sci-fi horror film Alien.

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If Fergie Was Going For “Extra Horny Jessica Simpson After Hardcore Dental Surgery,” She Nailed It!

February 19, 2018 / Posted by:

The makers of Alocane emergency burn gel are popping bottles of champagne this morning since sales are probably at an all-time high from people running their asses out to Walgreens to buy some as torturous flames burned their eardrums from Fergie shrieking out the National Anthem last night. She sounded like a deranged cat doing the worst Amy Winehouse impersonation ever as someone shoves its tail into a garbage disposal. But while many are reporting Fergie to the authorities for viciously murdering their sense of hearing and the National Anthem, I’m saluting her for sharting out the most entertaining version of the Star-Spangled Banner (more like the Dirt Star-Mangled Banner) since The Cheetah Girls. Fergie’s rendition was a masterpiece from her sexily strutting up to the mic like somebody’s drunk mom doing Marilyn Monroe’s Happy Birthday, Mr. President number to her thinking she killed it at the end. She killed it alright, and she also killed millions of eardrums and face muscles from cringing so hard. This is the version of the National Anthem we deserve right now, honestly.

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