Insanely rich rapper/owner of Toronto (he is, I live here) Drake threw up a thirst trap to his Instagram page yesterday showing off his shirtless body. Drake was obviously trying to make us drool over his hours in the gym listening to Taylor Swift music–but some claimed that his abs weren’t the result of hard work. They claimed they were the result of a plastic surgeon’s scalpel, and this isn’t the first time Drake’s been accused of getting the celebrity abs special.
You know when Tim Gunn used to warn Project Runway contestants about making sure their looks don’t go too costumey? It always turned out to be pretty solid advice, and contestants who didn’t heed his warnings were usually sent home. I always imagined those losing designers slipped quietly away to careers in the circus or on the drag circuit. But judging from the runway at last night’s Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas, some of them went on to have lucrative careers making costumes for remakes of popular movies.
It’s been over 10 years since The Hurt Locker won the Academy Award for Best Picture. That means it’s ripe for a remake. In this version, Mustard has the nerve wracking job of diffusing Mariah Carey’s Lush bath bombs. It’s a dangerous job, but Mustard’s just the man to do it. Look, he’s on the hair brush right now, getting dispatched to his next mission. They’ve found a Bom Perignon in Mimi’s toilet!
Let me (quickly) introduce myself. I am Deirdre from Boston, and yes Ben Affleck and I are responsible for bringing Dunkin’ Donuts to the West Coast! I am an avid pop culture junkie and am beyond humbled to be writing for Dlisted. I hope to be a worthy garbage and bone collector who can sometimes put my thoughts into grammatically correct sentences. I’m not making too many promises though as English is my first and only language and I only went to college for 5 years and a summer. Ok. Two summers. But I did graduate with(out) honors and now I am writing for Dlisted, so to quote Scheana from Vanderpump Rules‘ tattoo, one of the greatest pieces of poetry and art to come out of our generation, “It’s all happening!”
Now onto important breaking news like Drake’s ability to put together an outfit for the bargain price of just under a million dollars.
You won’t see Drake doing the moonwalk anytime soon. Mostly because he only knows how to do that one Kiki challenge dance, but also because he’s not fucking with Michael Jackson anymore. According to Complex, Drake’s just made a last minute change to his setlist for the kickoff of his tour in Manchester, England this past weekend. Drake won’t be performing “Don’t Matter to Me” off his Scorpion album, which featured “previously unheard vocals from Michael Jackson”. Oops, maybe he can ask the Jackson Estate if he can get his money back.
I don’t know if Drake has secret cancer or what but he’s been blowing through little Adonis’ inheritance at an alarming rate these past few months. He recently bought himself a $400,000 iPhone case for Valentine’s Day which he has probably already dropped in the toilet a few times. And now he’s just dropped $1.4 million on a car which he bought with the help of his “Bespoker”. I hear you, what the actual fuck is a Bespoker? If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.
While I awaited the candy at CVS to go on sale the day after Valentine’s Day, the Champagne Papi Drake was out here ballin’ just because. And why shouldn’t he? After pretending he didn’t care about winning a Grammy last week he needed something cheap to ensure he stayed humble like the working class. So why not drop $400,000 on a phone case for a device he’ll toss away in about six months? Yes, that’s the mere definition of practicality.