Nine Inch Nails was one of those bands I pretended to like when I was a kid in an attempt to seem cool. All I really knew about them was their lead singer seemed angry, and that someone accidentally put the second N backwards on their logo (that’s why you don’t go use a discount graphic designer!). Well, several decades on, and their lead singer Trent Reznor is still angry about stuff. In a weirdly random turn, one of the things he’s angry about is Ashton Kutcher. Not as random: Trump.
It’s been a while since the true heyday of Ashton Kutcher, when he was wearing Von Dutch hats and Kabbalah string while boning any side piece who would listen to him talk about Twitter while then-wife Demi Moore was out of town. These days, I just figured he and now-wife Mila Kunis lived off her Jim Beam bucks, showed up on the Bachelorette and occasionally acted in a shitty movie to pay for all those courtside seats. Seriously, the only person to go to more basketball games than those two is mid-90s Madonna, and that was only because she was a warm-up for the Chicago Bulls.
Ashton Kutcher was given the Robert D. Ray Pillar of Character Award from Drake University, and UsWeekly says the award is given to individuals “who demonstrate good character as a role model.” Apparently Drake University thought that was Ashton Kutcher.
It’s not unusual for award show speeches to be the kind that start out all breathless with a “Wow wow wow!” and end with a corny joke about how it’s time for their kids watching at home to go to bed. But since Trump is in a race against himself to be the worst human alive with a fountain pen, the tone of the speeches at the SAG Awards last night was a whole lot more serious.
Shortly after Charlie Sheen took a blowtorch to the bridge connecting him with Two and a Half Men back in 2011, he immediately shit-talked his replacement, Ashton Kutcher.Well, Charlie has finally recognized what a goblin he was to Ashton.
When this picture of Natalie Portman was taken at the No Strings Attached premiere, people probably assumed she was making that “Let’s just get this over with” face because Ashton Kutcher’s douche pheromones were starting to give her a headache. Now we know that it could have been because she’s wondering why the hell the dude beside her got paid three times as much for the same movie.