If I was walking down the street and suddenly got hit by a car driven by Ashton Kutcher, I would pull out my wallet and ask: “So how many dollars do you stuff in here before I agree not to call a lawyer?” But when Ashton Kutcher recently hit a man on a scooter, it ended with a photo posted to Instagram.
Having famous, rich, attractive parents sounds like winning the kid lottery. But for Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher’s kids, it’s closer to winning $200 on a scratcher than hitting it big on Powerball. The Kunis-Kutchers are planning to eschew nepotism and force their kids make it on their own. According E!, Ashton appeared on his Punk’d pal Dax Shepard’s Armchair Expert podcast and revealed that his kids aren’t getting trust funds from mommy and daddy.
Breakups can be a real bitch on the emotions and tear ducts, but I always view them as an excuse to binge eat, toss back a liter of whiskey, and listen to my Spotify playlist called “Sylvia Plath Fantasia.” Not everyone takes my approach (idiots), and that includes Ashton Kutcher. He’s blabbing this week that he handled his divorce with Demi Moore by living for two weeks like I imagine a Björk/Bon Iver baby would live out a lifetime by fasting and living in the woods for a week. Continue reading
It’s three weeks until Halloween, which means we’re already…what, two, three weeks into talking about Christmas. Mila Kunis has Christmas on the brain, because she’s promoting A Bad Moms Christmas. She’s also a mom to two little kids. So what how are Mila and Ashton Kutcher celebrating Christmas with their kids this year? Well, not with presents, that’s for sure.
Nine Inch Nails was one of those bands I pretended to like when I was a kid in an attempt to seem cool. All I really knew about them was their lead singer seemed angry, and that someone accidentally put the second N backwards on their logo (that’s why you don’t go use a discount graphic designer!). Well, several decades on, and their lead singer Trent Reznor is still angry about stuff. In a weirdly random turn, one of the things he’s angry about is Ashton Kutcher. Not as random: Trump.
It’s been a while since the true heyday of Ashton Kutcher, when he was wearing Von Dutch hats and Kabbalah string while boning any side piece who would listen to him talk about Twitter while then-wife Demi Moore was out of town. These days, I just figured he and now-wife Mila Kunis lived off her Jim Beam bucks, showed up on the Bachelorette and occasionally acted in a shitty movie to pay for all those courtside seats. Seriously, the only person to go to more basketball games than those two is mid-90s Madonna, and that was only because she was a warm-up for the Chicago Bulls.