Category: Another One Bites The Dust

Nicollette Sheridan Is Getting Divorced After Being Secret Married For Six Months

July 21, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s 2016, so the paps aren’t exactly camped out at Nicollette Sheridan’s front door. That’s truly shameful, since the current Queen of Hallmark movies deserves nothing less than round-the-clock attention. Nicollette leads a pretty private life. So private in fact that when she got married six months ago, nobody noticed. Again, shameful; the marriage of the star of A Christmas Spirit should be important.

The point is, Nicollette was married, but she doesn’t want to be married anymore. According to People, Nicollette filed for divorce from her husband of six months, Aaron Phypers, last week. Nicollette lists the date of separation as June 19, and blames “irreconcilable differences.” She has also asked the divorce court to reject Aaron’s request for spousal support in the event he ends up doing that.

Nicollette and Aaron started dating in December 2014 and got secret married a year later. This is Nicollette’s second divorce and Aaron’s…I’m not sure. That’s literally all that is known about the situation. Aaron Phypers is a mystery; according to his Twitter account, which only has three tweets and hasn’t been active in five years, he’s from Toronto. He’s also an aspiring actor who auditioned for 2011’s Conan the Barbarian. Forget Conan; Aaron should really send this tape to Mitch Hurwitz. If Arrested Development ever gets a fifth season, Aaron would be perfect to play Steve Holt’s buff older brother.

Aaron is hot in an HGTV way (I’m not the only one who sees a No Name Scott McGillivray, right?), he’s not a thirsty fame whore, he gives it 110% in auditions, and he shows up looking cute on the red carpet. Sorry, but what irreconcilable differences?

Here’s Nicollette, Aaron and her giant wedding ring at a Hallmark Channel event in January.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Lady Gaga And Taylor Kinney’s Relationship Has Hit Its Expiration Date

July 19, 2016 / Posted by:

This will be very sad news for anyone who was waiting with anticipation to see what kind of busted bridal-style nonsense Lady Gaga would bring to her wedding. On the plus side, I’m sure we’ll all be happy to read some news about a famous person named Taylor that isn’t about Taylor Swift. After five years together, TMZ says that Lady Gaga and her fiancé Taylor Kinney are over. Gaga split with Taylor before she got married to him? How very un-Madonna of her.

Sources say Gaga and Taylor called it quits earlier this month, but can’t say who dumped who. TMZ says Gaga sort-of subtly confirmed she was un-engaged last week by strutting around Malibu without the giant swap meet-looking engagement ring Taylor gave her on Valentine’s Day in 2015. Gaga is currently in Cabo San Lucas and TMZ says she’s been seen without her ring there too.

Gaga and Taylor met on the set of the video for “You and I” back in 2011. They share two French bulldogs, Koji and Miss Asia Kinney, and a “But why???“-worthy post-sex nude cover for V magazine.

Neither Gaga nor Taylor have said anything about this yet. Taylor seems like a quiet type, so I don’t know if we should expect him to say much about this situation. Gaga, on the other hand. I’m actually a little shocked she didn’t announce the news herself by stepping out of her apartment wearing a cape made from torn-up wedding invitations and a bikini made from moldy wedding cake samples with glittery blue tears painted on her face.

UsWeekly is also confirming that Gaga and Taylor are over. No word on who the source of this information is. My guess is the press were tipped off by that engagement ring, and it did it for revenge. And I don’t blame it. I’d spill the tea too if Gaga left my ass at home in a boring old jewelry box while she went and partied it up in Cabo. Rings deserve a vacation too, Gaga!

Pic: Splash

Joshua Jackson And Diane Kruger Are Done After 10 Years

July 18, 2016 / Posted by:

I don’t know if this makes cucumbers happy or sad, but I do know that now it’s safe for Joshua Jackson’s friends and family to eat cucumbers at his house again. Maybe.

Many relationships in Hollywood last about as long as a bag of Hostess Donnettes in my kitchen cabinet (read: 14.5 seconds), so 40-year-old Diane Kruger and 38-year-old Joshua Jackson truly slaughtered and butchered the odds by staying together for 10 years. But after a decade, they have decided that they are done with looking at each other’s face and rubbing fuck parts on the regular. Your late-90s self can open up those legs and celebrate, because Pacey is single!

Both Diane and Joshua’s rep gave this generic statement to People:

“Diane Kruger and Josh Jackson have decided to separate and remain friends.”

Diane and Joshua owns houses together in NYC, Paris and Vancouver so they’ll have to split that shit up.

This news may bring a “duh” out of your brain if you still remember last December, when Diane supposedly straddled and sucked on the face of Norman Reedus at a bar in NYC while Joshua was in the Philippines. Denials were made, and a couple of months later, Diane and Joshua posed together at the opening night of his Off-Broadway play.

THE PLOT THICKENS (not really), because Diane and Norman Reedus were photographed together (2nd row, last picture) at a birthday party in Tuscany earlier this month, and she was also papped with Pacey last Friday.

Releasing this news when the tabloids and everyone else has their noses straight up into the greasy bowels of that Taylor v. Kimye shit is a smart move. So if Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx want to confirm that they’ve been married for a year, now is the time. And if John Travolta wants to announce that he quit Scientology and is now living with his wigmaker boyfriend, now is a good time for that too. Everyone would be like, “John Travolta came out? Who cares! Taylor Swift just tweeted a winking emoji. We need to write a 1,800 word article on that!

Here’s Joshua and his mom in L.A. over a week ago, and Diane in NYC a few days ago.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Lisa Marie Presley’s Latest Marriage Is Over

June 28, 2016 / Posted by:

According to TMZ, Lisa Marie Presley has filed for divorce from her husband of ten years Michael Lockwood. Lisa cited “irreconcilable differences“, and reportedly filed papers a couple weeks ago on June 13th. Lisa Marie has requested full custody of their 7-year-old twin daughters, Harper and Finley, with monitored visitation for Michael. She’s not asking for any spousal support or child support. But that’s kind of a duh, since being Elvis Presley’s sole heir is the kind of thing that keeps your bank account tight for life.

This is Lisa’s fourth time writing her name on divorce papers. She was married to the father of her two older children, musician Danny Keough, for six years. In 1994 she was inducted into the Relationships That Make No Sense wing of the WTF Hall of Fame by getting married to Michael Jackson. They got divorced two years later in 1996. In 2002, she kept the “getting married to crazy” train going by getting married to Nicolas Cage. Just like her marriage to MJ, she called it quits with Nicolas Cage after two years of marriage. Two years after that, she got married to musician and major hat enthusiast Michael Lockwood.

I wonder who David Miscavige’s worst nightmare will get married to next? Lisa’s husbands include a musician, an iconic celebrity, an actor who takes his job really seriously and is kind of crazy, and a dude who dresses in a style I can best describe as Sunset Strip Steampunk. You know, it kinda sounds like Lisa’s dream man is Johnny Depp. Lisa Marie, you need to love yourself more, girl.

But enough about Lisa Marie – let’s take a look back at Michael Lockwood’s hats! TMZ says that Lisa Marie and Michael signed a postnup (ie. a prenup signed after marriage), and I’m really hoping one of the conditions of their postnup is that Michael gets custody of his hat collection. Because it’s pretty obvious from the pictures below that his true love is those hats. I’d hate to see them get separated.

Pics: Wenn.com

Nicolas Cage And Alice Kim Are Over

June 24, 2016 / Posted by:

“FINALLY! I got it!”, screamed someone, who back in 2004, bet money that then-40-year-old Nicolas Cage and his then-20-year-old bride Alice Kim would last a little under 12 years.

People says that back in January, Nicolas Cage and his third wife Alice Kim separated the same way he separated from reality eons ago. Neither of them have filed for divorce yet. Nicolas and Alice first met at an L.A. restaurant where she was working as a server. They got engaged two months later, and married at a ranch in Northern California in August 2004. Two years later, Alice birthed out their only kid together, a son, and he became a member of The Fucked-Up Celebrity Baby Name Club when they named him Kal-el Coppola Cage. Kal-el is 10 now.

These two have mostly been low-key, except for the time a drunken Nicolas Cage got put into handcuffs in New Orleans for pushing Alice during a fight in the street and for getting mouthy with the cops.

Nic Cage was married to Patricia Arquette for 5 years, was married to Lisa Marie Presley for about 5 minutes, and he made karate-kicking prince of goth Weston Cage with model Christina Fulton.

Many have said that Nicolas Cage is as broke as his hairline. I mean, he owed (and may still owe) millions to the IRS and he’s had to sell his English castle and many of his weird artifacts to pay them. So what is left for Alice?! The definition of “fuck my life” would be redefined if after 12 years of dealing with a throbbing rocket of crazy, Alice learned that all she’s going to get in the divorce settlement is the femur bone of King Tut’s makeup artist.

And well, now Nicolas Cage is free to be with his real soulmate Vince Neil.

Here’s Nic and Alice throughout the years:

Pics: Wenn.com

HBO Was Just Kidding When They Renewed “Vinyl” For A Second Season

June 22, 2016 / Posted by:

I really wanted to love Vinyl. It had 70s fashions, 70s glamour, 70s music, Olivia Wilde in a chocha rug, Bobby Cannavale’s hairy nips and plenty of busted down gutter wigs. It had all the ingredients for a masterpiece. But I only made it halfway through episode 3 before I said, screw it, and watched Boogie Nights for the 4,500th time instead. Just days after Vinyl’s pilot episode aired, HBO announced they were renewing it even though the ratings weren’t that great. But today, HBO said that after careful consideration (aka they looked at the show’s crazy high budget and rising cost of chocha rugs) they have decided to chop up the Martin Scorsese and Mick Jagger-produced show into several lines and snort it all up. They’ve reversed the renewal and canned that shit. They released this statement:

 “After careful consideration, we have decided not to proceed with a second season of Vinyl. Obviously, this was not an easy decision. We have enormous respect for the creative team and cast for their hard work and passion on this project.”

I’m going to take a wild guess and say that 98% of the tricks who watched Vinyl only watched it because they wanted to see Bobby Cannavale in black chonies and a Vinnie Barbarino wig. So I have an idea. In Vinyl’s place, HBO should show reruns of one of its greatest shows, Six Feet Under, and get Bobby Cannavale to introduce each episode while wearing black chonies and a Vinnie Barbarino wig. HBO wouldn’t have a roof anymore because the ratings would knock it right the fuck off.

Screen shot: ausCAPS 

Hilary Swank And Her Fiancé Are Over After Two Months Of Being Engaged

June 6, 2016 / Posted by:

It looks like we have yet another relationship to throw onto the burning pile of famous people relationships. Except this time, it concerns a famous person that I forgot was engaged. That’s what happens when you don’t spend your vacation choreographing cheesy photo shoots for Instagram?

According to UsWeekly, Hilary Swank, star of The Next Karate Kid, has called it quits with her tennis coach fiancé, Ruben Torres. Hilary and Ruben got engaged a little over two months ago after dating for about a year. Something must have turned shitty during the wedding planning, because a rep for Hilary tells UsWeekly that a wedding isn’t going to happen. Hilary subtly confirmed she was done with Ruben by deleting any traces of him from her Instagram page, including a picture from March that was taken shortly after he proposed. She also showed up to the French Open this weekend without her engagement ring on.

This would have been Hilary’s second marriage. Hilary was married to Chad Lowe from 1997 to 2007.

Hilary’s rep didn’t give a reason for why they were calling off their engagement. But I really wish they did, because now my mind is running through all the possible dramatic situations that could kill an engagement after barely two months. Did Hilary catch Reuben “playing doubles” with someone else? Did she “return” the ring? Did Hilary “spin” another dude’s “balls“? I know that last one makes zero sense, but I’m totally in the dark here and I’m running out of tennis puns. Help me out, Hillary’s rep!

Here’s a single and ready to mingle Hilary at the French Open this weekend. Leonardo DiCaprio was also there. I’d make a joke about Hilary setting off his Available Woman Nearby radar, but as if Leo would ever have sex with someone who has more Oscars than him (“Two? You have two?? I don’t feel well, I’m going home.”)

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Taylor Swift And Calvin Harris’ Eternal Love Has Died After Only 15 Months

June 1, 2016 / Posted by:

Why do I have a feeling that Taylor Swift’s record label is registering the album title “Last Night A DJ RUINED My Life” right now?

Here I was preparing my eye rolling muscles for maximum use, because I thought that Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris were going to get engaged any second and celebrate their engagement with photo-ops where she’d flash her engagement ring (a Sweet Secret with a real pink diamond in its body), but that’s not going to happen. Wonder Bread Barbie and Wonder Bread Ken have broken up after 15 long months.

People, UsWeekly, TMZ and everybody else all posted the break-up of Tayvin at the same time and I’m guessing they all got it from the same source (Hi, Tay Tay’s publicist!). But another source tells E! News that during homeroom, it was Calvin who passed Taylor a folded broken heart note and in it, it read, “We’re dun 🙁“.

“This all happened last week.

Taylor and Adam had no big blowout fight, but the romance just was not there anymore for them. Adam is the one that ended it. It was all done in a very mature fashion. Taylor is pretty upset but they are still in communication. Taylor was there for Adam with his accident and supportive.”

So Calvin dumped her ass after he was in that bad car accident? I guess it’s true what they say. Your life really does flash before your eyes when you’re in an accident. Obviously those cringe-inducing vacation pics with Taylor flashed before Calvin’s eyes and so he quit her. But I do have to throw a “ho, please” at the break-up being mature and non-dramatic. Taylor doesn’t do mature and drama-free, and since she thinks she’s all edgy and grunge now, we’re probably going to get her version of Alanis’ “You Oughtta Know.” But instead of singing “Would she go down on you in a theater?”, she’s going to sing, “Would she cut your sandwich into a heart shape?” Everybody brace themselves!

Pic:@taylorswift

Amber Heard And Johnny Depp Are Over (UPDATE)

May 25, 2016 / Posted by:

Dramatically throw a black lace mourning scarf around your neck, because Amber Heard is done with being married to Johnny Depp after only 15 months. TMZ says that Amber filed papers on Monday to legally quit Johnny’s ass, and she did it just days after his mom died. January Jones is about to pass her ice cold queen crown to Amber Heard.

Entertainment Tonight says that Johnny’s mother, Betty Sue Palmer, died on May 20 in Los Angeles after being sick for a while. She was 81. Johnny and his mom were apparently really close. TMZ says that in the divorce documents Amber filed, she lists May 22 as the day they broke up for good. Amber says that “irreconcilable differences” is the reason why she wants to become Johnny Depp’s second ex-wife.

Like most of us, Johnny must have thought that this blessed union with Amber was going to last until eternity, because they didn’t sign a prenup. Amber wants spousal support, because duh. If you married someone who brings in millions of dollars yearly and they didn’t make you sign a prenup, you have to try to get a piece of the pie or you won’t be able to leave your house without getting covered in spit from other gold diggers who are sickened by you.

Because of the whole “no prenup” thing and the rumors about how their marriage was eating shit only six seconds after it began, this could get messier than the dental bib that Johnny wears during his visit to the dentist every 15 years. (UPDATE: TMZ says that Johnny has already filed his response and wants the court to trash Amber’s spousal support request.)

It must have been a really hard decision for Amber to make, because now that she’s not with Johnny Depp, she’s going to get less chances to throw down her pose game in front of a sea photographers at events. But then again, she’s a part of DC now and every one of those movies will have at least 50 premieres, so she’ll be fine. And really, after Amber and Johnny made that masterpiece hostage video together, she probably figured that their marriage had peaked and they’d never create anything as magnificent as that together again.

The good news for Johnny is that now he, his true soulmate Barnaby Joyce and Boo & Pistol can be one big happy family, at last.

Pic: TMZ

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