After more than five together, Lena Dunham and Jack Antonoff have reportedly called it quits. If this breakup news had happened a year ago, this would be where I might wonder who gets custody of Lamby Antonoff. But we all know that ain’t going to be an issue.
When it was announced back in September that 51-year-old Halle Berry was hooking up with 35-year-old British music producer Alex da Kid, I predicted that it would end like 99.999999% of Halle’s relationships: in a blaze of messy drama. InTouch Weekly says that Halle and Mr. da Kid are no more, and I was wrong – it only ended barely dramatically.
According to a source, Halle broke it off with Alex while they were on vacation in Bora Bora late last month. The source says Halle realized halfway through their trip that it wasn’t working between them, so she broke up with him and left. But what went wrong? The source says Halle came to the conclusion that Alex was too young for her.
“Halle decided he was too young and his communication skills were terrible. She said she needs someone who can think for themselves and is mature, smart and all-around adventurous. The last thing Halle needs is to be in a long-term relationship with a man who doesn’t express himself well.”
Okay, but he at least expressed himself better than Halle’s last two partners, right?
To be fair to Alex, he’s 35. Halle is 51. She probably felt like she was communicating with a different species. And to break up with him mid-vacation tells me their conversations were really getting on her nerves. My guess she realized it was officially over after he referred to the island they were on as “B-squared” or the first time he asked “Gilligan’s what-now?”
Theresa Caputo, aka the Long Island Medium, and her husband Larry Caputo have announced they’re splitting up after 28 years of marriage. Theresa and Larry released a statement to People, but they don’t really say why. I’m sure that’s because Theresa is waiting to reveal it all for six-part TLC special in which she uses her “special powers” to contact to her marriage from beyond the grave and figure out how it died.
And there it goes, my hope of reading a future wedding day story about Jennifer Lawrence tripping repeatedly down the aisle in a busted Dior wedding gown while Darren Aronofsky waits impatiently at the end in his finest formal scarf. People magazine is reporting that JLaw and Darren have called it quits after a little more than a year of dating.
In news that I’m sure has nothing to do with those incriminating pictures of Justin Bieber having breakfast with Selena Gomez, People is reporting that Selena and The Weeknd are over after 10 months of dating.
Tamar Braxton’s marriage to Vince Herbert has had one foot in the grave for a while now, all thanks to some cheating allegations and general Braxton-style drama. Last month she announced she was retiring from music in an attempt to keep her marriage alive. Well, a month later, and TMZ says that she’s done trying to save her marriage to Vince.