Category: Another One Bites The Dust

Naya Rivera Has Filed For Divorce From Ryan Dorsey

November 21, 2016 / Posted by:

After being married for a little over two years, Naya Rivera doesn’t want to be married to Pitch cast-member (job upgrade!) Ryan Dorsey anymore. Naya’s first  fiancé Big Sean totally just made a look that says, “Oh yeah, didn’t see that one coming.

TMZ says that Naya filed for divorce last week and she’s asking for primary physical custody of their 1-year-old son Josey Dorsey, with visitation rights for Ryan. Reps for Naya and Ryan released a standard celebrity split statement about the whole thing.

“After much consideration, we have made the decision to end our marriage. Our priority is and always will be our beautiful son that we share together. We will continue to be great co-parenting partners for him. We ask for respect and privacy for our family during this difficult time.”

If we’re going on Naya’s version of “privacy“, then expect it to be a matter of time before she takes this “private” matter to Twitter, and Instagram, and Snapchat, and an episode of Ellen, and anywhere else she can get a little attention. That statement says nothing about what made Naya decide to file for divorce. My guess is she was sick and tired of Ryan panicking every time she leaned in too close to a candle and started screaming about how plastic is flammable. That kind of bummer energy can really kill the mood.

Pic: Wenn.com

JLo’s Homewrecking Lips Destroyed Skeletor’s Latest Marriage (Not Really)

November 18, 2016 / Posted by:

Last night, Jennifer Lopez decided that she wanted to feel the cold and chilling touch of Skeletor’s lips again and so they kissed onstage at the Latin Grammy Awards. And today we find out that Marc Anthony’s marriage to his third wife Shannon De Lima is sinking to the bottom of the moat around Castle Grayskull after only 2 years of being married. JLo’s chocha reportedly doesn’t have anything to do with this break-up, but if it did, homewreckers would proclaim her their new Jedi homewrecking master for fucking up the marriage that came before and after hers. That takes skill!

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Bella Hadid And The Weeknd Are No More

November 11, 2016 / Posted by:

Both People and Page Six are saying that the dead-eyed love affair of our time is over. Auxiliary Hadid sister Bella Hadid and the guy who sounds like what a Michael Mann movie feels like The Weeknd have called it quits after a year and a half together. A source tells People the broke up because they were both too busy to be together.

“Their schedules have been too hard to coordinate and he is focusing on finishing and promoting his album. They still have a great deal of love for one another and will remain friends.”

A source tells Page Six that The Weeknd has already been leading that single life and is “chatting up girls.” No word on what the conversations have been like, but my guess is the words “no, there’s no third E” have been said a lot. Page Six adds that Bella and The Weeknd (which totally sounds like an 80s new wave group from Italy) started the slow crawl to splitsville back in September.

The bad thing about Bella and The Weeknd breaking up is that it was probably really hard for them to read each other’s feelings during the whole thing.

The Weeknd (monotone The Weeknd voice): “I am just so crushed by this.

Bella Hadid: “Can you not tell by the look on my face that I am too?

The Weeknd: “Honestly?…not really.

Here’s a newly-single Bella Hadid in Beverly Hills yesterday .

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

The Classiest And Most Modest Wedding Of Our Time Is Off!

October 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Everyone has the sads today. Humanity has the sads because we’ve been cheated out of video clips of Mariah Carey cooing out her vows (read: lyrics from one of her songs) while wearing a modest ensemble (read: a pink diamond-encrusted bodysuit with a 25-foot long train) and standing next to a witness (read: the real Lisa Frank) at the City Clerk’s Office (read: an exact replica of Cinderella’s Castle that she had built in her backyard). Hello Kitty has the sads because she won’t get to walk Mimi down the aisle anytime soon. And Mimi’s bank accounts have the sads, because now she has to spend her own money since she and Billionaire Shrek are done! For now, anyway.

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Vanilla Ice’s Wife Doesn’t Want To Be Married To Him Anymore

October 20, 2016 / Posted by:

TMZ says that Vanilla Ice’s wife Laura Van Winkle has answered Ice, Ice Baby’s question: “Will it ever stop?“, and the answer is: “Yes, after almost 20 years.

Laura filed papers on Tuesday to divorce her husband of 19 years Vanilla Ice (aka Rob Van Winkle) in Florida where they live. Apparently there was a problem that Ice couldn’t solve, and it was his marriage. Sources say Ice and Laura have been separated for a few years, and filing for divorce was Laura’s way of making their split official. So the chance of him being able to convince her to stop, collaborate on a reconciliation is pretty unlikely. Laura said in the papers that she wants to keep the house they live in and also wants him to pay her lawyers bill. If you currently live in one of the homes Vanilla Ice flipped for The Vanilla Ice Project, don’t be surprised if he shows up with a trash bag of his stuff asking if you’ll let him crash in the basement for a couple nights.

Vanilla Ice and Laura have two daughters, whose names sound like cocktails from Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville, 18-year-old Dusti Rain and 16-year-old KeeLee Breeze.

This divorce is terrible timing for Vanilla Ice! Ryan Lochte admitted earlier this month that he became good friends with Vanilla Ice after meeting on Dancing with the Stars, but it’s not like they’ll be able to experience the sloppy single life together because Ryan just got engaged. You know who really loses here? The ladies of Spring Break 2017. They’ll never experience the crotch-melting hotness of getting tag-team hit-on by Ice Man and Water Boy.

Pic: Splash

Tobey Maguire And Jennifer Meyer’s Marriage Is Over

October 18, 2016 / Posted by:

People magazine has confirmed that the latest celebrity relationship casualty is Tobey Maguire’s 9 year marriage to Jennifer Meyer. 41-year-old Tobey and 39-year-old Jennifer released this statement to People about their decision to split up.

“After much soul searching and consideration we have made the decision to separate as a couple. As devoted parents, our first priority remains raising our children together with enduring love, respect and friendship.”

Tobey and Jennifer have a 9-year-old daughter Ruby Sweetheart and a 7-year-old son Otis Tobias.

This divorce probably won’t get that messy. It sounds like they want to raise their two kids together without any drama.

There’s no word on what made them decided to call it quits, like if Jennifer caught Tobey slinging his web into some strange. But I’m sure that no matter what happened, Toby’s in a good place. Which is to say that I’m sure Leonardo DiCaprio has already instructed the other members of The Pussy Posse to plan a Welcome Back, Tobey! party for their recently released brother. Leo will trick Tobey by inviting him over to his house to discuss Hillary Clinton, and when he gets there, everyone will yell “SURPRISE!” as they jump out from behind a human pyramid of 22-year-old blonde panty models. “Congratulations buddy, we sure are – HEY! Get away from those models, Lukas Haas, those are for Tobey! Get back to stocking the condom cabinet like I told you to.

Pic: Wenn.com

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