TMZ says that Vanilla Ice’s wife Laura Van Winkle has answered Ice, Ice Baby’s question: “Will it ever stop?“, and the answer is: “Yes, after almost 20 years.”
Laura filed papers on Tuesday to divorce her husband of 19 years Vanilla Ice (aka Rob Van Winkle) in Florida where they live. Apparently there was a problem that Ice couldn’t solve, and it was his marriage. Sources say Ice and Laura have been separated for a few years, and filing for divorce was Laura’s way of making their split official. So the chance of him being able to convince her to stop, collaborate on a reconciliation is pretty unlikely. Laura said in the papers that she wants to keep the house they live in and also wants him to pay her lawyers bill. If you currently live in one of the homes Vanilla Ice flipped for The Vanilla Ice Project, don’t be surprised if he shows up with a trash bag of his stuff asking if you’ll let him crash in the basement for a couple nights.
Vanilla Ice and Laura have two daughters, whose names sound like cocktails from Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville, 18-year-old Dusti Rain and 16-year-old KeeLee Breeze.
This divorce is terrible timing for Vanilla Ice! Ryan Lochte admitted earlier this month that he became good friends with Vanilla Ice after meeting on Dancing with the Stars, but it’s not like they’ll be able to experience the sloppy single life together because Ryan just got engaged. You know who really loses here? The ladies of Spring Break 2017. They’ll never experience the crotch-melting hotness of getting tag-team hit-on by Ice Man and Water Boy.
People magazine has confirmed that the latest celebrity relationship casualty is Tobey Maguire’s 9 year marriage to Jennifer Meyer. 41-year-old Tobey and 39-year-old Jennifer released this statement to People about their decision to split up.
“After much soul searching and consideration we have made the decision to separate as a couple. As devoted parents, our first priority remains raising our children together with enduring love, respect and friendship.”
Tobey and Jennifer have a 9-year-old daughter Ruby Sweetheart and a 7-year-old son Otis Tobias.
This divorce probably won’t get that messy. It sounds like they want to raise their two kids together without any drama.
There’s no word on what made them decided to call it quits, like if Jennifer caught Tobey slinging his web into some strange. But I’m sure that no matter what happened, Toby’s in a good place. Which is to say that I’m sure Leonardo DiCaprio has already instructed the other members of The Pussy Posse to plan a Welcome Back, Tobey! party for their recently released brother. Leo will trick Tobey by inviting him over to his house to discuss Hillary Clinton, and when he gets there, everyone will yell “SURPRISE!” as they jump out from behind a human pyramid of 22-year-old blonde panty models. “Congratulations buddy, we sure are – HEY! Get away from those models, Lukas Haas, those are for Tobey! Get back to stocking the condom cabinet like I told you to.”
Sorry Toronto’s CN Tower, but it looks like you won’t be lighting up in pink and red to announce the marriage of your Prince to his Princess any time soon.
Back in May, there were rumors that Drake and Rihanna had been humping each other for several months. They sort-of confirmed that rumor a bunch of times throughout the summer. They went to clubs together. Drake made a joke about knocking Rihanna up. Drake went full Jared commercial while presenting her with the Video Vanguard Award at MTV VMAs. They even brought ten tons of So In Love couple realness on stage during tour stops. Sadly, Drake never got the chance to gross out his family members by romantically feeding forkfuls of gravy-soaked turkey to Rihanna at Canadian Thanksgiving Dinner over the weekend.
And here comes 2016 to drag another relationship into the Love Is Dead Cemetery and bury it next to Brangelina’s marriage.
Well, this one hurts. Tall piece of emotionless hotness Ray Donovan (real name: Liev Schreiber) and Naomi Watts were at the Venice Film Festival earlier this month (see: pictures below) to pimp out their movie The Bleeder, and they were pretty much over as a couple at that point. Everyone is breaking up! They both put out a statement to everyone today saying that they’re separating after 11 years and politely told us nosy whores to please respect the “privacy please” sign hanging on the front door to their lives:
“Over the past few months we’ve come to the conclusion that the best way forward for us as a family is to separate as a couple. It is with great love, respect, and friendship in our hearts that we look forward to raising our children together and exploring this new phase of our relationship. While we appreciate your curiosity and support, we ask the press to be mindful of our children and respect their right to privacy.”
Liev and Naomi made two sons together: 9-year-old Alexander “Sasha” Pete and 7-year-old Samuel Kai.
Since it seems like nowadays two famous types can’t break up without some sort of ESCANDALO coming out, I won’t be too surprised if I have to use the “scandal” tag in a future post about Liev and Naomi. (And yes, I see those old “wandering peen” rumors and blind items winking at me.)
And if celebrity break-ups come in threes, I wonder who’s next? Beyonce and Jay-Z? Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson? Shauna Sand and Lucite heels ? (Why did I even put that out there?) That demonic cunt 2016 better not even look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. My almost-dead and frozen heart will really die and freeze over if Joanna and Dean from Overboard end their unbreakable love.
Meanwhile, as the marriage of the CENTURY is ending…
After nine years of marriage, hot grumpy food person Anthony Bourdain and his MMA fighter wife Ottavia Busia are over. I guess you could say they officially have no reservations on each other’s parts. Oh lord, that was bad. I deserve every AnthonyBourdainStinkface.gif for that.
2016 is just keeping it coming. TMZ says that Angelina Jolie filed papers yesterday to legally quit Brad Pitt after being married for just 2 years and being together since 2004. She’s asking for sole physical custody of all 6 members of the child army and only wants Brad to have visitation rights. I’ll add more as it comes in, but for now, I need to brace my eardrums for the blood-curdling screeches of pained mourning from the Brangeloonies and from the stage 10 cackle that’s been brewing inside of Jennifer Aniston for years!