Two weeks ago we found out that Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill’s relationship of two years was pretty much done. Meek Mill had allegedly started seeing a boutique owner in Philadelphia, and Nicki was Instagramming vague shit about deserving better and dodging bullets. Neither said whether they were actually split up, but why would they? You don’t get as much attention that way, and those two love getting attention. Two weeks later, and Nicki Minaj is finally ready to confirm what we already sort of knew had happened.
To confirm, yes I am single. Focusing on my work & looking forward to sharing it with you guys really soon. Have a blessed New Year. Love u🎀
— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) January 5, 2017
Meek Mill hasn’t said anything in response to Nicki’s tweet, but that could be because he’s too busy packing up a U-Haul while Nicki’s assistants make sure his movers don’t track dirt on the carpet of their rental. That, or he’s on a social media hiatus while he pledges The Society of Nicki’s Bitter Exes.
But the real question here is…who got custody of the gaudy jewelry?!? Meek Mill has given Nicki at least two giant diamond engagement-style rings. I think the social custom is that Nicki gets to keep them, but it might be nice if she gave them back to Meek Mill. He might need something to sell for quick cash in the event people were right and he really was only successful because he was doing Nicki Minaj. I could totally see his mortal enemy Drake pulling a shady move by offering to buy one of them. After all, it’s only a matter of time before Drake’s publicist gives him the go-ahead to start working the pretend engagement ring angle.
Nicki Minaj might be officially done with Meek Mill. According to Bossip, Meek might have been cheating on her with a boutique owner from Philadelphia for about a year. Nicki probably discovered what was up one day when Meek Mill came back from a trip smelling of cheese steaks and cooch.
Neither Nicki nor Meek has said that they’re over. But their Instagram activity could be a clue. For example, Meek has been posting pictures of asses that don’t belong to Nicki. Meek Mill recently posted (then later deleted) a picture of his alleged lady’s body stocking-wrapped butt on Instagram. Nicki, meanwhile, has been posting motivational shit about people taking you for granted, and cryptic descriptions of shower shoes that probably aren’t actually about the shoes.
If that shady shoe message really was meant for Meek, then I can’t wait to see what kind of visial puns she pulls out to slap back at Azealia Banks. I bet she’s picking out the perfect half-dead azalea plant at Home Depot as we speak.
Bossip claims that Meek Mill didn’t only slip cheater dick into his Philly side piece. He also allegedly gave her money for her boutique. Uh oh. You should never get money involved. I watch daytime TV, I know how this ends. It ends with Meek Mill and Philly boutique lady arguing over whether the money was a gift or a loan while Judge Judy rolls her eyes to Byrd.
Shortly after Marc Anthony got semi-romantic with JLo on stage at the Latin Grammys last month, people couldn’t help but notice that his latest wife, Shannon De Lima, was strangely missing from the audience. The reason she wasn’t there was because Marc and Shannon had separated. They have now decided to change their situation from “taking a break” to “adding another name to Marc Anthony’s list of ex-wives.”
48-year-old Marc and 28-year-old Shannon released a statement today confirming that they’re divorcing:
“After much consideration, we have mutually and amicably decided to end our two year marriage. We ask for privacy during this difficult process, and no further comments will be made from either one of us about this personal matter.”
Skeletor didn’t have any kids with Shannon, so the only thing they’ll get to argue over in divorce court will be money and whatever she wants from Snake Mountain. No word on exactly what killed Shannon and Marc’s marriage, but a source tells People it probably had something to do with Marc always working.
“Marc is so busy with his career, touring and recording that he distances himself from his relationships without even knowing it. Even with his wife in tow, she can feel like he is on another planet. Marc likes to have a woman at home but he also likes to live like a bachelor. This doesn’t work for very long.”
I wonder what living like a bachelor means to Marc. Marc is rich, so something tells me his bachelor behavior is just a little different from the average bachelor. He’s probably still eating cereal on the couch in his underwear, except Marc’s balls are hanging out of 100% organic cashmere and his Fruity Pebbles are being eaten out of a hand-cut diamond.
If you told me that a couple from HGTV broke up with each other after one of them had a meltdown, I’d probably guess that the Property Brothers crossed each other off of their family tree after one of them committed the unforgivable sin of using up the other one’s pomade. But Tarek and Christina El Moussa of Flip or Flop are the HGTV couple who currently have a foreclosure sign on their marriage of 7 years.
Their marriage reportedly became a major fixer back in May when the police showed up to their house in Orange County after getting a call of a possibly suicidal male with a gun. I know, this story got dark real fast. And in other words, Tarek flipped and then their marriage flopped. Some puns are just so easy that it hurts not to grab at them.
After being married for a little over two years, Naya Rivera doesn’t want to be married to Pitch cast-member (job upgrade!) Ryan Dorsey anymore. Naya’s first fiancé Big Sean totally just made a look that says, “Oh yeah, didn’t see that one coming.”
TMZ says that Naya filed for divorce last week and she’s asking for primary physical custody of their 1-year-old son Josey Dorsey, with visitation rights for Ryan. Reps for Naya and Ryan released a standard celebrity split statement about the whole thing.
“After much consideration, we have made the decision to end our marriage. Our priority is and always will be our beautiful son that we share together. We will continue to be great co-parenting partners for him. We ask for respect and privacy for our family during this difficult time.”
If we’re going on Naya’s version of “privacy“, then expect it to be a matter of time before she takes this “private” matter to Twitter, and Instagram, and Snapchat, and an episode of Ellen, and anywhere else she can get a little attention. That statement says nothing about what made Naya decide to file for divorce. My guess is she was sick and tired of Ryan panicking every time she leaned in too close to a candle and started screaming about how plastic is flammable. That kind of bummer energy can really kill the mood.
Last night, Jennifer Lopez decided that she wanted to feel the cold and chilling touch of Skeletor’s lips again and so they kissed onstage at the Latin Grammy Awards. And today we find out that Marc Anthony’s marriage to his third wife Shannon De Lima is sinking to the bottom of the moat around Castle Grayskull after only 2 years of being married. JLo’s chocha reportedly doesn’t have anything to do with this break-up, but if it did, homewreckers would proclaim her their new Jedi homewrecking master for fucking up the marriage that came before and after hers. That takes skill!