It’s a good thing Dean Sheremet recently wrote a cook book all about eating your feelings after your relationship goes tits up. That book is going to come in handy for at least one of them. LeAnn Rimes’ former husband and forever irritating pebble in her shoe is currently packing up his collection of tight pec-enhancing t-shirts and is saying a dramatic good-bye to his wife of almost five years.
Deaner (it feels so wrong to call him that) married photographer Sarah Silver back in August of 2011. After 5 years of marriage, they have decided they don’t want to be married anymore. I’m guessing either Sarah kept using his Norelco Bodygroom to trim her bush or Dean got really nervous and paranoid every time Sarah took a photography job up in Canada. Dean confirmed the news himself to UsWeekly.
“I have nothing but love and respect for Sarah. Her love made me a better man. I will always be thankful she touched my life.”
No word on who Dean has set his sights on next. Maybe he’ll ask his new pal Brandi Glanville if she’d be interested in pissing LeAnn off by hooking up for attention. No, that likely won’t happen; Brandi and LeAnn are currently playing nice with each other. But if he needs help proving his worth to future dates, he can always flash this selfie he took with John Travolta.
I don’t know if Dean and John Travolta are actually friends, or if that picture is the result of Dean ambushing John at an event. But I think it’s enough to convince Dean’s future dates that they’re being wooed by an extremely respectful gentleman. “Unlike some people who take selfies with John Travolta, I made sure mine was as flattering as possible. I shot it in the lowest resolution possible and threw on a filter that perfectly blurred the line between his forehead and his hairpiece. That’s just the kind of nice guy I am.”
Someone call up Michelle Rodriguez with the good news that her favorite lil’ party buddy is single and ready to mingle on the boat circuit with her this summer. Start stocking up on cases of Seagram’s Escapes and Malibu 6 tanning oil now, Michelle!
Earlier today, InTouch noticed that it looked like Zac Efron had removed all traces of his girlfriend of almost two years Sami Miró from his social media life. Gone were any pictures of Sami from Zac’s Instagram account, and he was no longer following her on Twitter. To those who require a Millenial to English translation, Zac basically peeled away the cellophane from the pages of his photo albums, ripped out every picture of Sami, and threw them in the trash along with the tape of saved answering machine messages. UsWeekly and E! News are saying that several sources have confirmed to them that Zac and Sami are no longer together.
As for the reason why, neither Zac or Sami have officially said anything about it. Even those sources didn’t have anything to say besides the fact that they were officially done. But according to InTouch, it might have something to do with a rumor that Sami was getting on a dick that wasn’t Zac’s at Coachella this past weekend.
However, based on those recent-ish shirtless pictures of Zac’s muscles, I’m more inclined to believe that he was the one who is leaving her for another someone else. And that someone else is creatine. My guess is that Zac was trying to balance them both, “The Boy Is Mine“-style, and got busted after whispering Sami’s name while chugging his morning protein shake. And when forced to choose between the two, he’s obviously going to choose his protein. Sorry Sami, you just can’t compete with the bitch who keeps Zac bulked-up like a human climbing wall.
Here’s Zac and Sami arriving at Jimmy Kimmel Live! way way back in January. As much as I want to have something to say about Sami’s lack of pants situation, I can’t, because I’m far too hypnotized by those gorgeous acrylic nail tips.
Last August, Frane Selak, the Croatian man who claims to have cheated death 7 times and won the lottery afterward, handed over his title of “World’s Luckiest Man” to James Placido after James married one of the most gorgeous and delicately elegant beings on this planet and beyond. James Placido became Mr. Jodie Marsh 8 months ago in an extremely secret wedding ceremony in Barbados. (Yes, it can still be called an “extremely secret wedding” ceremony even though nobody but me really cared.) I figured that Jodie Marsh and James’ love would last until eternity and would forever remain unbroken, but I should’ve seen this shit coming when I first looked at that picture of them. Never trust a dude whose hair and beard don’t touch.
Jodie announced on Instagram this morning that she and James are done, and since she knew that there was a big chance her phone would explode from every news organization in the world calling her at once, she let everyone know that she’s not in the mood to talk. Jodie didn’t say if she’s filed for divorce, but the BBC reports (no, it doesn’t) that James’ dick filed for divorce from him, because it hates him for separating it from her pink diamond-encrusted poon.
I’m assuming that Jodie is the one who dumped his trick ass, because who dumps Jodie Marsh?! That’s like saying you don’t want to wake up to the beautiful scent of freshly bloomed roses (that’s what her farts smell like) and that you don’t like the taste of ripe strawberries dipped in sugar (that’s what her vagine tastes like). But well, maybe James had to leave Jodie for medical reasons. Maybe he suffered from severe hydration because he cried all day and night from seeing her natural beauty up close and he fainted every time he touched her. Yeah, I’m going to go with that.
Drew Barrymore’s first marriage to bar owner Jeremy Thomas happened when she was just 19 years old and was thrown a shallow grave two months later. Drew’s second (and weirdest) marriage to Tom Green lasted a bit longer than her first, but not much. That marriage was also thrown into a shallow grave after five months. Well, Drew’s third marriage has lasted more than five times longer than her first two marriages combined, but now that shit is also over. I called Drew’s soon-to-be third ex-husband “that guy” in my headline, because I always confuse him with WhatHisName who’s married to Jessica Simpson. I know, all non-famous husbands of blond famous types look the same to me!
Page Six says that 41-year-old Drew and her 38-year-old husband of three years, Will Kopelman, have split and one of them will file for divorce soon. When they do, I’m sure they’ll use the Hollywood Queen of Celebrity Divorces Laura Wasser, because Laura Wasser did say that March was going to be a big month for celebrity divorces and March was only a second away. Drew hasn’t confirmed this yet, but a source says that their marriage is done for real and it’s been heading there for a minute.
“They’ve been having some difficulties, but they remain close for the sake of their kids,” one source told Page Six of the actress, 41, and Kopelman, 38, who is the wealthy son of former Chanel CEO Arie Kopelman.
Another source added, “Drew had a very rebellious and wild childhood, with no family around her, and while she is a very different person now, and a great mother, some of that can stay with you.”
Drew and Will have two daughters: 3-year-old Olive and almost-2 -year-old Frankie. Drew recently got their names inked into her wrist skin.
That last quote from the second source is a little strange. What does it mean? I’m going to take it to mean that Drew still has a bit of wild in her and Will ended things after catching her bumping pussies with the nanny on top of the kitchen island. I mean, this is a celebrity divorce. A nanny has to be involved. It’s a law of life!
Cue up Haddaway and prepare your panties for the dropping! The Hollywood club scene better brace itself, because I’m guessing that if Ben Affleck gets his way, the Affleck Bros. are going to own that shit when they get out of a bright yellow Corvette and strut into Bootsy Bellows in matching backless tank tops to show off their panty cream-inducing mid-life crisis tattoos. Although, Casey Affleck won’t get a phoenix tattooed onto his back, because everyone will think he’s paying homage to his estranged wife. He’ll get like a really ~rad~ and ~awesome~ dragon instead.
InTouch Weekly was first to report, and People confirms, that 40-year-old Casey Affleck has joined his older brother in The Soon-To-Be-Divorced Club. Casey and his 37-year-old wife of 10 years, Summer Phoenix, have broken up. Casey’s rep gave this statement to People:
“Casey Affleck and Summer Phoenix have amicably separated. They remain very close friends.”
Casey and Summer have two sons, 11-year-old Indiana and 8-year-old Atticus. So Casey’s publicist really dropped the generic split-up statement ball. They forgot to add, “We remain committed to co-parenting our children and ask for privacy.” Dock their pay, Casey!
Casey and Summer’s brother Joaquin Phoenix became friends while doing To Die For together. Joaquin introduced Casey to Summer in 2000 and the two got married 6 years later.
A source tells InTouch that Casey and Summer tried to make it work in counseling, but couldn’t. The source adds that Summer has a lot of “trust issues.” Yeah, trust issues. Here we go again. Summer’s alleged “trust issues” makes me think that right now, their ex-nanny is calling all of the tabloids and is trying to get a brand new drop top Lexus in exchange for a shameless tell-all interview and poolside bikini pics. But since it’s Casey and not Ben, she’ll probably have to settle for a 2008 drop top Camry Solara in exchange for 5 tell-alls and naked pics.
As of 10 days ago, Rob Kartrashian and Blac Chyna were bonding over their confusion of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter while looking at all the groceries Pimp Mama Kris’ minion bought for him. But yesterday, Webster’s was about to update the definition of “love” to read: IS A LIE, because People said that the failed sock mogul and the silicone Muppet had broken up. A source (Note: “A source” is Satan-talk for PMK) said that Rob and Blac Chyna had a huge fight, and he’s moved out of her house and is now living at the house his mommy bought for him in Calabasas, CA.
Everyone figured that the split was real, because Rob did the unthinkable by erasing all traces of Blac Chyna from his Instagram page and she threw up an Instagram post (which she deleted) that said, “When you just get out of a relationship & your hoe friend welcomes you back into the world of Hoe.” Everyone also probably screamed, “QUICK! Somebody throw Hershey’s syrup and Oreo cookie bits on Kim Kartrashian,” because we figured that Rob was going to eat his feelings. But last night, the meaning of love stepped away from the edge when Rob announced on Instagram that they’re still together.
Lea Michele (or as Dlisted idol Jessica Lange calls her, “Wall.“) is apparently filled with the sads because she’s not longer getting filled by that hot piece of hooker man named Matthew Paetz. Lea’s rep confirms to People that Lea is no longer humping on her gigolo turned dating coach boyfriend after nearly 2 years together. There goes my dream of these two getting married by Matthew’s fellow gigolo (and the jerky-fied adonis) Brace The Face. Damn both of them for that!
People’s source said this about how Lea’s dealing with the break-up:
“Lea is surrounded by her friends, who have rallied around her and support her. She’s doing fine, focusing on her work, her music and her album.”
Just last month, the try hard pose master and her dude did some lukewarm stage 1 “canoodling” at a basketball game (see: pictures below) and she also squirted out a geyser of happiness about him during an interview on PodcastOne’s Fempire show. Lea said that she was extremely happy with Matthew and she knows her late boyfriend Cory Monteith would approve.
A different source tells UsWeekly that Matthew is the one who did the dumping and it left Lea spiraling into a puddle of sadness on the floor where she sang an acoustic version of her idol’s song “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers.” The source says that Matthew had enough. The source doesn’t say what he had enough of. (SPOILER ALERT: He had enough of Lea randomly singing Barbra Streisand songs any chance she got.)
“He had enough,” the insider tells Us. “She was completely crushed.”
And the odds for reconciliation are zero. “He won’t take her back,” the source adds.
Lea Michele probably learned an extremely valuable lesson. She learned that you should always pay all of your bills on time. Because if you keep saying, “Eh, I’ll have my accountant pay it next week,” every time a late notice from your hot hooker man lands on your bedside table, he’ll eventually have enough of it and will repossess his peen from your fuck part before sending you to collections. But seriously, this is sad news for us eyebrow aficionados. Because the phrase, “A couple that plucks and threads together, stays together,” is obviously not true.
As Idris Elba’s scorned ex-piece K. Michelle wonders, “Maybe I should call,” b-holes and pussies that don’t have a chance in hell with him are howling “Hallelujah!” Because apparently, the piping hot piece of British man meat and noted ho Idris Elba is no longer with his girlfriend and the mother of his second baby. I know, I didn’t know that the woman whose body and face I replaced with mine in pictures was his girlfriend. But she’s not anymore.
43-year-old Idris and 28-year-old Naiyana Garth started doing each other full-time in 2013. Idris knocked her up very early into their relationship and she gave birth to their son Winston in 2014. The Sun says that Idris has moved out of the house they lived in together and moved into a nearby place to be close to Winston. The source spilled this out:
“It ended very recently and it’s too soon for her to talk about it. They’ve kept it very quiet so she’s surprised people know already. It’s very sad that this has happened while Idris is experiencing the highest points of his professional career and they can’t celebrate it with each other.”
Idris was at the British Film Awards, where he won Best Actor for Beasts of No Nation, on Sunday night and he was asked if he’s officially put an “open to the public again” sign on his dick. He only said, “That’s the media for you.” That means yes.
Idris and his “friend” Naomi Campbell recently left a club in NYC together, so some think that Naomi the Terrible threw an iPhone 6s Plus (I’d like to think she evolved and is now throwing iPhones instead of BlackBerries) at his home and wrecked it. I don’t know if Idris and Naomi are a thing thing. They don’t really make sense to me. Sure, Idris can figuratively take Naomi’s coochie to paradise, but I don’t think he has the funds to fly her on a gold-plated jet to his private island where they’d roll around on a beach made of actual diamonds. I’m pretty sure Naomi is a size queen and by that I mean she’ll only regularly date a dude with horse hung bank accounts.
And here’s Naomi working the shit out of a bunion at last night’s NYC premiere of Zoolander 2.
And I bet that’s how it happens, too. Some random guy approaches you outside of a club, grabs your arm and whispers: “Sir, I regret to inform you that E! has decided to terminate your relationship. Please take this waist trainer and set of gently-used butt pads as our way of saying thanks. Now shoo.”
I guess Khloe Kardashian got tired of that polygamist life, because UsWeekly is saying she went ahead and kalled it kwits with her sort-of side piece of seven months, Houston Rockets shooting guard James Harden. And of course I say sort-of, because as we all know, KoKo is technically still married to Lamar Odom (but more on that later). According to a source, Khloe gave James his walking papers “weeks ago“, which means this marks the first time in history that a Kardashian waited longer than 0.3 seconds before mining their personal life for attention.
But don’t worry – Khloe isn’t wasting any Botoxed tears on James. According to a post written by some poor intern for Khloe’s pay-per-view website (via the Daily Mail), Khloe is looking for love on OkCupid. If you’re single and ready to sell your soul to Kris Jenner, Khloe goes by “khloewithak“. Khloe likes long walks from her car in front of the paps, cuddling up by the fires of Hell while renegotiating her contract with Satan, and jet-setting off to countries with lax butt injection laws. Khloe says she made an OkCupid profile for fun (and probably a check) and adds that she’s never done online dating before.
One thing she forgot to mention is that any potential suitors should probably be cool with Khloe ditching them to hang out with her husband. Like she did on Super Bowl Sunday. TMZ says Lamar has made a ton of progress since he was found unconscious at a Nevada brothel back in October. Lamar reportedly went hiking on Sunday with Khloe and Kim Kardashian, and his goal is to run again. His improvement also includes processing thoughts and carrying on a conversation. So basically, his brain function has surpassed that of Khloe and Kim’s.
Here’s an on-the-prowl Khloe looking like a suburban cougar hairstylist named Barb (that’s a compliment) at the club with French Montana last night. Shit, Khloe’s really recycling all her past dicks this week.
“What’s that? Oh, just the sound of another beard biting the dust. Thanks for taking the fall for me on this one, mom!”
It sure is tough out there for a model trying to make a name for herself in the professional girlfriend game. Despite the fact that only two months ago there were whispers that Bradley Cooper was living at Irina Shayk’s apartment and that he’d covered her coffee table in copies of Modern Bride, it sounds like he’s gone ahead and slipped their ten month old contract into the paper shredder. And The Sun (via Daily Mail) says it’s all because she wasn’t compatible with his mama, Gloria Campano.
According to The Sun, Bradley and Irina’s relationship went south at Christmas because Irina gave Bradley a cheap knock-off Tangle Teezer when she knew damn well he wanted a new Mason Pearson. No, it’s because Irina wasn’t getting along with his mom, and it was causing all sorts of drama. The more time Irina and Gloria spent together, the more they realized they’d rather be locked in a windowless room and forced to watch an unedited director’s cut of Aloha alone than spend one more minute with each other.
Eventually shit got so tense between the two of them, Bradley had to choose a side, and he picked his mommy. And who could blame him? Irina couldn’t hold a candle to the stunning pocket-sized Sarasota Snowbird goddess that is Gloria Campano.
But don’t cry for Irina just yet. Apparently she’s already replaced B.Coop with a 25-year-old model type named Stephen James who looks like this. And I’m sure Bradley Cooper will have a new model type girlfriend just as soon as he’s able to narrow down the VOGUE covers in front of him from five to three. “Hmmm…this is tough. They’re all so model-y.”