It was very nice of Betsey Johnson to remove her name from the nominees list, and therefore give people like Beyonce a fighting chance at taking home the CFDA’s Fashion Icon award. I’m assuming that’s what happened. Betsey Johnson has always been my favorite fashion weirdo. Even when I was very little and my knowledge of fashion was limited to skorts and whatever the look is called when you loop the bottom of a t-shirt through the neck hole, I knew that she was the definition of effortless, carefree WTF style. Effortless, because she always looks like she put in zero effort. Carefree, because I’m sure she’s free of cares when it comes to what anybody thinks about her. And WTF, because I still cannot figure out what the fuck is going on with those glue-in hair extension.
Betsey brought her carefree WTF style to the CFDA Awards last night. Betsey Johnson gave everyone “getting-her-groove-back grandma” mixed with Janice the Muppet and a side of boxed wine buzz. She’s on vacation from all her worries and troubles and the collection agency that won’t stop calling and demanding payment for that pesky overdue TJ Maxx credit card bill, and she doesn’t care who knows it! Betsey looks like she’s about to climb over the bar at her all-inclusive Mexican resort, grab a bottle of rum and a handful of limes, and smoker-bark over to her friends Buffy, Bambi, and Binky: “See you in the pool!” I want to be this version of Betsey Johnson when I grow up.
Of course, there always has to be a runner-up in the Pageant of Life, and I choose to give that honor to Selma Blair.
Do yourself a favor and get into these clips from Lifetime’s Brittany Murphy biopic. This shit is so low-budget that I think it might be a prank. I was waiting for Jimmy Kimmel, no scratch that – Seth Meyers to walk out. This is Lifetime’s attempt to grab ahold of that Sharknado-type viral success, right? No one can act, that girl looks not a thing like the much-missed Murphy, and holy shite, THAT WIG ON “ALICIA SILVERSTONE.” Did someone from The Craft cast a curse on that girl? What in hell does she have going on under there that required that on her head? I think it’s still attached to whatever animal died for it. And that animal has peed many times and it’s dried. They couldn’t afford an actual blonde? Did they spent too much (a Tan-O-Rama Groupon)) hiring the girl in the Mayam Bialik chapeau? Maybe they put the money aside in case Brittany’s trashbag dad actually sues and (jn a surreal moment) wins? Continue reading
Even if you forced yourself to write down the craziest, most insane advice you could think of after chugging a dozen bottles of Pediasure in a windowless room while listening to Avril Lavigne’s “Hello Kitty” on repeat for 8 straight hours, you still wouldn’t reach the level of questionable at work in Alicia Silverstone’s new parenting manual The Kind Mama. Thankfully, you don’t have to, because The Daily Beast got their hands on a copy and compiled some of the best quotes about parenting from the woman who believes vaccinations are shots of “aluminum and formaldehyde”, Dr. Bird-feeder (not a real doctor):
On how drinking milk is basically like taking a garbage-filled shit in your uterus:
“Meat, dairy, and processed foods” should be avoided, she says, because they are “tracking toxic sludge through your baby house.” (“Baby house” = uterus).
On why Huggies is THE DEVIL:
Kind mamas can avoid funneling money into the “multibillion-dollar” disposable diaper industry, which is “fueled by corporate-backed pseudoscience.”
On why Tampax is THE DEVIL:
“Feminine-care manufacturers aren’t required to tell you what’s in their products, which means that no one’s talking about the potential pesticide residues from non-organic cotton and the ‘fragrances’ containing hormone-upsetting, fertility-knocking phthalates that are snuggling up to your hoo-ha.”
On why you’re THE DEVIL if you don’t let your baby sleep in your bed:
The alternative – forcing your helpless baby to sleep “in a barred-in box completely alone” – may well amount to child neglect.
On (brace yourselves, stupid is coming) vaccinations:
“There is increasing anecdotal evidence from doctors who have gotten distressed phone calls from parents claiming their child was ‘never the same’ after receiving a vaccine. And I personally have friends whose babies were drastically affected in this way.”
I’m a firm believer in ‘You do you’, so I have no feels or shits to give on whether or not Cher from Clueless lets her kid shit in the grass or sleeps in her bed or breastfeeds till he’s 12. What I do have a problem with is someone who’s credentials are “was in Aerosmith videos” writing a book about parenting, especially when their source material is basically email forwards from your misinformed paranoid aunt. Don’t get me wrong – I still think she should write whatever book she wants – I just also think said book should come with a sticker on the front that says “Find out more on the Internet! No really…we urge you to double check the legitimacy of every claim in this book.”
An EWWWWWW was heard all around the world a couple of weeks ago when Alicia Silverstone posted a short video on her blog of her doing some Planet Earth shit with her 11-month-old son Bear Blu. Some called her SUCIO and I was more concerned about how our future is becoming lazier and lazier. Children can’t even strain their jaws by chewing their own damn food. In the future, robots will suck the caca out of our bodies so we won’t have to waste any energy on pushing it out. (Actually, that sounds like a dream. Get on it, NASA!)
Anyway, Cher Horowitz was at a Q&A for her movie Vamps at BAM in Brooklyn over the weekend, and of course someone asked her about pureeing her son’s food with her own mouth. Alicia chewed up her response and then spit this into everyone’s ears:
“I wasn’t saying this was anything somebody should do. I wasn’t trying to be independent or cause such a ruckus. I’m very glad that I did it. People have been feeding their kids that way for thousands for years. It’s a weaning process. It’s just a thing that has been going on for thousands of years and I didn’t think I was inventing anything.
Honestly, when I posted the video I was not thinking, so maybe I was like Cher. I think it’s adorable and it makes me laugh every time he does it. Every time my husband [Christopher Jarecki] goes to the YMCA, some guy comes over and says, ‘That’s how we do it in the South.’ Between him getting those great comments and me knowing in my gut it’s natural and lovely, I really wasn’t trying to tell anybody what to do.”
This makes me spit up chewed pieces of disappointment. Every time I’m in the South, nobody ever barfs creamed pancake into my mouth. Now I feel like I truly haven’t tasted true Southern hospitality.
No, that video isn’t adorable to me, but it would be hypocritical of me to be grossed out by this. I mean, I’ve put grosser things in my mouth and sometimes I had to chew it up myself! (Tip: Always ask your piece if they’ve just eaten corn before you get into anything. I won’t go any further than that, but just make sure you ALWAYS ask.)
via ABC News
Alicia Silverstone named her son Bear Blu, so you already know she’s got bark burns on her arms from hugging trees so much. Alicia is strictly vegan, doesn’t wear animal shit on her body and loves Mother Nature’s creatures so much that she even takes feeding tips from them. On her blog The Kind Life, Alicia told the world that she feeds her 11-month-old son by chewing on some vegan food and letting him eat it out of her mouth. And there’s video too!
You know, there’s a few hippie hos in my life, so I try to keep an open mind to their nature fucking ways, but what in the saliva stew hell, Cher?! I have so many questions about Alicia food frenching with her kid, so thankfully Fox411 asked a few experts to give us the pros and cons of this mess:
Dr. Jennifer Landa, M.D: “There are those who think that a mom chewing a baby’s food provides helpful enzymes from her mouth but it doesn’t seem like a hygienic practice. Various viruses and bacteria, but especially herpes virus, may be passed from mother to baby. These microbes present a challenge that the infant’s immune system may not be ready for. So the practice is questionable for safety, and then, there’s a certain ick factor here that needs to be considered.”
Family therapist Melody Brooke: “A lot of moms chew a portion of their baby’s food; it’s often a very natural transition. But this just looks really funny, like Alicia is making out with her son. There is nothing terribly wrong with it, it just looks really weird.”
Heather Lounsbury, the founder of LiveNaturalLiveWell.com: “I’m sure Alicia is brushing her teeth regularly as to not expose her baby to bacteria in her mouth. It is dangerous to try and live in a completely sterile environment, because it’s impossible. And it doesn’t allow for the body to fight minor infections so it can fight more serious illnesses it may be exposed to.”
It’s Alicia’s kid, Alicia’s mouth, Alicia’s chewed up food and if she’s okay with her child spitting up drool into her eatin’ hole, then that’s okay with me and it’s none of my damn business. But I’d probably have a totally different response if I was in a restaurant, eating my pancakes and watched Alicia put her food processor mouth to use by chewing up her food. I would not be amused to see little Bear’s eyes light up as he tied a napkin around his neck to suck the food out of his mom’s mouth. No. Take that shit to the trees, you Nelly Furtado ass ho! Flap, flap, flap! I think I see a worm up there.