Because everyone is busy screaming out a verbal rainbow of YES (although, no screams are louder than the screams of the person who started the world’s first ever gay mail-order groom agency, because their day has finally arrived), there’s not much “real news” out there, so here’s a story about how Jared Leto put the meth in method while shooting Suicide Squad.

Seen above looking like the Grim Reaper after getting a makeover at the Urban Decay counter, Jared Leto gave himself the perfect story to tell reporters while trying to campaign for his second Oscar nomination. Jared starved himself down to the weight of an Olsen’s nipple to get that OSCUH for Dallas Buyers’ Club and his Suicide Squad castmates say that he’s also going hard while playing The Joker. Jared wasn’t around during prep for Suicide Squad, so he didn’t get to “bond” with the cast. But his co-star Adam Beach, who plays Slipknot in that shit, tells E! News that Jared sent them gifts in character to show that he really shoved himself into the body of The Joker.

At last night’s Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser premiere (Yes, that is a movie that was made for real and that is an event that really happened), Adam said that the noted vegan sent Margot Robbie a live rat and sent the rest of the cast a dead hog. And PETA is going to send Jared Leto a 10,000 word open letter in 3..2..

“He sent [Margot Robbie] a nice love letter with a black box with a rat in it—a live rat. It was beautiful. Then he sent bullets to Will [Smith] with a letter. [He sent the cast a video and a] dead hog. Basically, what he said was, ‘Guys, I can’t be there but I want you to know I’m doing my work as hard as you guys.’ The video he showed is in character. It blew our minds away. Then we realized that day, this is real.”

Yeah, it’s real alright. Real fucking annoying, because they knew it was going to be a long few months dealing with Jared Leto showing them that he’s a real THESPIAN! I’d be mad if I was them. I would be pissed that Jared Leto gave me a hog and it wasn’t the obese, prostate-murdering hog in his chonies.

Daniel Day-Lewis pisses on Jared Leto’s little stunts, because that’s not method. DDL wouldn’t have the time to send anyone rats or dead hogs, because he’d be too busy repeatedly throwing himself into a giant vat of acid until his hair turned green and his skin turned white for real.

Pic: Pacific Coast News

(Side note: Embryonic is a really good first name for a kid.)

Inside of the TLC Chinese Theater in Hollywood yesterday, the ovary eggs of horny whores fried up while watching tall sack of muscles Joe ManJello thrust his crotch in Magic Mike XXL. Outside of the TLC Chinese Theater in Hollywood yesterday, bored pro-life protesters (and paper and marker ink wasters) with nothing to do held up signs that read “Embryonic Lives Matter” and “Unfreeze Your Daughters,” because Sofia Vergara was there. Why does that make me want to sing (to the tune of Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart“), “Unfreeeeeeeeze your daughters, don’t let them be cold for-eeeeeh-vuuuur!”

As most of us know, Sofia Vergara’s clit sore of an ex, Onion Crunch mogul Nick Loeb, is suing her over the girl embryos they made while still together. Nick wants to implant the embryos in a surrogate and Sofia wants to keep them in the freezer like the 2-year-old bag of frozen peas I swear I’m going to make a side dish for dinner one of these days (no, I’m not). Nick, of course, got the pro-lifers on his side and they did his foolery work for him outside of the Magic Mike XXL premiere yesterday.

If those protesters are going to spend a chunk of their day protesting this kind of shit, they should at least bring some oomph to it. Or should I say, Nick Loeb should pay them more to bring some oomph to it. I mean:

She’s like, “This is not what I had in mind when Jenny asked me if I wanted to go to a big Hollywood premiere.”

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

American Sniper baby’s mom makes a cameo in the new Magic Mike. – HiRollan

Upvote winner:

If you thought Rose McGowan was pissed after the audition for Adam Sandler’s girlfriend, wait ’til she sees who got the part! – Strepsi

Pic: Izismile

The SCOTUS Same-Sex Marriage Ruling!

As you can tell from the quadruple rainbow in the sky (although, I may just be seeing things from getting early morning crunk while celebrating), the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that it’s everyone’s constitutional right to suffer through the pain and misery of being married! The SCOTUS ruling makes marriage legal for everyone and also shits on the same-sex marriage bans in a dozen states. My only comment on this is:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I have another comment: I’ll let you know when my Dollywood wedding will be! I’m already registered at In-N-Out.

Nick Offerman (45)
Ariana Grande (22)
Melanie Amaro (23)
Jennette McCurdy (23)
Angelina Pavarnick (29)
Aubrey Plaza (31)
Jason Schwartzman (35)
Nathan Followill (36)
Ryan Tedder (36)
Derek Jeter (41)
Gretchen Wilson (42)
Rebecca Budig (42)
Chris O’Donnell (45)
Irv Gotti (45)
Paul Thomas Anderson (45)
Sean Hayes (45)
Matt Letscher (45)
Harriet Wheeler (52)
Terri Nunn (54)
Patty Smyth (58)
Chris Isaak (59)
Mick Jones (60)
Robert Davi (62)

Pic: GQ

Panty Creamer of the Night: Aaron Taylor-Johnson is in Flaunt Magazine looking like a hot high-as-fuck hippie who did peyote in the desert and spent the next 4 hours staring at his ass cheeks while wondering how they got there – Lainey Gossip 

Cameron Diaz is taking time off to have a baby and she’s not taking any of the ten million offers thrown at her from producers who were so blown away by her Oscar-worthy performances in Annie and Sex Tape – Celebitchy

Tami “It Wasn’t Not Funny” Roman is knocked up even though she has said before that she doesn’t want anymore kids. But I guess when the possibility of a Vh1 spin-off series calls, you gotta take it – Reality Tea 

Amanda Seyfried tries to work the Predator look – Drunken Stepfather

Another day, another set of pictures of Kummy Kakes looking like an over-filled alien blow-up doll caught in a net – The Superficial 

Ruby Rose wants to rub her coochie against Taylor Swift’s Barbie doll crotch – IDLYITW

Bobby Jindal’s announcement video is a thing of creepy, weird Candid Camera fuckery – Towleroad

Talking clump of baboon taint hair, Donald Trump, is threatening to sue Univision for dropping the Miss USA pageant because of the dumb shit that fell out of his anus of a mouth – Jezebel

This Marilyn Monroe wax figure needs more work – Hollywood Tuna 

I hope Dustin Cubic Zirconia’s cell mate is into getting Dirty Sanchez’d – Just Jared

MiserAlba’s pants: I think I had a pair just like that when I was 8 – Popoholic

Howard Stern is done with Talent  – SOW

Jason Lee’s ex-wife confirms that yes, Scientology is a nightmare and Jenna Elfman is a crazy bitch – Pajiba

Grab a plate, and get yourself several servings from the Excuse My Beauty buffet – The Berry 

How the mighty douches have fallen… – HuffPo

“I’m dropping a royal fart on your back” is probably what Prince George is thinking in that picture – Popsugar

Pic: Flaunt