Hell Hath No Fury Like An Onion Crunch Mogul Scorned

April 30, 2015 / Posted by:

That dog wants no part of Nick Loeb’s acts of fuckery and I’m with it.

Sofia Vergara’s ex-fiancé Nick Loeb wrote a New York Times op-ed piece about why he wants complete control of their frozen embryos and I guess The New York Times published it, because they didn’t have anything else. (Dear New York Times, if you ever need a highly interesting and thought-provoking op-ed piece, please ask me to write one about the different flavors of dick cheese or why Homework starring Joan Collins is an underrated masterpiece that belongs in the AFI Hall of Fame.) In the piece, which should be titled, “How To Get Back At The Ex You’re Not Over And Get The Pro-Life Crowd On Your Side While Doing So,” Nick explains why he’s asking a court to ignore what Sofia Vergara wants and let him turn those frozen embryos into humans.

Nick Loeb writes that he has wanted to be somebody’s father for as long as he can remember. When Nick was in his 20s, his girlfriend got knocked up and later had an abortion. He claims she did it without asking him. Nick got married and he and his wife tried to make babies, but it didn’t happen and she quit his ass as he was running for Florida State Senate. Nick says that he started doing Sofia Vergara full-time just as her career started to take off, so he didn’t want to ask her to have kids then. But after they got engaged, he kept asking her to have children with him and she finally agreed but wanted to use a surrogate. They made two embryos. The first one didn’t take and the surrogate miscarried after the second one was implanted. Nick and Sofia made two more embryos, both female, he says. While talking about potential surrogates, Nick realized that Sofia wasn’t really into having more kids. Nick eventually told Sofia that she can either have kids with him or get the fuck out. Sofia went with the second option. Nick claims that’s the reason why they broke up and not because he’s crazier than a flea on meth.

Nick says that when they made the embryos, they signed a form stating that the embryos could only be used if both parties agree. The consent form doesn’t say what will happen to the embryos if they break up. Nick is suing to get that consent form completely voided. Nick thinks that the embryos are “life” and he compares a growing fetus in a womb to embryos in a freezer:

When we create embryos for the purpose of life, should we not define them as life, rather than as property? Does one person’s desire to avoid biological parenthood (free of any legal obligations) outweigh another’s religious beliefs in the sanctity of life and desire to be a parent? A woman is entitled to bring a pregnancy to term even if the man objects. Shouldn’t a man who is willing to take on all parental responsibilities be similarly entitled to bring his embryos to term even if the woman objects? These are issues that, unlike abortion, have nothing to do with the rights over one’s own body, and everything to do with a parent’s right to protect the life of his or her unborn child.

Many have asked me: Why not just move on and have a family of your own? I have every intention of doing so. But that doesn’t mean I should let the two lives I have already created be destroyed or sit in a freezer until the end of time.

Nick points out that his lawyers have discovered 10 similar cases. 8 out of 10 of those cases ended with the person seeking custody of the embryos losing. In one of the two cases where the person seeking custody won, the woman won, because she had cancer and had undergone chemo. As far as I know chemo hasn’t killed Nick’s fetus-making batter, so….

In the other two cases, one in Pennsylvania and one inIllinois, a woman was awarded custody of fertilized embryos over the man’s objections. In both cases, the woman had undergone chemotherapy treatment and the embryos were her last chance to have a biological child; judges ruled that the woman’s interest in becoming a parent outweighed the man’s interest in not becoming a parent. In the Illinois case (now on appeal), the judge found that the form the couple signed was not the binding contract, and instead enforced a verbal promise the man made to help the woman have children.

Sofia has already said that she doesn’t want the embryos destroyed, but she doesn’t want them used either. She wants them to stay in the freezer FOREVER. Why did I suddenly get an image of Pee-wee Herman opening up his freezer to watch those embryos ice skate on an ice cube? Nick says that he doesn’t want the embryos to live like Nanook of the North for eternity, because he believes that leaving them frozen is the same thing as destroying them.

I asked her to let me have the embryos, offering to pay for all expenses to carry our girls to term and raise them. If she did not wish to share custody, I would take on full parenting responsibilities and agree to have her declared an egg donor. She has refused. Her lawyer, Fred Silberberg, has told reporters that she wants to keep the embryos “frozen indefinitely.” In my view, keeping them frozen forever is tantamount to killing them.

Well, this is every layer of creepy. Yes, getting dumped sucks, but damn. GET. OVER. IT. If Nick wanted something to remember Sofia by, he should’ve taken a pair of her worn panties, put them in a Ziploc bag and sniff them whenever he’s feeling lonely. That’s what a normal dumped bitch does. Nick needs to just stop and drown his sorrows in a mountain of coke and call girl twat.

Here’s Sofia walking in L.A. yesterday.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

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