If anyone was wondering why the beautiful and momentarily dickmatized Charlize Theron and desiccated anal gland Sean Penn broke up, here you go. TMZ reports that Imperator Furiosa adopted an African-American girl child from here in the States last month. She’s named the infant August. As far as asshole celebrity baby-names go, that’s not bad. It’s not Williamsburg Jacuzzi but it’s not Jennifer either. It’ll do. Is the baby named August because that’s when Charlize’s publicist broke the news? That’s kind of uninspired but hey, Charlize is probably really busy.

This is oddly concurrent with Penn looking for a day-old black baby for his movie. Do you think he had somehow used his hypno-peen to whammy her into adopting the type of baby he wanted just for a scene in his movie? And she finally broke his spell and busted out of his humidor crotch to save that impending adopted child? Or maybe she just realized pompous, angry, and naugahyde wasn’t the look for a dad.

Check out more pics of Charlize Theron looking incredibly thrilled to be papped while arriving at LAX yesterday in the gallery below.

Pics: WENN

Disco Boy! And yes, I guess Sharpie-written messages on man chests is today’s theme.

Now, my idea of entertaining truckers is TOTALLY different than Disco Boy’s idea of entertaining truckers. Disco Boy (born name: Lee Marshall) considers himself a prankster/entertainer, but he’s also a saint, because he strips down to his panties and entertains the lorry drivers (that’s British for tuckers) in Operation Stack. Operation Stack isn’t only the name that Kim Kartrashian’s plastic surgeons call the procedure where they stack several silicone implants in her ass. It’s also the name of a procedure where truckers have to park on the M20 motorway. Wikipedia explains it like this:

Operation Stack is a procedure used by Kent Police and the Port of Dover in England to park (or “stack”) lorries on the M20 motorway in Kent when services across the English Channel, such as those through the Channel Tunnel or from the Port of Dover, are disrupted, for example by bad weather, industrial action, fire or derailments in the tunnel.

Kent Online says that on Monday night, Disco Boy set up a party in the Roundhill Tunnel during Operation Stack and brought some sex, hot moves, talent, charisma, sex and more hot moves to the lives of the lorry drivers who had to park. Get high on those car fumes, Disco Boy, and serve it up:

Those moves… It looks like he’s riding an invisible bike. But really, if you got to see this hot piece rave extravaganza while stuck in traffic, you’d want to be stuck in traffic every second of the day!

(For the one and only Bradiful Bitch)

Jason Momoa (36)
Jack O’Connell (25)
Max Carver (27)
Elijah Kelley (29)
Ashley Parker Angel (34)
Zac Brown (37)
Tempestt Bledsoe (42)
Roshumba Williams (47)
James St. James (49)
Sam Mendes (50)
Adam Duritz (51)
John Carroll Lynch (52)
Coolio (52)
Demián Bichir (52)
Chuck D (55)
Joe Elliott (56)
Giancarlo Giannini (73)

Pic: Instagram

Kate Moss and her Count von Count-looking ass husband of 4 years Jamie Hince are probably done for real, because he was seen getting touchy with model Jessica Stam. If their marriage is really done, this means that the long-awaited triumphant reunion of the Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton of our time, Kate Moss and Pete Doherty, can finally happen! (That’s probably not a good idea, though) – Lainey Gossip 

Whitney Cummings gained some chunk for the sake of her face – WWTDD

Nobody likes Mondays, except for Mimi’s billionaire boyfriend, because that’s when she gives up the coochie, apparently – Celebitchy

That Helen Mirren wax figure in the black dress better be wearing exquisite Lucite heels – Tom + Lorenzo

Tami Roman of Basketball Wives and Real World: Los Angeles (the first one) had a miscarriage 🙁 – Reality Tea 

Presenting the hot pieces at Guy Ritchie’s wedding – Popsugar

Germany’s finest rose and her TOTALLY natural chichis got their own calendar. The pictures are NSFW, because it would be awkward if you passed out in your cubicle due to the massive amounts of organic beauty in these pictures – Drunken Stepfather

Sorry Games of Thrones, but Lifetime’s Full House movie is obviously going to sweep the Emmys next year – Egotastic

Heidi Klum’s nipple looks like this, in case you forgot – The Superficial 

MiserAlba either smells a fart or she’s trying to push one out – Popoholic

Leslie Jordan is not the one yesterday, today or tomorrow and will attack your homophobic ass with iced tea if you act wrong in a Starbucks. And it takes a special kind of dumb to say anti-gay shit in a Starbucks in West Hollywood – Towleroad

Ronda Rousey is here to school you on what a “do nothing bitch” is – Hollywood Tuna 

Jessica Alba’s non-toxic sunscreen is as good at not burning you as she is at acting – Jezebel

Reminder: Pretty much everyone on TLC is awful – Pajiba

Vintage (really vintage) David Duchovny – SOW

The Facebook baby probably gave Mark Zuckerberg a thumbs up, because she knows she’s going to be SO RICH – Just Jared  

QUICK PROGRAMMING NOTE: Allison is out tomorrow to celebrate National Raspberry Cream Pie Day, so J. Harvey is filling in for her. She’ll be back on Sunday.

Pic: Wenn.com

Well, there goes another piece of my 80s childhood. Roderick Toombs, known as Rowdy Roddy Piper to hos of the 80s and WWE fans, has gone off to the gates of heaven to chew bubblegum and kick ass (and yes, he’s all out of bubblegum).

TMZ says that Roddy Piper died in his sleep from cardiac arrest last night. He was found this morning at his home in Hollywood, CA. He was 61. He was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma back in 2006, but a family member tells TMZ that he was cancer-free at the time of his death.

Roddy Piper was a big reason why the WWF (now the WWE) was huge in the 80s and he was one of the most popular villains. Hulk Hogan was considered a good guy back then and was one of Roddy’s biggest rivals. I know, how times have changed. Roddy pressed pause on his wrestling career in the early 90s to act in movies full-time. He returned to the WWE several times and was inducted into its Hall of Fame in 2005.

Roddy is survived by his wife Kitty and their 4 kids.

Rest in peace Roddy Piper. No one could work a kilt, a belt from Merry Go Round and a too-tight tee like you did.

Elton John and his 90-year-old mother Sheila Farebrother (that’s a hot last name, by the way) haven’t said a word to each other in over 7 years. Sheila told The Daily Mail a few months ago that Elton stopped talking to her after he demanded that she cut off two of his ex-employees she had become friends with and she refused. Sheila thinks that Elton’s husband David Furnish controls him and is part of the reason why she has no relationship with him. Elton hasn’t completely cut Sheila off. He still pays her bills. Sheila turned 90 back in March and she invited Elton. After he turned down her invitation, she hired an Elton John impersonator to fill the void. That is sadness wrapped in creepiness. (Side note: Please tell me that impersonator had a gig afterward where he had to play Donald Trump and that’s the reason why he’s wearing that dog butt wig.)

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