When cameras at the Oscars panned to Jennifer Garner, it looked like she had come to the woke realization that she was wasting a solid 45 hours at a damn awards show when she just as easily could have been at home watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN. Because there wasn’t much else going on at the Oscars except that movie about fish fucking taking home everything, the clip of Jen went viral. She even had fun with it on her Instagram story that managed to still namedrop she’s the face of a credit card company and the next Marnie for a Lena Dunham project. Alas, she’s still getting questions for her viral seconds of fame, and it doesn’t sound like she’s all that amused by it anymore. Continue reading
The ladies on the set of Ocean’s 8 didn’t entirely kick men to the curb when they rebooted the film George Clooney rebooted from the Rat Pack. All that rebooting makes me really want to sing “Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under,” but I’ll stop. Cate Blanchett claims that she and Sandra Bullock did bring dick into their lives while working on Ocean’s 8 by getting peen facials at a spa.
Believe it or not, Anderson Cooper’s boyfriend all these years hasn’t been Kelly Ripa or Andy Cohen. It was NYC nightclub owner Benjamin Maisani…at least it was until a few months ago. The Silver Fox left his Aiden for a Mr. Big-shot doctor. Anderson officially announced he’s called it quits, and many are pointing to his frequent trips to Dallas as proof he’s left the clurb and is now dabbling in Dallas doctor d. Continue reading
I went to Oregon for the first time late last year, and I was sad the entire state wasn’t built around a 1,000-foot bronze statue of Tonya Harding. What a missed opportunity. It’s a pretty state, but a new commercial from Oregon’s official tourism body dropped a video that is “based on actual events. More or less.” More like based on the crack-fueled dreams of a graphic designer! I guess Tiffany Haddish took that Louisiana swamp kush and popped over to the Pacific Northwest to make a cartoon, y’all!
To be fair, I was drunk on Wilamette Valley Pinot Noir 97% of my visit to Portland and the surrounding wine region, so there may have been the giant ass rabbit seen at the 20-second mark flopping through a field of flowers. We’ll never know. Damn you, red wine blackout. Hayao Miyazaki must be taking a break from anime to drum up visitors to Portlandia because this acid trip of a video seems like it might be one of his pieces of Oscar bait.
The rest of the ad includes farting clouds, loons serving wine on a hot air balloon, and an asteroid that crashes into Crater Lake just to do a quick lap and not miraculously cause Armageddon. Silly, cartoonist. That only happens in Brooklyn. At an underground circuit party. After 3am. Or so I’ve heard. The commercial plays out like a prolonged round of Pokemon Go, and I’m sure Washington and California are both pissed over the tourist money they’re going to lose to Oregon. Who wants to slum it at Disneyland or Starbucks HQ when you can go frolic with Charizard at Mt. Hood?
Jamie Spears is good for more than cheesy grits. Britney Spears and ex-husband Kevin Federline are locked in a fight for revised child support payments. Kevin’s legal team says they struck a deal back when Britney was known more for shearing her head than taking to the stage. Now that she rules Las Vegas, they want more money. The whole mess is apparently stressing out our little Brit Brit, so she’s telling her dad to sort shit out…just like business is settled down in the bayou! Continue reading
And, no, it wasn’t Ryan Seacrest!
Adam Rippon has been hitting up the media circuit since he returned from South Korea, where he took home a bronze (along with the rest of Team U.S.A.) for his skating but got a gold medal in sideline commentary. Every kween I know is laying a thirst trap on Instagram for Adam, and apparently that’s no different for E! News host Justin Sylvester.
Justin joined the likes of Sally Fields (admittedly, she was trying to nab Adam for her son) when he tried to slyly ask Adam out on a date during an interview the other day on E!. His “Daily Pop” co-hosts asked him if he’s sexting much these days since his mom told him to be careful. Adam tried to make it sound like he was busy but open to dating, which caused the two gals to knowingly glance at Justin with looks that said, “Boy, we teed this up for your ass. Do us proud.”
In a completely un-staged moment, the camera zoomed in on Justin in the same manner as when the secretary storms into the house in a telenovela screaming the results of a paternity test. He offered to take Adam out on a date to show him “his” L.A. and “just kick it.” Adam said he “loves to just kick it” and then, again in a completely un-staged moment, picked up a rose like his ass just won The Bachelor. I don’t know about Justin, but my version of L.A. and just kicking it means getting three of everything from In-N-Out, and just kicking it on the couch from a food coma while Real Housewives Of Wherever plays…I guess this is why I’ll never see ice skates under my bed!