Back in my gay formative years, when the other kids were getting confirmed down at the Baptist church, I was getting religion each afternoon at 4 when TRL was on MTV. One particularly legendary (read: trainwreck) of an afternoon came when Mariah Carey channeled the ice cream man-turned-Risky Business when she strolled into the studio with an ice cream cart, a men’s button down on, and a deer in the headlights look in her eyes. That was how the Glitter publicity tour began (and sadly, we later learned the dark truth that Mimi was going through it at the time).
The movie and soundtrack were panned and were known as the low point of her career until New Year’s Eve snatched that crown. Mariah has a new album out tomorrow, and her fans decided to add to her week by trying to make Glitter the best-selling album on iTunes. They were successful — color us all shocked! Justice for Glitter!
HAHAHAHA! I mean, could I see Kim Kardashian sitting Kanye West down to educate him on important things like what’s the best backlighting for a selfie or how to swindle seed money from some unsuspecting fool to use to start a makeup line? Absolutely. Can I see her donning a professor gown to teach him the intricacies of U.S. politics and why Kanye’s former (?) BFF Donald Trump isn’t in line with the Kardashian-West family values? Let’s just say I can imagine that happening as much as I can Donald and Hillary Clinton enjoying a nice vacation together. Either way, Kim is trying to take credit for Kanye taking off that stupid Make America Great Again hat for good. Way to cover your tracks, Pimp Mama Kris!
Her heart will go on…in a non-binary fashion. Celine Dion has been teasing what looks like a well-curated arrest video for a few days on Instagram, and I was really hoping it was going to end up being a redo movie of The Bling Ring. Alas, we won’t have Celine calling up a Vanity Fair journalist to sob about who made her shoes. Instead, the video is part of a campaign to launch Celine’s partnership with fashion brand NUNUNU on a line of gender-neutral children’s clothes. Divas may come a dime a dozen, but how many #woke divas do you see doing the damn thing like this??
And then there was Kyle Richards.
If you don’t have a life (welcome to the club!!!), you probably follow multiple Real Housewives fan pages on Instagram like I do – y’know, to keep up with the gals between seasons! Lisa Vanderpump has been curiously absent during much of the filming for the upcoming Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills season, and it could be that she knew she’d pale in comparison to the return of Camille Grammer (my theory that is most certainly not true) or that there was some spat involving Dorit Kemsley and a dog she adopted from Lisa’s organization and later returned (seems legit). There was a lot of questions about if she was even still in the cast since she didn’t go to Camille’s wedding, and it seems like she is quitting that bitch.
In what I imagine is either a quest to get picked as the go-to stock picture for frames at the local Hallmark shop or another way to show they’re #justlikeus, Prince Charles& Co. released two family photos to coincide with his 70thbirthday today. Apparently, THE QUEEN did not get the invitation to the party!
The folks at Tide may finally be recovering from young dipshits thinking their pods were edible. But I guess when they decided to rebrand their containers, they looked to the boxed wine they guzzled each night after a day of lecturing teens on why it isn’t great to eat laundry detergent.
Tide is hopping on the environmental train by coming out with a new eco-friendly container. Sure, it’s going to help the world be a better place and you’ll definitely never see a sad video of a turtle with a Tide jug up its nose. However, this also looks like a colorful Bota Box from the Trader Joe’s wine aisle.