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Gwen Stefani Wants To Annul Her First Marriage Before Marrying Blake Shelton

March 22, 2019 / Posted by:

When you think of the Catholic Church, the image of St. Gwen Stefani, Patron Saint of Ska doesn’t exactly come to mind – but she’d like it to! In your Friday dose of random, Gwen is apparently super religious, and she wants the man upstairs to do her a solid and forget all about her marriage to Gavin Rossdale so she can be clean in the eyes of the church when she and Blake Shelton have a country-croonin’ wedding in Dogpatch or wherever it is he comes from.

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Antoni From “Queer Eye” Met Trace From “Flipping Out” On Instagram

March 22, 2019 / Posted by:

Who said old-fashioned courting and true love is dead? Antoni Porowski from Queer Eye is totally that queen who captions his thirst trap Instagrams with a quote from James Joyce just to show he’s not like any THOT, he’s a well-read THOT. Antoni was living that single life for not too long before he started posting photos with Flipping Out’s Trace Lehnhoff where we couldn’t figure out if they were somehow related or were dating and just really enjoyed posing with similar blank stares. It ended up being the latter, and Antoni blabbed the new old-fashioned way: Instagram!

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Joe Alwyn Doesn’t Want To Be A Celebrity

March 22, 2019 / Posted by:

He’s not a celebrity, get him out of there!!! Joe Alwyn, also known as Taylor Swift’s boyfriend that hasn’t caused her to write a break-up album yet, is a British actor. You know, the kind that appears on stage in front of people and was even in the Academy Award-winning The Favourite. Despite the screen time and dating Taylor Swift, sources want you to know that Joe is NOT in this for the celebrity, so don’t expect him to show up in any curated Fourth of July party squad photo with Blake Lively and the rest of the crowd. He’s just here for true love, dammit! I know, I can’t stop laughing either.

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An American Figure Skater Is Accused Of Slashing Her South Korean Rival’s Calf On Purpose

March 21, 2019 / Posted by:

That rabbit knows what’s up.

I guess, uh, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery? Hot off the heels (skates?) of when I, Tonya reminded us how nasty the world of figure skating could really be, 22-year-old American figure skater Mariah Bell (above with the scaredy rabbit) has been accused of attacking her rival, 16-year-old Lim Eun-soo from South Korea, at the Skating Union World Figure Skating Championships in Japan yesterday. Lim’s agency claims Mariah kicked Lim with her skate, cutting the skater’s calf. Someone please contact Allison Janney, as we are going to need her to play Mariah’s mother. Is that bird available, too? Continue reading

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THE QUEEN’s Old Press Secretary Thinks Duchess Meghan’s Baby Shower Was A Bit Much

March 21, 2019 / Posted by:

We all know the staffers at Buckingham Palace go into cardiac arrest when Duchess Meghan does EVIL and the CRUELEST of things like send emails at dawn and wear dark nail polish, so when she had a star-studded lavish New York City baby shower – something not exactly common in England let alone with the royal family – it was only a matter of time before someone started clucking the tongue about how she really set back the forward-thinking ways of a country that somehow thinks holding onto a royal family is a good idea to spend tax dollars. THE QUEEN’s former spokesperson, Dickie Arbiter, at least had the cajones to go on the record publicly and say he thought the baby shower was over the top.

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Deranged Raccoons Are Taking Over An Illinois Town

March 21, 2019 / Posted by:

The rodents are acting up in western Chicago, and it ain’t just because things haven’t been the same since Oprah left. Police in Stickney, Illinois, are warning people that raccoons are “acting strange,” and it sounds a lot like they are either auditioning for The Walking Dead or got into the wrong stuff or this is guerrilla marketing for Pet Sematary. In actuality, they have distemper – eek!

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