Category: What The Hell
David Mamet Gave A Bonkers Interview To Fox News Where He Accused Teachers Of Being Student-Grooming Creeps
David Mamet is an iconic American playwright, and maybe the most iconic line from his extensive body of work (which isn’t even material he actually wrote, it was specifically written for the film) is Alec Baldwin’s monologue from Glengarry Glen Ross, in which Alec reminds the agents that coffee is a privilege for closers only, and that one should ABC – always be closing. David Mamet must have misremembered what that acronym stood for, because he recently appeared on Fox News and brought some major ABC energy, except in this case, his mental motivation was to always be crazy. David spoke about the recent conversation surrounding teaching sex, sexuality, and gender in schools, and almost everything that came out of his mouth could have filled 20 coffee mugs with bullshit. Like David’s theory that most teachers are pedophiles, whether they know it or not. Zosia Mamet, come collect your father.
The Staples Center Has Been Re-Named The Crypto.com Arena
Take a good look at that picture above, because it could be one of the last times you see that particular building with the words STAPLES Center on it. After 22 years as the aforementioned Staples Center, the Staples Center is no more. It would make 100% pure good sense to rename it the People’s Republic of Lakerton (in municipal partnership with Little Clipperville), but that’s not what’s happening here. It was announced yesterday that that building will be known as the Crypto.com Arena. That name might have made you roll your eyes and wonder if they’ll let just anyone name these buildings. And the answer would be yes, they do, so long as the check is big enough and it successfully clears at the bank.
Open Post: Hosted By The Maniac Who Desecrated A Bag Of Pizza Rolls
Whenever I think of pizza rolls I automatically get a nice warm feeling inside because pizza is delicious and who doesn’t like popping bite-sized versions of it in their mouths? Therefore, pizza rolls are the perfect food. Apparently, I may be the only person who feels that way because in Oklahoma there’s a sad weirdo who thinks a bag of pizza rolls is better used as their own personal toilet. And one unknowing mother found out the hard way to never blindly dig into her local supermarket’s freezer ever again. Yes, that mother thought she was getting a bag of delicious Pepperoni Pizza Rolls and instead got a disgusting bag of Pooperoni Rolls.
Open Post: Hosted By The Life-Sized Cake Of Jason Derulo
Much like the quarters stuck underneath the bottom of my driver’s seat I always forget Jason Derulo is there. But he has gone from singer to crotch-less cat of terror to TikToker. And recently, Jason united his love of terrifying people and his love of TikTok attention by reaching out to a baker and asking her to make him a cake. But not just any kind of basic bitch sheet cake. Nah, Jason is going for a different kind of basic by requesting a life-sized cake of himself.
Open Post: Hosted By The Woman Who Was Banned From A Zoo Because Of Her 4-Year “Affair” With A Chimpanzee
I realize that dating during a pandemic is a daunting task, but have things gotten so bad that people are now seeking comfort in the arms of primates? Apparently, that happened in Belgium and it happened long before the pandemic started. If you need proof, take a trip to Antwerp and visit Adie Timmermans, a woman who is probably soothing her tears in a tub of banana pudding after she got banned from the Antwerp Zoo for having a four-year-long “affair” with one of their chimpanzees.
Kanye West Has Filed Papers To Legally Change His Name To “Ye”
When Kanye West reignited his beef with Drake earlier this week I knew we were all about to be treated to some good old-fashioned Yeezy fuckery in the days to come. And so far, he and Drake’s beef is still going on, which doesn’t shock me in the least because noted famewhores love to titillate the masses with trifling behavior. But I will say I didn’t see this next move coming since now it’s being reported that Kanye wants to throw away the name we’ve all come to associate with shenanigans and shorten it to the bite-sized nickname everyone’s been using for years: Ye.