Kanye West’s Busted Fashion Collection For Adidas Is Very Expensive

If life is Pretty Woman, then we are all Vivian Ward and Kanye West is the snobby blonde saleslady.

Okay, so remember earlier this week when Kim’s Kurrent Husband gave a next-level bonkers lecture at Oxford University and said “Clothing should be like food. There should never be a $5000 sweater. You know what should cost $5000? A car” and we were all “That’s rich coming from the same asshole who tried to sell a plain white t-shirt for $120“. Well, High Snobriety (via Refinery29) has the pricing information from Kanye’s recent Mugatu-meets-a bootleg DVD copy of Center Stage fashion collection for Adidas and – surprise surprise – it’s as expensive as hell.

“Entry level” pieces like hoodies and sweatshirts start at around $420. Knitwear, like the hole-covered sweaters above, range between $860 to $1600. Outerwear, like the camo jacket Kim Kardashian wore to the show, will start around $1700 and go up to $3800. Footwear starts at $200; Kanye’s version of a duck boot is almost $500. High Snobriety says that Kanye’s shitty klothing is priced so high because it’s all made in Italy at some of the world’s best factories using the finest material. It’s true! I heard the wool used to make Kanye’s ripped-up sweaters comes from a rare imported sheep-creature native to a faraway galaxy called oh wait no, it comes from a normal fucking sheep.

I stopped I CAN’T-ing with Kanye a long long time ago, but this is too damn much. It’s one thing to sell a jacket for nearly $4000 and be like “whatever, it’s $4000 – deal with it”,  but to rant about clothing being too expensive and how society is lead by greedy types and that cars should cost $5000 and how there should never be a $5000 sweater is BEYOND. Is Kanye that much of a delusional out-of-touch asshole that he thinks $5000 for a sweater is too much, but $1600 isn’t? Wait, don’t answer that – I already know the answer.

Speaking of things that cost a lot of money and look cheap as hell, here’s Kanye’s My Size Tiffany Taylor doll in Paris earlier today wearing a pair of grey stretch pants that make her ass look like a low-budget Cloud Gate (no offense to Anish Kapoor):

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

And Now For The Story Of A Rapper Named Kevin Gates Who Used To Date One Of His Cousins

Now would be the time to light a few vanilla-scented candles and pour yourself a tall glass of pink champagne-style alcoholic beverage, because this story is all sorts of romantic and you’re going to want to set the mood right. Rapper Kevin Gates recently admitted to TMZ that he used to fuck his cousin. Like his cousin cousin, as in related to and sharing DNA with. But it wasn’t just a hit it & quit it & see you at the family reunion kind of thing. You see, Kevin is a gentleman. Kevin began dating his cousin back in 2006, but back then he didn’t know they were related. 3 months into their relationship, Kevin’s grandmother informed him that they were cousins.

Normally when you find out that you share an Ancestry.com page (more like Incestry.eww, in this case) with the person you’re humping on, you might consider calling it quits on your relationship. But not Kevin. Like I said before, Kevin is a gentleman; he continued to date his cousin for another 2 years. TWO YEARS! That’s forever in regular people time, let alone in boning your cousin time.

Kevin says he doesn’t regret getting nasty with his cousin, and claims they’re still on good terms. However, he isn’t sure how related they actually are; Kevin says he never found out whether it was his first, second, or third cousin. But it doesn’t matter, because according to Kevin, she was “good pussy”. Here, I’ll let Kevin explain it himself:

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Nicole Kidman Says She Once Had The Hornies For Jimmy Fallon

And now we know Nicole Kidman’s horn-horn face looks like. “Yeah, that’s pretty much what I always imagined it would look like” thinks Tom Cruise. Elsa’s Australian cousin made an appearance on The Tonight Show last night to promote winter (sorry, I’m being told she was actually promoting that Paddington Bear movie) and Jimmy Fallon remarked that it was the first time they’d seen each other since a weird meeting at Jimmy’s apartment years ago.

According to Jimmy, a friend called him up and asked if he could swing by his house with Nicole Kidman, who wanted to talk about what he assumed was the possibility of appearing in that awful Bewitched reboot she was doing. Jimmy agreed and ran out to get some brie, because that’s what you do when people come over – you have cheese for them (duh).

However, Nicole Kidman told a very different story. Nicole, who was single at the time, says she wanted their mutual friend to set her up with Jimmy Fallon, because she had a crush on him and wanted to take him to the down undah boan zoan. Unfortunately, she says he didn’t say much to her when they arrived, and she knew it wasn’t going to happen when he put on a video game. So she left, and figured he was either not interested or gay.

Of course, Jimmy acts like he has no clue that Nicole Kidman wanted to date him, but you know he totally did and throwing on that video game was just his way of letting her down easy. How could he date a woman that has trouble forcing her face muscles into a smile, let alone a laugh? Making jokes is all the game he’s got!

Megan Fox Says That Shia LaBeouf Is “Brilliant”

Holy shit, remember when Shia LaBeouf didn’t look like a human dirty needle? And remember when Megan Fox…uh…well, Megan Fox still looks the same. Thanks to some high-grade injectable silicone and monthly tune-ups at the Real Doll factory, Megan Fox will look like Megan Fox till she’s 99 years old, at which point she’ll be sent back to the Real Doll head office and used as a merchandise example for potential investors (“Notice how the rubber in her cheeks are just as plump and supple as they were back in 2014? That’s the Real Doll difference.”)

During an interview with the NY Daily News to promote those awful snot-green CGI nightmares, Megan Fox was asked about her former Transformers co-star Shia LaBeouf, particularly if she’s worried about him. Obviously not that weird of a question, considering his resume now includes the words ‘jeggings-wearing wanker who gets kicked out of Broadway musicals for being a drunk fucking mess’. But Megan says we shouldn’t be concerned about Shia’s alter ego, Shit LaDouche, because the Shia she knows is a “brilliant” kid:

“I’m not worried about Shia. I love my Shia. He’s perfectly fine. I haven’t talked to him in a couple of years, but I don’t worry about him. He’s a brilliant kid, talented and funny. There’s no reason to worry.”

Megan seems like one of those namaste/Live-Love-Laugh-type girls who choose to only remember the good times, because her brain has systematically pushed all the bad shit out. I’m sure if she went back and re-read the diary she kept during the filming of Transformers, she’d find hundreds of entries that start with: “Dear Diary, Shia pissed on the side of my trailer again and said it was some kind of modern art thing.”

And I know it was nice of her to say something nice, but an endorsement of Shia LaBeouf from Megan Fox is sort of like the equivalent of a male strip club getting a Yelp review from a tequila-buzzed bachelorette party. “OMG, Kade was like, the nicest dude. He’s, like, a genuine guy. His balls smelled like vanilla. 5 stars.”

Megan Fox Believes That If Anyone Is Going To Find Bigfoot, It’s Megan Fox

While promoting her upcoming film Cheap Green Dildo Goblins at Comic-Con yesterday, Megan Fox moved the conversation away from busted rubber-faced disasters (I’ll let you decide if I was referring to the ninja turtles) to Khloe Kardashian’s not-so-distant relatives by telling People that, yes, Bigfoot is real, and that he needs to watch his elusive hairy ass, because she’s coming for him!

“Bigfoot’s real. And I have confidence in myself that if I were ever to be taken out on an expedition … I would be the one to find Bigfoot.”

Meanwhile, somewhere in the middle of a California forest, Bigfoot gave an interview to Sasquatch Weekly where he claims that somewhere in Hollywood, there’s a living Real Doll. Many believe she’s a hoax, that it’s nothing more than a human in blow-up doll drag, like Farrah Abraham. But he knows that if he could just get his hands on a fake plastic surgery license and a sign that says FREE BOTOX IF YOU KNOW MICHAEL BAY, he could catch her and prove she’s real.

Here’s more of Finding Bigfoot’s biggest fan and Harry’s worst enemy at Comic-Con yesterday serving up some black liquorice couture and frozen-faced narcoleptic realness:

Pics: Splash

Alert The FBI! Demi Lovato Knows That Mermaids Aliens Are Real!

Cut to Fox Mulder frantically grabbing as many X-Files from his desk and screaming at Dana Scully: “No, not the toddler-faced one who dated Bieber, the coke addict from Camp Rock! She knows too much, Scully! If the government finds out a former Disney ho knows the truth, she’ll disappear to rehab, and this time she won’t come back!”

Seen here showing off her brand-new weave ripped straight from Grimace’s greasy taint, Demi Lovato appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers on Wednesday and admitted that she has more in common with the guy who preaches his insane conspiracy theories from the men’s room at the bus station besides having ratty hair. When asked if she thinks aliens are real, Demi says:

“I know that they’re real. How self-centred would we be, as humans, to believe that we are the only living things in the Universe?”

She then went on to admit that she’s a huge fan of conspiracy theories, and explained to Seth the theory about mermaids. If you wanted to get high this afternoon, but you ran out of crack/meth/computer duster, find a soft spot on the floor to lie down and listen to what she says at the 0:35 mark:

I love Demi Lovato, because she sounds like all the dumb stoners I went to high school with who had a theory on everything after finding a copy of Fortean Times in the woods. Why is soda sold in an aluminum can? So Big Sugar can collect your fingerprints. Why is the McRib only available for a limited time? To take people’s attention away from the yearly meeting between Illuminati members and the underground Lizard People. Looking back, it’s pretty obvious that most of their conspiracy theories were the result of sitting with the munchies for too long in the drive-thru at McDonalds.

And I know you’re not really supposed to mix uppers and downers, but I would love to see Demi Lovato and Lana Del Rey host a show on the History Channel about aliens.