Megan Fox Says That Shia LaBeouf Is “Brilliant”

Holy shit, remember when Shia LaBeouf didn’t look like a human dirty needle? And remember when Megan Fox…uh…well, Megan Fox still looks the same. Thanks to some high-grade injectable silicone and monthly tune-ups at the Real Doll factory, Megan Fox will look like Megan Fox till she’s 99 years old, at which point she’ll be sent back to the Real Doll head office and used as a merchandise example for potential investors (“Notice how the rubber in her cheeks are just as plump and supple as they were back in 2014? That’s the Real Doll difference.”)

During an interview with the NY Daily News to promote those awful snot-green CGI nightmares, Megan Fox was asked about her former Transformers co-star Shia LaBeouf, particularly if she’s worried about him. Obviously not that weird of a question, considering his resume now includes the words ‘jeggings-wearing wanker who gets kicked out of Broadway musicals for being a drunk fucking mess’. But Megan says we shouldn’t be concerned about Shia’s alter ego, Shit LaDouche, because the Shia she knows is a “brilliant” kid:

“I’m not worried about Shia. I love my Shia. He’s perfectly fine. I haven’t talked to him in a couple of years, but I don’t worry about him. He’s a brilliant kid, talented and funny. There’s no reason to worry.”

Megan seems like one of those namaste/Live-Love-Laugh-type girls who choose to only remember the good times, because her brain has systematically pushed all the bad shit out. I’m sure if she went back and re-read the diary she kept during the filming of Transformers, she’d find hundreds of entries that start with: “Dear Diary, Shia pissed on the side of my trailer again and said it was some kind of modern art thing.”

And I know it was nice of her to say something nice, but an endorsement of Shia LaBeouf from Megan Fox is sort of like the equivalent of a male strip club getting a Yelp review from a tequila-buzzed bachelorette party. “OMG, Kade was like, the nicest dude. He’s, like, a genuine guy. His balls smelled like vanilla. 5 stars.”