Category: Tila Tequila
Tila Tequila Tried To Baptize Her Neighbor’s Children Against Their Grandmother’s Wishes
You know, they say Madonna is the Queen of Reinvention, but I think Tila Tequila might have her beat. Girl went from MySpace celebrity to bisexual MTV reality star/“singer” to 21st century Nazi to Carrie’s batshit bible-thumping mama from Carrie. She now goes by the name “Tornado Thien” and posts daily YouTube videos praying for Trump’s win, counting down to the rapture, and spouting general craziness and racism. It’s sad. And also scary. Tila recently posted a video entitled “I WAS ABOUT TO BAPTIZE 2 KIDS & THE DEVIL KIDNAPPED THEM!-Mark 9:42”.
In the video Tila’s actually the one doing the kidnapping. She lured the neighborhood children into her home with the promise of a bathtub baptism to “save them”. The kids’ grandmother shows up to actually save them, and she and Tila have words. What in the Lindsay Lohan Moscow kidnapping attempt hell? Continue reading
Tila Tequila’s Baby Father Wants Custody Of Their Kid
Between wishing death upon her Twitter followers and declaring that she’s going to start a race war, self-proclaimed grandmaster troll of all trolls Tila Teqila somehow finds the time to raise an actual living and breathing human. You know, the living and breathing human she did up as Hitler. You’d think that Child Protective Services would always have an eye on Tila’s baby since they’d have a pop-up office set up in front of her house. But they don’t and the dude who made the decision to bust a raw load of baby batter up into Tila Tequila says that he’s worried about their child and wants custody.
Have Some Extra Cash? Tila Tequila Needs New Furniture!
The last time we checked in on Tila Tequila’s job situation, she was balancing at-home phone sex work with a day-long appearance on Big Brother UK. Tila didn’t get shit when she left the BBUK house (well, besides whatever loose change she found while rooting around under the couch cushions). And it looks like she really could have used that $175,000 appearance fee, because last week she started a GoFundMe page to help her buy some new furniture and pay her rent. I guess MTV reality dating show residual checks just aren’t what they used to be.
According to Tila’s GoFundMe page (via Uproxx), Tila was looking to reach a goal of $2500. Tila said she needed the money to buy new furniture and bedding for a new apartment that she’s moving in to with her one-year-old daughter, Isabella. Tila’s reason for begging is that she’s a single mom trying to make ends meet, and she’d rather spend what money she has on her daughter. She also needs some cash to pay the rent on their current apartment, which Tila says was recently raised to $4500 a month.
Since Tila started her GoFundMe page six days ago, 58 people have helped her raise nearly $3000, which is exactly $3000 more than I ever would have estimated she’d make. Tila thanked all the suckers who dropped money into her online coffee cup, along with a description of what kind of thank-you presents her donors can expect to receive. Oh, and she also swatted at the haters who side-eyed her for asking strangers to cover her Bed Bath & Beyond bill.
Tila Tequila Really Wants Back Into The Celebrity Big Brother House
Even though the people in charge of Celebrity Big Brother have made it clear they want nothing to do with her or her one-time Nazi-sympathizing ass, Tila Tequila is trying anyway. The former MySpace celebrity and current self-employed phone sex operator wants you to know that she’s very sorry for that time in her life when she was doodling Hitler’s name all over her Trapper Keeper, and that she hopes Channel 5 would be willing to give her a second chance in the CBB house. “Yeah, people aren’t usually so quick to forget that kind of stuff” said the ghost of Jesse James’ career.
People says that shortly after CBB kicked Tila Tequila to the curb, she had her rep draft up an “I’m so sorry, and here’s why” statement and released it to the world. According to Tila’s statement, her crush on Hitler was the result of depression and a drug addiction, and that she’s not about that life anymore because she wants to be a good role model for her daughter. She also throws in a part about slithering back into the CBB house, because Tila Tequila knows not of the word shameless.
Tila Tequila Has Already Been Kicked Out Of The Celebrity Big Brother House For Being A Hitler Sympathizer Once
I just love it when a picture gives you several options for you to label as “My Thoughts Exactly.” Do you go with the thumbs down on the left or do you go with the bored lady on the right who’s thinking to herself, “This bitch bint.”
For the next few weeks, every event in Hollywood will be severely lacking in A-list stars, because many of them are over in England doing Celebrity Big Brother. CBB is doing a UK vs. US theme this season and the American cast includes: Tila Tequila, Backdoor Farrah, Jenna Jameson, Daniel Baldwin, Austin Armacost (from The A-List: New York), Fatman Scoop and Janice Dickinson. I know, it’s amazing that the walls of the CBB house didn’t immediately topple over from the massive force of all of that star power. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time, but the walls are feeling a little less pressure today, because Tila Tequila has been kicked out.
We’re Only In The First Trimester And Already Shit Is Getting Messy With Tila Tequila’s Pregnancy
Former skanky party gremlin/anti-Semetic conspiracy theorist Tila Tequila announced she was with worm less than two weeks ago, and already things are turning classic Tila (aka crazy and dramatic). Dear CPS, start hiring extra staff now; I have a feeling you’re going to need them very soon.
The mystery surrounding the identity of Tila Tequila’s baby daddy was solved last Thursday when Radar revealed that she’d been knocked up by an aspiring rapper/producer and father of 3 from Georgia named Thomas Paxton Whitaker. The bargain bin K-Fed (and that says something) said that Tila had a wonderful relationship with his daughters and he was very happy and excited to have put a worm in Tila’s tequila pouch, and that he thinks she’ll be a “fantastic mother”. I’d like to know what Thomas’s definition of “fantastic” is, because I wouldn’t trust Tila to look after an artificial cactus from IKEA.
But only 4 days later, Thomas is speaking to Radar once again, and this time he sounds more like what I imagine a Tila Tequila baby daddy sounds like. Thomas says that Tila is a status queen who is no longer pursuing a relationship with Thomas because he filed for bankruptcy back in 2008 and he’s all shades of broke. He also says that Tila is a two-faced backstabber who talks a ton of shit, and that if he ever spilled the beans on what she’s said behind closed doors, she’d never “get a drop of news coverage again for the rest of her days”. So…about as much news coverage as she gets already?
Meanwhile, Tila is chugging along in her own crazy train by posting a rebuttal to Facebook, claiming that she left Thomas because she didn’t want to raise her unborn baby in an unhealthy, unsafe environment, blasts him for running his mouth off to the media, then pops over to Twitter to call him a drug-using drunk. Jesus take the wheel. Take all the wheels.
And somewhere in Florida, Landon Lohan just received a note from Baby Tequila Worm asking him to save a seat in his Cozy Coupe so they can carpool to CPS together.
Pic: Facebook