We’re Only In The First Trimester And Already Shit Is Getting Messy With Tila Tequila’s Pregnancy

April 28, 2014 / Posted by:

Former skanky party gremlin/anti-Semetic conspiracy theorist Tila Tequila announced she was with worm less than two weeks ago, and already things are turning classic Tila (aka crazy and dramatic). Dear CPS, start hiring extra staff now; I have a feeling you’re going to need them very soon.

The mystery surrounding the identity of Tila Tequila’s baby daddy was solved last Thursday when Radar revealed that she’d been knocked up by an aspiring rapper/producer and father of 3 from Georgia named Thomas Paxton Whitaker. The bargain bin K-Fed (and that says something) said that Tila had a wonderful relationship with his daughters and he was very happy and excited to have put a worm in Tila’s tequila pouch, and that he thinks she’ll be a “fantastic mother”. I’d like to know what Thomas’s definition of “fantastic” is, because I wouldn’t trust Tila to look after an artificial cactus from IKEA.

But only 4 days later, Thomas is speaking to Radar once again, and this time he sounds more like what I imagine a Tila Tequila baby daddy sounds like. Thomas says that Tila is a status queen who is no longer pursuing a relationship with Thomas because he filed for bankruptcy back in 2008 and he’s all shades of broke. He also says that Tila is a two-faced backstabber who talks a ton of shit, and that if he ever spilled the beans on what she’s said behind closed doors, she’d never “get a drop of news coverage again for the rest of her days”. So…about as much news coverage as she gets already?

Meanwhile, Tila is chugging along in her own crazy train by posting a rebuttal to Facebook, claiming that she left Thomas because she didn’t want to raise her unborn baby in an unhealthy, unsafe environment, blasts him for running his mouth off to the media, then pops over to Twitter to call him a drug-using drunk. Jesus take the wheel. Take all the wheels.

And somewhere in Florida, Landon Lohan just received a note from Baby Tequila Worm asking him to save a seat in his Cozy Coupe so they can carpool to CPS together.

Pic: Facebook

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