The Senate Passes A Bill That Would Make Daylight Saving Time Permanent

Yesterday the U.S. Senate unanimously passed the Sunshine Protection Act, a measure that would make Daylight Saving Time permanent across the United States. So no more falling back or springing forward! The clocks will remain the same, the sun shines later than 5:00 PM, seasonal affective disorder is cured, all early evening crime will cease, and the little children will dance on the streets! Oh my god… do I… love the U.S. government?

The change is not official yet. The bill will still need to pass the House and be signed by President Joe Biden to become a law. If all goes to plan, the bill will likely be implemented in November 2023. CNN reports that Florida’s Republican Senator Marco Rubio, who sponsored the legislation, says it’s “an idea whose time has come,” adding:

“You’ll see it’s an eclectic collection of members of the United States Senate in favor of what we’ve just done here in the Senate, and that’s to pass a bill to make Daylight Savings Time permanent,” said Rubio in remarks on the Senate floor.

“Just this past weekend, we all went through that biannual ritual of changing the clock back and forth and the disruption that comes with it. And one has to ask themselves after a while why do we keep doing it?”

“If we can get this passed, we don’t have to keep doing this stupidity anymore,” added Rubio.

Missouri’s Republican Senator Roy Blunt said he thought the extra hour of sunshine at the end of the day “is better than having it dark when kids go to school and dark when kids get home.”

It wasn’t just Republicans. There were several Democratic cosponsors. Meghan McCain’s bestie Senator Krysten Sinema of Arizona (a state that doesn’t observe Daylight Saving) was presiding at the time of the bill’s consideration. She was heard on the mic saying, “Oooo, I love it,” and “Yes!” when it was passed. Rhode Island’s Democratic senator Sheldon Whitehouse also supported the bill, saying that it could “add a little sunlight into most people’s lives.” The U.S. passing the bill could also mean that Canada would soon follow suit.

When reached for comment, the Sun said, “Bitch, I don’t give a shit about what’s happening on your little green planet. Bask in my rays or kindly fuck off.”

Pic: INSTAR