Category: The Eternals
Kumail Najiani Says That Getting Buff Gave Him Body Dysmorphia
Kumail Najiani is still buff and he’s still talking about it. We’ve got another year of The Eternals promo to thank for this. Kumail is now covering the latest issue of Men’s Health, and he’s letting us know the dark-side to getting buff. He apparently developed body dysmorphia after getting a superhero bod.
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Newly Buff Kumail Nanjiani Became The Face Of A PornHub Category For A Minute
Kumail Nanjiani shattered the loins of the internet earlier this week when he posted pictures of his new buff body brought on by his The Eternals workout routine. Kumail’s wife, Emily V. Gordon, kept the thirst traps coming when she posted another shirtless picture of Kumail, this time with a fucking pussy on his legs. The animal variety. And also, Kumail can say he’s really made it since PornHub made him a category model.
Who Ordered The Roast Beef? Because Kumail Nanjiani Just Served It On Instagram
I spent a good portion of my morning recovering from a severe case of the vapors after I opened up Instagram and scrolled past Kumail Nanjiani’s airtight thirst trap. Kumail revealed himself with a shirtless photo to celebrate his recent physical transformation from “regular guy” to “lord Jesus its a fire.” Good thing I was already in bed because when I saw that shit I heard something inside my body go “pop” and proceeded to pass the fuck out. When I came to, I finally understood what people mean when they say “when I finally (fill in the blank), it’s over for you bitches.” In this instance, whether he warned us or not, Kumail went and got ripped for his role in The Eternals, and I’m the bitch it’s over for. My condolations to his wife Emily V. Gordon on this rare occasion where both congratulations and condolences are in order.
Marvel’s First Openly Gay Superhero Won’t Be Played By Richard Madden
Marvel’s The Eternals is coming, and with it a representational cast of thousands including heroes gender-swapped from the comics, a rainbow of ethnicities, the MCU’s first deaf hero, and finally, some hot spandexed man-on-spandexed man action. The rumor was that the first openly queer hero in Marvel Cinematic Universe history would be Ikaris, played by the Scottish, square-jawed and possibly bisexual himself Richard Madden. Not so fast! MCU Cosmic says it’s a different character and actor. And the character will already have a partner and kids! WHAT KIND OF HETERONORMATIVE BULLSHIT IS THIS? Fun fact: “heteronormative bullshit” is gay guy speak for the fear that there won’t be any full-frontal or anal scenes between Sean Cody-looking dudes in the content in question.
Keanu Reeves Is In Talks To Join “The Eternals” Opposite Angelina Jolie
Most people agree that Keanu Reeves is pretty much the best. He’s kind, humble, and reportedly, immortal. So far, there’s been no dark force in all the universe that’s been able to tarnish people’s love for him. Until now. Fansided reports that Keanu is in talks to take a role in the upcoming Marvel film The Eternals, which as we know, features Angelina Jolie. I’ve said it before and I still believe it to be a real possibility: The most Angelina thing to do now that’s she’s a single woman, would be to have a torrid affair with a coworker. Previously I worried that married man Kumail Nanjiani might become her unwitting prey. But now I’m more worried about Keanu. Even though he’s single, his status as World’s Most Beloved Unproblematic Fave, might make him just the big game Angelina needs to achieve her diabolical second act. Beware The (Home) Reckoning!
“The Eternals” May Have A Gay Superhero Lead
Angelina Jolie was just announced as possibly/probably/most likely going to be in a new Marvel comic superhero movie called The Eternals. Well, Marvel is really working overtime to get this movie on the pre-pre-pre hype train. We’re hearing even more rumors like how the male lead superhero could be a big gay. Specifically, it could be Hercules, seen above making out with an alternate-universe cowboy-style Wolverine. Gird your loins, comic book geeks: the homophobic ones among you are about to come out in full force.