Category: Mia Goth

Shia LaBeouf Swears His Wedding To Mia Goth Was Not A Performance Art Piece

October 18, 2016 / Posted by:

Shortly after try-hard king Shia LaBeouf’s Las Vegas wedding to his eyebrow-deficient queen Mia Goth was  livestreamed on TMZ, it was revealed that they didn’t legally get married and it might have been a performance art piece. The clerk’s office in Clark County, Nevada couldn’t seem to find a marriage license for the LaGoths and called their ceremony a “commitment ceremony.” Shia clearly wanted to set the record straight about what happened in Las Vegas last week. Shia showed up on today’s episode of Ellen, because Ellen is Shia’s favorite place to go when he wants to explain the shit he’s done.

Shia told Ellen DeGeneres that the plan was for him and Mia to get married in private at the Viva Las Vegas wedding chapel. He claims he and Mia were offered a livestream as part of their wedding package, but they declined it. Shia says he got a call later telling them that someone “pressed the wrong button” and sent a livestream of their wedding to TMZ. Sure they did, Shia.

Shia wasn’t that upset that strangers got to see his ~so cool~ wedding ceremony to his hipster Blythe doll wife. He says they’re proud of it because “it’s love.” Shia is also glad their wedding video was released because their mothers were there, but their dads couldn’t make it.

As for whether or not their marriage is a legal one, Shia didn’t say. Which means that in a couple of months, I have a feeling I’m going to open the internet one morning and read: “Shia LaBeouf and Mia Goth split but not divorced because come on, like that marriage was even real.” Listen to me. Months? How generous.

Screengrab: TMZ

Brace Yourselves For A Shock: Shia LaBeouf Isn’t Legally Married And Probably Did It For Attention

October 13, 2016 / Posted by:

Shia LaBeouf and his on-and-off-again girlfriend of a few years, Mia Goth, got “married” by an Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas on Monday and it was livestreamed on TMZ, because this is the world we live in now. Sans the fact that it was livestreamed and went down on a Monday, it was my kind of wedding, because it was cheap, classy and steps away from many all-you-can-eat buffets. But as many tricks suspected, Shia and Mia’s wedding was just like his rattail: elegant but FAKE AS FUCK!

Since Shia and Mia’s Monday afternoon wedding was the celebrity event of the century decade year month day hour minute second, the clerk’s office in Clark County, Nevada got a lot of inquiries from the media. The media wanted to know if Shia and Mia got a marriage license. They didn’t. The clerk’s office looked through their records, which are public, and found no sign of a marriage license for LaDouche and MIA (which isn’t only her name, but also describes her eyebrow situation). Clark County tweeted this yesterday:

People asked Shia’s rep if it was a commitment ceremony or just another performance art piece. His rep didn’t get back to them.

Whether or not it was a real commitment ceremony between Shia and Mia, a bond was solidified in front of TMZ’s cameras on Monday afternoon in Las Vegas. Shia made a commitment to love, cherish and forever worship his real soulmate: ART! So, congratulations to Shia and his new wife, Mrs. High Art LaBeouf!

Pic: Splash

Shia LaBeouf And Mia Goth Got Married By Elvis In Las Vegas And It Was Livestreamed On TMZ

October 10, 2016 / Posted by:

Las Vegas has long been known as the HIGH ART capital of the world, so it’s not a surprise that Summer’s Eve’s favorite artist Shia LaBeouf (sorry, James Franco) would choose it as the place to perform his latest art piece that I’d like to call “This Is Not Going To End Well.” Shia and his on-and-off-again brow-less piece Mia Goth got married by an Elvis impersonator in a ceremony that was livestreamed on TMZ. If Pimp Mama Kris had a heart, it would break by the heavy weight of betrayal from Harvey Levin letting someone other than a Kartrashian be the first fame whore to get married live on TMZ.

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Shia LaBeouf And His No Brows-Having Girlfriend Are Probably Engaged

March 17, 2016 / Posted by:

Last July, the human form of a clump of pubes blocking a drain got into a loud, wreck of a fight with his girlfriend Mia Goth on the street and it ended with him hitching a ride to the airport with strangers. The strangers recorded  Shia LaBeouf saying that he would’ve killed Mia if he stayed there. When someone is on record saying that they were thisclose to murdering you, that may be your cue to delete their phone number and send them a break-up letter written on the back of a restraining order. LaDouche and Mia broke up for a second, but they got back together. And now UsWeekly is saying that they’re promised to be married and TMZ has pictures of Mia of the Sunset Valley Goths wearing what looks like an engagement ring on her hitchin’ finger.

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Shia LaBeouf Allegedly Got Into A Violent Fight With His Girlfriend In Germany (UPDATE)

July 27, 2015 / Posted by:

Dumb, naive me. Here I was thinking that Shia LaBeouf somehow found a way to curb his asshole ways. Lately, the only things he’s been found guilty of doing are humping the American flag by doing the most ‘Murican thing of all time (read: line dancing to a Steve Earle song in a Stay USA Hotel parking lot in South Dakota) and bringing Gummo glamour to the forefront with his clip-on rattail. But well, if the German tabloid Bild is telling the truth, then Shia LaDouche is back to being an extra chunky shit stain on humanity.

Buzzfeed says that Bild reported that 29-year-old Shia and his 22-year-old girlfriend of 2 years, Mia Goth, got into a screaming fight on Friday as they left a taxi outside of a hotel in Tübingen, Germany. Mia is in Germany to film a horror movie. One witness said that Shia looked drunk and he allegedly told Mia that he did not want to become “aggressive” with her as she pulled at his backpack and begged him to stay.

The argument got so messy that a group of locals had to jump in and break them up. They could’ve easily broken it up by waving a bar of soap at Shia since soap is obviously his arch rival and he’ll run away from it. The locals didn’t bust a CITIZEN’S ARREST on Shia or turn him over to the cops. Instead, they gave him a ride to the airport and during that ride, he allegedly told them that he would’ve killed Mia if they didn’t break up the fight.

The fight reportedly left Shia with a jacked-up hand (from punching a wall, possibly) and Mia had a black eye the next day. Bild’s story doesn’t say how Mia got a black eye and it doesn’t say if witnesses saw Shia hit her. Reps for Mia and Shia had nothing to say about Bild’s story.

Since Shia seems to have been cut from the same angry shit head cloth as Sean Penn, this story seems pretty believable. Shia also has a history of being a drunk mess and punching walls. If it is true, Shia’s mother needs to finally come and collect his Oedipus ass. And Mia needs to ruuuuun, ruuuun and keep running until she gets to the safe house where her eyebrows have been waiting for her ever since they checked off of her face because they wanted no part of her relationship with Shia.

UPDATE: Entertainment Tonight posted a video taken by the men who gave Shia a ride to the airport. The edited video starts with Shia getting out of the taxi and telling Mia, “I don’t wanna touch you. I don’t wanna be aggressive. This is the kind of shit that makes a person abusive.” Those lines are straight out of the first page of a book called “Shit A Batterer Says.” Mia takes his backpack at one point and Shia begs her to give it back to him. Once in the car, Shia tells the dudes that he would’ve killed her and then he tries to FaceTime with Megan Fox. Because Megan Fox probably has Shia’s name in her contacts as “DO NOT PICK UP NO MATTER WHAT,” the FaceTime session doesn’t happen. When they get to the airport, a plastered Shia looks into the camera and tells the dudes that he’ll take care of them if they come to L.A. The video auto-plays, so it’s after the cut.

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Shia LaBeouf’s “Method Acting” Is The Reason Why He Got Fired From A Broadway Play And Ended Up In Jail

October 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Seen above looking like a dirty hot, dick jelly-ridden hitchhiker that you picked up one night and had messy fuck times with in a motel room before waking up the next morning to find out that he stole your car and gave you crabs, Shia LaBeouf tells Interview Magazine (via Page Six) that “method acting” is what led him to a jail cell and is what got him pink-slipped from the Broadway play Orphans. When Shia got fired from Orphans for being difficult  and he started terrorizing homeless guys in Times Square, some blamed it on Shia being Shia and others blamed it on booze, the bad shit or a mental breakdown. Shia tells Interview that the only drug to blame is AC-TING! It took him a while, but Shia finally played the Joaquin Phoenix card.

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