Category: McDonald’s
Open Post: Hosted By The FTC Investigating McDonald’s Always-Broken Ice Cream Machines
Remember how there’s a website called McBroken which tracks all the broken ice cream machines in McDonald’s? It’s been a running gag among anyone who has ever been to a McDonald’s that their ice cream machines are always broken but it may actually be some kind of malicious plot! The Wall Street Journal says that the company is now the target of an investigation by the Federal Trade Commission over the forever malfunctioning blended germ machines. Wow, someone big and important really missed out on their Oreo McFlurry and it put them in the wrong mood!
Open Post: Hosted By A Calf Sitting In The Backseat Of A Car At A McDonald’s Drive-Thru
The lengths that shady Ronald McDonald will go to in order to make us think that McDonald’s beef patties are the freshest. I mean, putting a live cow in front of a McDonald’s to make it look like a farm-to-wrapper joint. Shameless! But no, luckily for this little cow, they were not on their way to becoming a Big Mac. This calf was spotted sitting in the backseat of a car at a McDonald’s drive-thru in Marshfield, Wisconsin. Someone really should’ve called the ASPCA to report cow cruelty, because feeding McCrap to ourselves is one thing, but feeding it to a poor calf is another!
Open Post: Hosted By The New Oreo Spam Burger From McDonald’s China
Listen, my taste buds are the opposite of refined. My favorite “salad” is Tostitos, cheese, iceberg lettuce, and ground beef, all smothered in Catalina dressing. But even I, a proud trash food person, cannot get on board with the new offering from McDonald’s China… introducing the new Oreo Spam Burger. It’s exactly what it sounds like. Oreo crumble, two slices of Spam, topped with mayo (!!), on a classic sesame seed bun. This Frankenstein creation was released today and is only available for a very limited time. So fuck this virus, get your ass over to China ASAP!
Open Post: Hosted By McBroken, The Website That Tracks Every McDonald’s With A Broken Ice Cream Machine
It’s a shame that this year’s Nobel prizes have already been handed out, because the award for Economics (and, frankly, for Peace), should definitely have gone to the 24-year-old who put together a tracking app that lets users know about every single broken ice cream machine at McDonald’s restaurants throughout the entire United States. That’s right, from now on, self-loathing, hungover losers like myself will no longer have to experience that sinking feeling you get when you stumble into a McDonald’s, smackdown your sofa-cushion change, and ask for an OREO McFlurry––only to be told that the machine is broken again.
Open Post: Hosted By The Double Big Mac
Sorry to break it to you, but we are living in the end times. 2020 has brought the crazy with the coronavirus pandemic, stock market plunge, election, climate crisis… Hell, even this season of RuPaul’s Drag Race is plagued by darkness. But there is hope. There is light. And we have McDonald’s to thank for it.
McDonald’s has decided to reboot the Grand Mac with The Double Big Mac. That’s right, you stupid little piggies. Your perverted prayers have come true. Starting today, for a limited time, you can get your chubby (hopefully sanitized) hands on the “Double Big Mac”. The company will also sell the “Little Mac”, for those of us trying to limber up pre-apocalypse.
Open Post: Hosted By McDonald’s Scented Candles
Not to be outdone by Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goopy vagina candle and the crotch essence of Erykah Badu, McDonald’s has also joined in on the fascinating smell of beef (sorry for that). Personally, I’d rather have a candle that smells like the mob wife rose, Robin Colombo, from McMillion$.