Category: Marion Cotillard
The FBI Has Closed Its Child Abuse Investigation On Brad Pitt
Brad Pitt must be saying a thank you prayer to the stoner gods today, because CNN says the FBI is no longer investigating his alleged drunk dad plane fight with Maddox Jolie-Pitt.
Marion Cotillard Describes Her Sex Scene With Brad Pitt In “Allied” As Awkward
Apparently Marion Cotillard and Brad Pitt have shared more Allied awkwardness than just rumors of on-set two-timing. UsWeekly says that Marion admitted during a press conference for Allied in Los Angeles on Sunday that while it might look hot that her and Brad’s characters get it on in a car in a sandstorm, filming it wasn’t nearly as sexy.
Brad Pitt Didn’t Commit Child Abuse, So Rules DCFS
TMZ reported yesterday that the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services closed their file on Brad Pitt after coming to the conclusion that whatever he did or said to 15-year-old Maddox Jolie-Pitt on that private plane wasn’t child abuse. Officials apparently busted out an “exhaustive” investigation and interviewed Brad, St. Angie Jolie, the child army and witnesses who were on that plane. They also investigated other claims that Brad has been verbally abusive to his 6 children before. They’re done with the investigation and decided that Brad is not a human version of that “Hey stupid, don’t you know how to listen?” PSA from the 1980s. Okay, but did DCFS ever find out if Brad made his children watch his Chanel commercial, because that counts as child abuse.
Marion Cotillard’s Partner Guillaume Canet Addressed Those “Haters”
You know how you can tell a couple is ride-or-die for each other? When they’re two French people who check the “haters” in separate Instagram posts. In Français! Oscar-winning actress, Marion Cotillard, had the bad luck (“Quelle est cette chose que vous appelez mauvais?” – Paramount executives) to have filmed Allied with stoner-dad-under-siege Brad Pitt immediately preceding his wife Angelina Jolie filing for “eff this, I’m out.” She’s since been the target of rumors that her chatte (like Michael, I love Google Translate) was the reason for their split. Marion has already Instagrammed a statement denying it and wishing the “haters” a swift recovery from their fever of stupidity. And now her partner of nine years, actor/director Guillaume Canet, has addressed the “haters” himself on behalf of his maman bébé. He even wrote “shit” in French. Swoon!
Marion Cotillard Is Pregnant And Isn’t “Distressed” About The Brad Pitt Rumors
I didn’t think she would, but Marion Cotillard has decided to drop a farté (that’s French for fart, right?) on the rumors that she boned Brad Pitt while shooting Allied and that she’s got a Pitt baby growing in her womb. Marion did confirm in an Instagram post that she’s knocked up, but said that the father of her second baby is her piece of 9 years Guillaume Canet. The Daily Mail said that Marion was “distressed” about the rumor, but she says she really doesn’t give one fuck and left a special note for the “haters.” Yes, today I learned that Oscar-winner Marion Cotillard uses the word “haters” and is serious when she uses it.
Some Source Says That Marion Cotillard Would Like To Be Excluded From This Narrative
Nearly right after TMZ reported that Angelina Jolie took a machete to Brangelina because the demon weed turns Brad Pitt into a mean daddy, Page Six shook their head NO to that claim. Page Six said that St. Angie hired a private investigator to follow Brad around while he shot the movie Allied in London earlier this year, and when the PI put a magnifying glass over his dick, they found poonaise sauce that came from the chocha of his co-star Marion Cotillard! Page Six’s source that Brad humping on Marion is what broke Brangie. But everyone from TMZ to People and beyond said that wasn’t so and Angie doesn’t have to awkwardly welcome her husband’s side piece to the IHA (International Homewreckers Association) because her divorce filing wasn’t brought on by cheating. The Daily Mail spoke to some source who says that it’s not true and Marion is probably devastated over being wrongly dragged into that messy situation and mislabeled as a maison dépanneuse (that’s Google French for “home wrecker.”)