Category: Lorde
Lorde Performed In A Box And Moshed Around The Stage At The AMAs Last Night Because It’s Lorde
Because the American Music Awards are sort of like a high school talent show (“You mean they aren’t?” hissed the Grammys), it seemed fitting that the moody pseudo-goth teenage girl trapped in the body of a moody pseudo-goth teenage girl known as Lorde would perform the song she wrote for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 “Yellow Flicker Beat”. But unlike her BFF Taylor Swift, who chose to serve up some theater kid with rich parents realness, Lorde pulled a no fucks given cool art room girl and was just like “Whatever, just put a bunch of empty boxes on stage and I’ll flail around like I’ve been possessed by the ghost of Shannon Hoon.”
I was hoping Lorde would pull out all the angsty vampire teen stops during her performance, and I wasn’t disappointed. Lorde opened “Yellow Flicker Beat” sneering inside a white glowing cube, which I guess symbolizes isolation or alienation or something equally deep for an 18-year-old. Then she left the cube and awkwardly moshed around a bunch of living mannequins like she was trying to scratch an itch without using her hands, and wrapped it all up by smearing her lipstick across her face. Wow. Such deep. Very fuck society.
But even weirder than Lorde’s AMA performance is finding out that Lorde apparently loves porn star James Deen:
“Adored Wells Tower’s GQ profile” – what a coincidence, that’s totally why I love James Deen too! Just kidding, it’s because of his penis.
Diplo Has Taken A Break From Dragging Taylor Swift, Has Moved On To Lorde
Last week, 36-year-old professional iTunes jockey, father of two, and the Gretchen Wieners to Katy Perry’s Regina George Diplo became the latest member of the Too Old For This Shit Crew when he came for come-to-life slice of banana cream pie Taylor Swift by tweeting that someone should make a kickstarter to get her a booty. That’s when the Janis Ian to Taylor’s Cady Heron Lorde decided to get involved by throwing shade at Diplo for having a small penis. And now it looks like the adult high school mean girl bitch fight continues! In response to Lorde’s trouser worm accusations, Diplo dropped whatever he was doing in iTunes and tweeted the following:
Then, to remind us that he still has at least 6 pages dedicated to Tay Tay in his burn book, he replied to this obviously fake Taylor Swift tweet about her ass, as well as continued to troll Tay Tay’s fans:
Katy Perry’s Maybe-Boyfriend Diplo Started A Kickstarter To Get Taylor Swift A Booty
So I guess that bitchy high school girl feud between wannabe goth kid Katy Perry and butterscotch prom queen Taylor Swift is still a thing, and now it looks like Kay Kay has dragged her 36-year-old maybe-boyfriend Diplo into it. Yesterday, Diplo tweeted the following shade at Tay Tay:
Someone should make a kickstarter to get taylor swift a booty
— BABY DADDY (@diplo) November 12, 2014
Of course within minutes, one of Diplo’s followers set up a Fundly page titled – you guessed it – “Get Taylor Swift A Booty“. So far, the campaign to get Taylor Swift a booty has 29 supporters and has raised a whopping $45 (which is almost enough to buy a pair of Crownette padded briefs from Sears). This act of grown-ass mean girl cuntery pleased Diplo, so he continued to tweet the link to the Fundly page several times, as well as re-tweeting a joke that a petition was sent to the White House to include getting Taylor Swift a booty in the federal budget.
Jennifer Lawrence Will Never Be On Twitter And It’s All Your Fault, Internet!
Uh oh, bad news for those of you who have been longing to read the 140-character thoughts of America’s Sweetheart Jennifer Lawrence (“@JLawSweatpants: More like America’s Sweet-fart #LOL #fart #nailedit”). JLaw recently admitted to Nick Grimshaw on the BBC Radio 1 Breakfast Show (via E!) that you’ll never see her tweeting about pizza or farts or falling asleep to House Hunters at Chris Martin’s house and waking up in a pile of pizza and farts, because she doesn’t know how that internet shit works! LOL SO RILL! But also because she and the internet aren’t exactly on good terms ever since…you know…The Fappening:
Lorde Says She’s Being Stalked By A Creepy Middle-Aged Pap
In a move that would horrify and paralyze with fear every member of the kamera-loving Kardashian family, 17-year-old New Zealand singer and Urban Outfitters version of Rayanne Graff Lorde has taken to Twitter to call out a middle-aged paparazzi she believes is stalking her. Lorde claims in a series of tweets that the pap, a creepy water cooler salesman-looking dude named Simon Runting, has been stalking her around the Auckland airport by photographing her, and refusing her privacy, saying “This should not be an accepted standard for young women or anyone in this industry.” She also went on to say: “I refuse to stay complicit and I refuse to stay passive about men systematically subjecting me to extreme fear”, adding “I understand that this comes with the territory. I do not understand why I should be complacent”.
Damn, those are some serious words! “Systematically subjecting me to extreme fear”? Is Simon Runting chasing after Lorde in a Leatherface mask, waving some kind of home-made chainsaw camera at her? Maybe chill out just a bit on the “extreme” part of “extreme fear”; he’s taking pictures in an airport, not waiting outside your bedroom window with a machete.
On the other hand, if Simon Runting is following Lorde around as much as she says he is (ie. to the point that she feels it’s getting stalker-y), then he needs to get a fucking life. It’s Lorde, not The Hammaconda. Nobody is foaming at the mouth for EXCLUSIVE pics of Emo Merida pulling her suitcase through customs. Maybe it’s time to roll up the sleeping bag you’ve got stashed in the restroom at the Auckland airport and move on to catching bigger fish (like the elusive great white whale known as The Hammaconda).
Pic: Splash
Lorde, Who Wasn’t Even A Zygote When Nirvana Was A Thing, Paid Tribute To Nirvana Last Night
Last night at the Barclays Centre – a venue that will always sound to me like a snooty prep-school from an 80s teen movie – Nirvana was inducted into The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame after finally meeting the 25-year waiting period (brb need to pack my bags for the nursing home, because that made me feel OLD). After being inducted by ageless Georia peach Michael Stipe, several artists joined Nirvana on stage to perform a medley of their songs, including Kim Gordon of Sonic Youth (makes sense), Joan Jett (I’m with you), St. Vincent (she’s good at guitar, so okay), and Lorde (wait just a goddamn Teen Spirit second).
Lorde was negative-3 years old when In Utero was released, so it makes about as much sense to let her sing “All Apologies” with Nirvana as it would to call Sophia Grace and Rosie up on stage and hand them a mic. But maybe it wasn’t so much about singing as it was about having someone who can visually represent the 90s, and nobody’s doing a better job of dry humping the 90s than Lorde. For her performance, Lorde started with her usual Rayanne Graff drag and added one of Paula Poundstone’s old pantsuits (that also kind of looked suspiciously like the pyjamas from TLC’s “Creep” video), Rebecca Gayheart’s Noxzema Girl hair, and wrapped it all up in the stage presence of that Stone Temple Pilots-obsessed kid in your grade school talent show doing his best Scott Weiland impression.
Basically, it was almost perfect: all that was missing was Lorde using the end of her pacifier necklace to crack open a can of Crystal Pepsi, and taking a break mid-set to ask the audience what they thought of Bill Clinton and last night’s episode of The Larry Sanders Show.