Category: Lauren Sanchez
Lauren Sanchez’s Pro-Trump Brother Is Probably The Source Of The Leaked Texts Given To The National Enquirer
Well, it turns out Jeff Bezos didn’t accidentally leave his dick pics on the photocopier at work after all. As he suspected, more sinister forces were at work that led to the National Enquirer obtaining private text messages between Jeff and his lovah, Lauren Sanchez, which the Enquirer published. According to a Daily Beast investigation, the person responsible to handing over the goods to the Enquirer was Lauren’s own brother, Trump supporter and Roger Stone’s sometime BFF, Michael Sanchez. Damn. Sometimes, it really do be your own family.
Jeff Bezos Is Accusing The National Enquirer Of Trying To Blackmail Him With Dick Pics
Amazon super billionaire Jeff Bezos, who was asking how the National Enquirer got hold of his nudes the other day, has now taken things ten steps further and accused the Enquirer and parent company, American Media Inc., of extortion. And honey, before you think they can claim “defamation” Jeff has plenty of receipts and gets bold. Are you ready for the dick-measuring battle of Pecker (the one on Jeff Bezos’ crotch) v. Pecker (the one who owns the Enquirer)?
Jeff Bezos Wants To Know How The National Enquirer Got Its Hands On His N00dz
The early days of a relationship (or affair) are just the best…you gush really stupid shit to each other that would be deemed certifiably insane and emotionally unstable by an outside audience, you send lots of emojis, and there’s definitely the occasional peen pic or 50. Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez were doing that behind the backs of their spouses, and The National Enquirer got wind of that and spilled the tea to the rest of us. Now Jeff is out with a vengeance to see who handed off his dick pics to them. Hint: he thinks it may have something to do with Trump.
Jeff Bezos And Lauren Sanchez Are Moving In Together
Faster than an Amazon Prime package arrives, Jeff Bezos is ready to share a roof with Lauren Sanchez, the woman who he may or may not have cheated his wife MacKenzie Bezos with. Now that everyone knows the married (but not to each other) duo have been doing each other and have “same day delivery” as their safe phrase, it appears they’re moving in together.
Jeff Bezos And Lauren Sanchez Are “Madly” In Love
The only reason the Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos divorce is any fun at all is because it substitutes as a lottery fantasy. Because trust me, there are probably at least 12 average middle-aged dudes in the process of divorcing their wives in your town or city right now. Pick one; that dude has probably also texted his new girlfriend pictures of his dick using the same phone he FaceTimes his kids on. Nobody gives a shit about that loser. But Jeff is SO RICH that when People reports that his relationship with Lauren Sanchez, his new girlfriend whom he may or may not cheated with, is “stronger than ever” and “they’re madly in love.” I feel a hot nugget of envy well up in my gut. OVER JEFF BEZOS! I pass this dude on the street, every mother-loving day. He’s walking the family labradoodle, wearing a Patagonia fleece vest, and listening to Radiolab on his ear pods. Absolutely NOT interested. But Jeff, Jeff is so rich.
Jeff Bezos May Have A Big Dick, And He Denies Cheating Again
This Jeff Bezos divorce story is definitely snowballing right on schedule, which is immediately. Divorce is messy, and this is the most expensive divorce in history. Win big, lose hard, I guess? …Speaking of things that are big and hard: it’s now being reported that Jeff Bezos has a big dick. Yup, we all knew this saga would eventually crash into DickPicVille.