Katt Williams Got Arrested In Georgia Again

Somewhere, the silky-haired ghost of Katt Williams Past is judging current-day Katt Williams like, “All these mugshots are not a good look for you, boo boo.”

TMZ says that Katt Williams was arrested in Georgia yesterday. And I’m about to tell you something that might shock you, so you better sit down: It wasn’t for punching someone. I can barely believe it myself. The Hall County Sheriff’s Office tells TMZ that Katt was arrested after weed and weapons were found inside his house.

The reason for why the cops were searching his home is crazier than the actual arrest. It all started on March 1 (the same the day Katt punched a “rapper“ in Los Angeles), when one of his bodyguards went to the police claiming that Katt had roughed him up and threatened to kill him. According to WSB-TV Atlanta, Feral Katt was pissed that his bodyguard, Corey Dixon, refused to do some illegal shit for him, so he allegedly had one of his minions choke and beat Corey with a baseball bat while he watched.

When the police raided Katt’s house Tuesday morning, they found “large quantities” of weed and several firearms. Katt was arrested for the following: aggravated assault, terroristic threats, false imprisonment, as well as possession of drugs and weapons. 24-year-old Tatiana Smith, the person who Katt ordered to beat and choke his bodyguard, was also arrested for her involvement.

I always thought it was weird that Katt Williams was friends with Suge Knight, because on the outside, it seemed like they really didn’t have much in common. As it turns out, they have plenty in common. Like arranging hits on their enemies and watching while it goes down. Or this could just be Katt filling in for Suge while he’s on the inside. I wasn’t watching closely when Suge Knight shuffled off to jail, so I could have missed the moment when he crouched down and passed the sadistic monster torch to Katt Williams on the way in.

Pic: Hall County Sheriff’s Office

Katt Williams Is Punching His Way Across The USA

If Keebler-sized comedian Katt Williams’ 2016 New Year’s resolution was to see more places and punch more people, then I’d say he’s doing a great job so far. Last week, it was reported that Katt Williams punched a pool supply store employee in Gainesville, GA, punched a female fan in Atlanta, and punched a car accident bystander in Los Angeles. Now it looks like we can add Philadelphia to the list of places Katt Williams has punched someone in 2016.

According to TMZ, Feral Katt’s fist-swinging tour made a stop in Philadelphia during a rap show on Sunday. Because Katt is a professional mess, he made sure to warm up first by grabbing a mic and busting out a verse, dancing like a malfunctioning Rock’n Flower, and doing push-ups on stage. Once he was done all of that, he was ready to go full-Katt, which you can see at the 1:54 mark.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JD1gGt57qqc

TMZ says that Katt was subdued with a beat down courtesy of the entourage of the guy he punched, and that no one was arrested. As for why Katt was acting up again, I’m going to guess he was possessed by the same malevolent feline demon that was cast out of Lux the Cat. We’re only three months into 2016, and Katt has punched four people in three states in only 8 days. It’s like he’s trying to meet a deadline or something. Is he trying to punch people in all 50 states by Independence Day? Damn Katt, slow down – it’s not The Amazing Race.

Pic: Splash

Katt Williams Was Really Busy In Georgia (UPDATE)

Earlier this week it was reported that Polly Pocket-sized stand-up comedian Katt Williams got arrested after terrorizing a pool supply store during a recent tour stop in Georgia. If you can believe it, whooping a trick over some pool shock wasn’t the messiest situation he got into while he was there.

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Katt Williams Got Arrested For Getting Into A Fight At A Pool Supply Store

I went in to today assuming that no news reported today would be able to hold a candle to Leonardo DiCaprio finally getting his hands on the gold-plated trophy of his dreams. But non-Oscar news has really come hard today. First there was the story about Chris Jones’ fugitive penis, and now we have a story about a retail brawl starring a pocket-sized stand-up comedian who isn’t Kevin Hart. Although Kevin Hart does make an appearance in this story a little while later.

According to TMZ, Katt Williams – who looks a whole lot less like Katt Williams when he isn’t wearing his usual Hunger Games pimp drag – was arrested earlier today in Gainesville, Georgia for getting into a fight with an employee at a pool supply store. Police say it started as a verbal fight that escalated into a regular fight when Katt threw something at the employee (my guess is a package of Star Wars dildo-style pool toys), which was then  followed by a punch. When police arrived, they claimed to have found Katt Williams waiting for them on the ground with his hands behind his back. TMZ says he was released on $5000 bail.

If this story is giving you déjà vu, it might be because you’ve heard it before. Back in 2012, Katt Williams got into a verbal fight that turned into a slap fight with an employee at a Sacramento Target store. Basically, Katt Williams needs to get a fucking Amazon Prime account and start doing all his shopping online, because he clearly can’t handle the in-store experience.

Now, remember two seconds ago when I mentioned that Kevin Hart? Katt’s recent disturbance doesn’t end at starting fights with store employees. BET says that during a comedy show in Atlanta on Saturday, Katt hissed at Kevin Hart for being a “puppet” and accused him of sucking dicks to get ahead. Once again, if this sounds familiar to you, it might be because you’re remembering back to 2012 when Katt Williams wanted you to know that he’s 100% sure Jamie Foxx is gay.

That’s a weird coincidence, right? Pretty much the exact same shit happened four years later. Katt Williams is the leap year of messes. And here’s Katt Williams’ current nemesis at the Oscars last night.

Pics: Gainesville Times, Wenn.com

OctoMom As Angelina Jolie

OctoMom’s local marijuana dispensary must’ve raised their prices, because bitch is hustling hard (not really) for another quick check and her hustle game led her to posing as Oscar Angie and Tomb Raider Angie for InTouch Weekly. InTouch would’ve totally nailed this Octo as Angie photo shoot (not really, the sequel) if they Photoshopped Angie’s bulging vein of doom onto Octo’s endless forehead and replaced the deadness in Octo’s eyes with a twinkle that says, “Bring me your ripest virgin.“

Because you care, InTouch asked Octo what she does on a daily basis and she lied and said “a lot!” instead of saying “drink myself into a coma in the utility closet.”

“I do a lot! I’m a cook, a chauffeur and a nanny! [I spend] a couple hundred dollars a week on groceries. I do several loads [of laundry] every day — there’s always clothes in my washer.”

Your mind is throbbing from how fascinating this is, I know. And what does Octo think about Angie?

“I admire her. She saves children’s lives. I get that we both have a lot of kids, but I don’t think I look anything like her.”

Octo isn’t giving herself enough credit. If you took Angie and filled her with helium, more craziness and desperation, she’d look just like Octo. And yes, Angie saves children’s lives, I guess, but when is she going to save the lives of the OctoKids? Because I’m sure that while Octo was talking to InTouch, a few of the OctoKids were hitchhiking back home after she accidentally left them in the grocery store parking lot.

OctoMom Might’ve Committed Welfare Fraud

Somebody just keeps screwing with OctoMom’s life, because when authorities aren’t investigating her for being a drunken wreck who loses her kids, she’s being investigated for cheating taxpayers out of money. TMZ says that somebody tipped off the authorities about Octo’s shady ways. They told officials at the L.A. County Dept. of Welfare Fraud Prevention and Investigation that Octo is collecting welfare even though she’s not eligible since she made $200,000 last year.

The fame whore business is obviously the business to be in, because Octo allegedly made all that money from banging herself in the most tragic fap porn ever, stripping, making appearances and whoring her child army out. Before she was making all that money, Octo went on welfare to help her to put food in the mouths of all 14 of her kids. Since Octo has 15 mouths to feed including her own, she’s eligible for public assistance if she makes less than $119,000 a year. If the person who snitched her out is telling the truth, then she’s way over the limit and is breaking laws.

Investigators have launched an investigation and have already talked to people around Octo. If they find out that she did commit welfare fraud and she’s convicted of it, she could get up to 3 years in the clink.

$200,000 is a lot of coins, but it’s not a lot of coins when you have to take care of 14 screaming kids who are constantly screaming at you to put food in their stomach bags. If I lived in one house with that many children, I would spend every cent of that $200,000 on booze, weed and black market anti-depressants. I know this crazy bitch did to herself, but damn.

What Octo needs to do is rent out her child army. If you know someone who is having unprotected sex and isn’t ready to be a parent, pay Octo $200 to let them live with her child army for one day. It’ll be like Planned Parenthood’s answer to Scared Straight. Their baby making parts will be scared into never wanting to produce a human ever. Octo will make a quick $200, she won’t have to pay a babysitter, she can stop abusing the welfare system and that person you know who isn’t ready to be a parent will never have sex again! It’s a win/win for everyone.

Or Octo can just admit that she committed welfare fraud and gladly go to prison where she can smoke contraband weed and inject dish soap into her lips.