UPDATE: Lux, The Cat Who Terrorized A Portland Family, Is Getting Therapy

The fate of Lux, the raging fat pussy who scratched at a baby and held a family hostage in a bedroom, was left up in the air after the police caught his crazy ass and jailed him in a crate. I guessed that Lux would escape out of his crate and assemble an army of fellow angry pussies to get revenge on all of us humans. But Lux’s family says they’re going to keep him and they’re getting him help. Uh huh, they better also get their baby a onesie and bonnet made of armor, because you know Lux is ready for round two.

Lux became an overnight hero to Not The One Pussies everywhere when he went full crazy on Lee Palmer, Teresa Barker and their baby Jesse after Lee kicked him in the ass for scratching Jesse. After barricading themselves in a bedroom in their Portland, OR apartment, Lee called 911 and told the operator that Lux has a “history of violence” and that he “went over the edge.” The cops showed up and after they cleaned up the piss that trickled out of their pant legs from laughing so damn hard, they caught Lux and put him in a crate. Lee and Teresa said at the time that they weren’t sure what they were going to do with Lux. Yesterday, Lee and Teresa told reporters that they’re going to make it work with Lux and a pussy psychologist (Side note: I bet Dimitri the Lover has “pussy psychologist” on his business cards). via HuffPo

Two days after police arrived to subdue the 4-year-old part-Himalayan cat, owner Lee Palmer of Portland said he’s taking the feline to a veterinarian. A pet psychologist also is due at the house to see the cat, named Lux.

“We’re not getting rid of him right now,” Palmer said. “He’s been part of our family for a long time.”

Lee also dropped a little important fact about the details of the night that Lux “terrorized” his family. Lux scratched at the baby after the baby PULLED HIS TAIL! So Lux reasonably declares a massacuh after Jesse pulls his tail and Lee ass kicks him and he’s the one who’s gotta lay down on a tiny sofa and spill out his anger issues to a head doctor?! This is obviously a set up. I thought Lux came at that baby because he was jealous, but now I see that baby is trying to get Lux out of the picture. I see you, trouble-making baby.

But whatever,  I hope that by “pet psychologist” they really mean “Jackson Galaxy” and I hope to see all of this unfold on a future episode of My Cat From Hell. 

Because if anybody can save the day, it’s this pussy whisperer.