The Jonas Brothers On The Rumors That At Least One Of Them Loves Peen

Seen above looking like they’re on the cover of a hardcore gay frond porn about three power bottom brothers who are taking over the world six dicks at a time, The Jonas Brothers were asked by Out Magazine how they feel about the rumors that at least one of them gets the ass twitches for hard peen. That picture, Kevin’s new wave poodle hair and the fact that they all look like they’re squinting hard while getting DP’d are adding ten gallons of fuel on the rumors, but they say that they love pussy more than they love Jesus.

Joe: We have a lot of gay friends and gay fans. It’s a boy band stereotype; people assume, but we don’t take offense.

Nick: Prior to us being a band, I was a super theater geek. I loved theater and I still do, and I care about fashion, and I care about a lot of things that I feel like stereotypes are attached to.

Joe: [Being in ‘Out’] is a moment for us for sure. We keep saying, ‘Well, it’s about time.’

I guess Out didn’t include Kevin’s response, because they didn’t know how to properly put his “whistling, shifty eye movements and nail biting” into words.

Delta Goodrem And Nick Jonas Quit Each Other

Nick Jonas has pulled his dusty purity cock ring from the storage box under his bed and Delta Goodrem no longer has to worry about leaving the bar early after her teenage piece gets carded, because they have ended their love after 9 months together. It’s always a sad day for real love when two publicists can’t renegotiate a relationship contract. Delta is busy pushing red buttons as a judge in Australia’s The Voice and Nick is poppin’ his bubble butt on Broadway, so they just don’t have time to hold hands in staged photo-ops anymore. Delta’s rep released this statement to EVERYONE including The Herald Sun in Australia this morning:

“Nick and Delta have decided to mutually end their relationship. At this point in time, they are both focused on their careers as they go on different paths. They remain friends and wish each other the best for the future.”

Somewhere that one Blind Item is re-enacting MiserAlba’s “I CAN ALMOST SEE AGAIN!!” scene from the Oscar-winning classic The Eye, because it has partial vision now that half of it has been solved. As for the other part of that blind item, my ass guessed it’s Joel Madden, but some put Seal’s name in the guess box. Who ever it is, is one lucky dude with a smiley face asshole. That’s if Delta Goodrem lives up to her last name, anyway. I know, Delta’s last name is pronounced “Good Rem,” but that’s not how my dirty ass sees it. Spread your cheeks, flare your b-hole, stick your head in the gutter and say it with me now: Delta GOOD RIM! I’d hit it (after running my no-no under the faucet, of course)!

Kevin Jonas Does Not Want To Turn Into A Creepy Dog Person

Both Brenda Song and Hilary Duff’s wombs are full of sacrifices to Mickey Mouse, so Kevin Jonas said on Access Hollywood Live (via WFP) the other day that he’s starting to feel the pressure from hos to produce an heir to the Disney throne with his wife of over a year (YES, they are still married, believe it or not) Danielle Deleasa.

Even though Kevin and Danielle sleep in completely different rooms, he says they’re going to start making babies….as soon as they realize how babies are made. I’m not going to spoil it for Kevin. That’s a touchy conversation for Mickey Mouse to have with Kevin when he busts into a panic attack meltdown after a boy on the playground tells him that the Birds and the Bees is not about a cartoon bird and a cartoon bee. (Side note: I was really disappointed when I found out that the Birds and the Bees was not a story about a damn fucking bird and a damn fucking bee).

Kevin put it like this:

“It’s that point now where people are just like, ‘Ok, so you’ve been married, when are you gonna have a kid?’

We’ve started to realize we might become those weird dog people. We have our two dogs, so we don’t want to be those weird dog people, so maybe we’re headed there sooner than we thought.

It’s going to be part of our journey very soon, but not right now, exactly.”

Weird dog people?! What does Kevin’s ass mean by that?

Is a weird dog person the kind of bitch who while he was eating a pear on the couch last night, chewed a little piece off for his chihuahua who kept staring at him with the eyes of a starving Ethiopian child? Is a weird dog person the kind of bitch who when it rains, holds an umbrella over his shitting dog and doesn’t care that a drop of pomade water stung his eyeball? Is a weird dog person the kind of bitch who performs a remake of Cliffhanger every night by hugging the edge of the bed, because he wants to give his dog as much sprawling room as possible? Is a weird dog person the kind of bitch who when he goes out of town, calls the boarder and asks them to put his dog on the phone so he can let his pooch know that he hasn’t forgotten about him? Is a weird dog person the kind of bitch who wouldn’t even be mad if his dog ate his face off after he dropped dead in his apartment, because he knows a ho has to eat?

Okay, just making sure, so I know exactly what to tell people after they give me a WTF? look when I say that I can’t go out because I have to make my dog a birthday cake out of whole wheat flour and shredded carrots (true story).

But seriously, Kevin needs to stop. Both he and Danielle instantly became creepy dog people as soon as they started dating each other.

Are These Two Going To Make A Habit Out Of This?

All the goo goo ga ga-ing gossip amongst Beliebers around the diaper genie this morning was about Bieber Degeneres kissing on Selena de Rossi right after he beat out Kanye West for the most talented singing infant award at last night’s BMAs. This is not the first time that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez touched mouths in front of a camera! And this time they did it in front of his mother while Selena wore a low-budget version of Demi Moore’s ho dress from Indecent Proposal! Maybe I grew up in a prude bubble, but when I was 17 I barely touched my boyfriend’s hand in front of my mom. This is not how your mother is supposed to find out that your raging hormones have officially taken over.

She’s supposed to find out when she walks by his bedroom door and hears the frightening sounds of slurping and the murmurs of such sweet nothings like, “No, I think it goes in that one.” Then she’s supposed to run to her bathroom and collapse in tears on her shaggy bath mat over realizing that the innocent baby who came out of her vagina is now cumming in his girlfriend’s vaginaaaaaaah! After the rage burns off her tears, she grabs a bottle of Windex, picks the lock on her son’s bedroom door with a wire hanger and sprays both of them while covering her eyes and screaming about how she doesn’t want to be a young grandma! As his little girlfriend runs out of the house half-nekkid, mom lets him know that they aren’t allowed to see each other again or she’ll delete his Black Ops game and he’ll have to start all over again.

That’s how it’s supposed to go. How dare Justin Bieber rob his mother of such an important moment!

Besides Justin’s mom, here’s who witnessed young gross love in action last night: Taylor Swift, Nicki Minaj, Fergie, Ke$ha, Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban, DOWNTOWN JULIE BROWN!, Joe Jonas, Pedolena Gomez and Bieber with a golden dildo.

They Made It To A Year!

Kevin Jonas has to sleep in a separate room from his wife Danielle due to his coma-waking snoring (aka his boyfriend’s a screamer) and they probably haven’t kissed each other on the lips more than 2 seconds since the time she wore strawberry lip chap (Kevin won’t fall for that trick again!!!!), but their marriage made it to the one year mark! YES, one year without Kevin getting caught by the cops with a twink nom nom-ing on his nip under his cardigan in the rambles! That is an accomplishment and calls for a celebration! And hell did they celebrate….by staying in the suite at Cinderella’s Castle at Disney World in Florida. Well, Kevin stayed in the suite, but Danielle had take her ass to the Ramada down the street due to that pesky ass snoring problem.

But in all seriousness, I can’t believe they made it to a year. The secret to their everlasting love must be to SHARE EVERYTHING…including sweaters.

Joe Jonas Stops For Peen

Sometimes it’s really the little things in life, or in this case the little circumcised HARD things. CallUsFreaks (via ONTD) posted this priceless picture of Joe Jonas getting closer to a fertility statute in the duty free shop of some airport while Ashley Greene was outside trying to flag down a few paps, or something. You know, when you’re walking through a duty free shop and your eyes land on a stone dick, it is your obligation to tickle its nuts while dry banging your culo with the other hand. It just is, so Joe Jonas is totally following protocol.

And here’s a few pictures of Ashley and Joe strolling through LAX yesterday. You know Joe is totally thinking about the duty free fertility statue he shared an intimate moment with. Hey, whatever gets you through a photo-op.