Hot Slut Of The Day!
Altoids Tangerine Sours!
Altoids have been around so long that I’m sure Keith Richards used one of its first-run tins to hold his coke and straw (they came out in the 1780s). I didn’t discover Altoids until junior high school. When I did, you’d think that THE QUEEN herself just anointed me Lady of The Opulent Mints by how I offered those drugstore mints out as though they were edible diamonds in a vintage platinum case. I thought that because they came in a tin, they were the peak of decadence! And if Altoids Sours were around when I was in junior high school, I definitely would’ve handed them out all regal-like, and my bullies definitely would’ve said to me, “Oh, look something that’s almost as fruity and sour as you!”
Altoids’ line of sours came out in 2001. They were like Warheads for those who prefer the finer things in life. Flavors included the iconic tangerine, as well as raspberry, citrus, apple, mango, and passion fruit. Every flavor but tangerine gets the “I don’t know her” label from me because I didn’t even know they existed until today. I thought tangerine was the lone sour Altoid. But sadly, by 2010, Altoids stopped giving its customers a case of the fruity puckers by shit-canning its sour candies. Of course, like with many discontinued items, there’s a group of Altoids Sourheads who have been begging for its return! So a couple of years ago, Bustle wrote to the customer service department of Mars, Altoids’ maker, to ask why it was sent to the luxury candy graveyard. The reason: nobody bought that shit! I know; this country just doesn’t appreciate true refinement.
According to a Mars customer service representative, it was the former: low sales. “They were discontinued due to low national demand,” the rep told Bustle. “If a product is not selling particularly well, unfortunately, we sometimes have to discontinue it.”
There are brand new tins of Altoids Sours on eBay, but they run from $45 all the way up to $255 a pop. That’s still a small price to pay for those mouth jewels of decadence. But if you can’t afford real Altoids Sours, just buy an empty tin on eBay (99 cents plus s/h), fill it with dupes, and there you go! Although, then you run the risk of offering a dupe to an Altoids connoisseur, who would immediately sniff out the fakeness and banish you from their sight in disgust!
Pic: BuzzFeed