Yesterday, I posted about Bam Margera going missing after leaving a Florida rehab center that he was court-ordered to attend. Everyone can breathe a sigh of relief/un-clutch their enormous, chunky douchebro crucifixes; the Jackass star/skateboarder/nightmare of a son was located last night and has been safely taken back to rehab.
You think YOU’RE special when your dog greets you at the door with a few licks and a dribble of excitable pee after you’ve come home from doing god knows what all night? You are nothing compared to NASA astronaut Christina Koch. Not only has the woman been in outer space, but she was up there for a record-setting 328 days! And when Christina came home, her little brown dog, a good girl named LBD (which stands for Little Brown Dog––I can’t) not only remembered her, but proceeded to coat her in a tidal wave of slobber.
Open Post: Hosted By A Woman Who Photoshopped Herself Into A Picture With Michael B. Jordan And Ended Up With The Real Thing
Most of us hos are too lazy to do anything about our celebrity crushes other than to lazily consider masturbating while idly thinking about sweater daddy Tom Hardy in Lawless, only to get distracted and wind up worrying that your oncoming headache is definitely a brain tumor. Not so for Bolu Babalola. Bolu put her rich fantasy life to good use and Photoshopped a picture of herself standing next to Michael B Jordan and posted it on Twitter asking people to help her reunite with her summer fling. It was a joke, of course, a play on the “please help me find… Twitter do your thing” posts that been going around of late. But to her surprise, the post went viral and faster than you can say “Wakanda Forever”, she found herself standing next to Michael in the flesh. Whores, it’s time to step up our games.