Shannon Price Is The New Joe Jackson

It looks like Joe Jackson has got himself a new protegee, because Radar is saying that Gary Coleman’s wife Shannon Price is already trying to make a quick dollar over her ex-husband’s death. Some hos mourn by bawling into their pillow in a darkened room for 4 days straight, and some mourn by shaking their ass on the ho stroll and licking their lips at any john who drives by. Shannon’s wrong ass falls in the latter category.

A source tells Radar that Shannon already stuffed a few bills into her feeding sack for the interview she gave the day after Gary died. But Shannon isn’t stopping there and she’s currently shopping around a second interview for $50,000. And the source says that for the right price Shannon is willing to give a video tour of the place where she busted Gary’s head. I mean, where Gary accidentally busted his head.

With everybody throwing Shannon “Bitch You Didn’t? Did You?” eyes, she should be laying low in her stable. That bitch should not be tap dancing on Gary’s memory with a Styrofoam change cup in her hand.

And if you thought Shannon being thisclose to selling Gary’s used chonies on the side of the road was bad, TMZ is saying that someone is trying to sell pictures of Arnold Drummond after he was taken off of life support. TMZ claims to have seen some of the pictures, which show Gary with his eyes closed and hooked up to a ventilation machine. The minion of Satan selling the pics wants low five figures. Even TMZ passed on buying the pictures, so you know that shit is serious.

Now, I’m not saying that Shannon has anything to do with this (yes, I am), but let’s just say that I wouldn’t be surprised if the pictures were covered with bits of sugar cubes and carrots. And now that I think about it, even Joe Jackson probably thinks this crazy bitch is too much.

LEAVE GARY COLEMAN ALONE!!!

Gary Coleman was supposed to be tucked into his coffin and gently laid to rest this weekend, so that he could finally get some peace without annoying bitches always tugging at his collar. But that is not going to happen. Gary’s funeral in Utah has been canceled, because his estranged parents and his ex-wife Shannon Price are fighting over the custody of his body. Where is Mr. Drummond when you need him?

Gary’s parents, Sue and William Coleman, are planning to file some kind of motion in court asking the powers that be to grant them their son’s remains so that they can bury him in Zion, Ill, the city they live in. Their lawyer says that since Gary was divorced from Gummy McTeefs at the time of his death, they are the ones who should make the decisions regarding his final resting place. Their lawyer issued this statement:

“The Colemans don’t want to fight with anyone. They just want to bring their son home. Mr. and Mrs. Coleman are Gary Coleman’s surviving family. They’re hoping that by applying for Formal Probate, they can get through this process the right way. The status of the divorce, whether or not anyone has a will, these are all issues that should be brought to the family’s attention immediately. Formal Probate is the way we make sure it all gets handled properly.”

But Shannon Price refuses to hand him over. Gary’s agent said, “It’s clear that Shannon is the one that Gary wants to represent him, as she did in the hospital. He didn’t mention, at any time, his parents.”

Before his death, Gary’s parents didn’t talk to his ass for years. And Shannon seems like she could give a dick. But suddenly, they are now fighting over him? Fuckery. If Gary was here, he’d throw an early model printer at a bitch or bite them in the knees.

Something In The Milk Ain’t Clean: The Shannon Price Edition

A day after Gary Coleman’s death, his ex-wife Shannon Price gave an interview to clear her name, but she ended up dirtying up the milk even more. Shannon needed to slap herself in the face a few times and dunk her head in a bowl of ice water, because bitch wasn’t making any sense.

One minute she says that she made the decision to pull the plug because the doctors told her Gary would’ve bled to death during surgery. Two beats later, Shannon said that Gary would’ve ended up like Muhammad Ali. And then she says he would’ve been like Terry Shiavo. There is a big difference between the three and Shannon doesn’t seem to know this.

Shannon is also hurt that people are saying she caused his brain to hemorrhage by pushing him. TMZ points out that nobody ever publicly accused Shannon of pushing Gary. This is like if the cop asked you what happened here and you shouted all defensively, “I didn’t push him! I didn’t hit him with the frying pan! I didn’t slap him with my teefs! I didn’t do any of that!”

Anyways, here’s a few quotes from Shannon’s interview. You can watch it here.

Shannon on the accusations that she had something to do with Gary’s death: “I’ve had a lot of people saying, ‘Yeah, she pushed him.’ This and that. People are so cruel they don’t even know. I was upstairs. He was downstairs. How am I going to push him? That affected me more than anything. The scrutiny that people come up with. Why would I want to hurt my husband? Are you kidding?”

Shannon on her decision to take Gary off life support: “You know, the doctors told us that even if they would’ve done surgery on him he would’ve died. He would’ve bled to death during the surgery. And they said that even if they did take a chunk out of his brain he would not be the same. He would be basically like Muhammad Ali. He wouldn’t be, you know, and I mean he would’ve died sooner or later anyway from that. Because the brain, you know, it’s so traumatic. I don’t want people to be so hard on me thinking that I had to pull the plug too early. He wouldn’t have made it anyway. His heart would’ve just given out. And I don’t want people to sit there and think that I’m a bitch and that I didn’t care about him. But you know, be in my situation. I mean, look at what happened with Terry Schiavo. I always think of her case. Always when it comes to this. Gary was gone. His eyes were dilated, he was just gone.”

Shannon on Gary buying her a wagon to pull around the farm: “And you know, he’s done a lot for me. He bought me a car which he chose to do which I never asked him for. I thought that was very sweet of him to do that.”

Shannon seems more interested in defending herself than mourning her ex-husband. Bitch acts like she doesn’t give a fuck. I don’t know if she’s hiding something or if the crazies have taken over her common sense. All I know is that Detective La Toya is outside of her house disguised as a potted plant. If there’s something to get, Det. LT will get it!

Shannon Price Had The Right

Monocles down! Yesterday, it was reported that Gary Coleman and Shannon Price were not married at the time of his death. They divorced a couple of years ago. This bit of news made everybody raise a Spock brow while holding a black kitten, because the question came up if Shannon was authorized to make the decision to take Gary off life support since she wasn’t his wife at the time. The answer is: she was.

Apparently, Shannon did lie to the hospital when she told them he was his wife, but she did have the legal right to make medical decisions for Gary. The hospital had this to say: “Mr. Coleman had completed an Advanced Health Care Directive that granted Shannon Price permission to make medical decisions on his behalf if he was unable to do so. An Advanced Health Care Directive remains in effect regardless of a patient’s marital status, unless modified by the patient. It is a private medical document which the hospital does not have permission to release. However, we received permission to confirm that the document was in effect at the time of Mr. Coleman’s death.”

So Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay don’t need to knock on Shannon Price’s door just yet (but they should wait in the car until further notice).

Gary Coleman Was Divorced At The Time Of His Death

Entertainment Tonight claims they have in their paws the official court documents (it has the word “official” in it so it has to be “official“) stating that Gary Coleman legally divorced his wife Shannon Price on August 12, 2008. Shannon wasn’t granted alimony, and Gary got to keep some property. The divorce documents were sealed shut and Gary and Shannon were referred to as “John and Jane Doe.”

ET rang up the hospital where Gary passed away and asked them if they knew Shannon wasn’t his wife at the time of his death. Shannon made the decision to take Gary off of life support. A hospital rep said, “We had no indication that the information Shannon gave us was false. She portrayed herself as his wife.”

TMZ posted the 911 call from Shannon and she tells the operator that Gary fell down while making her something to eat downstairs. At first, Shannon refused to go downstairs to check because she says she has a fever and might faint the fuck out. When the operator asks her to go downstairs to see if he’s okay, Shannon says that she’ll try but she doesn’t want to be traumatized. At this point in the recorded call, I’m screaming at my speakers, “BITCH, buck up your gums (I don’t know what that means either) and do this! DAMN!”

Eventually, Shannon goes downstairs and finds Gary bleeding from the head. The operator asks her to apply pressure, but she can’t. She tells the operator, “I’m gagging, I got blood on myself, I can’t deal.” And then help arrived for Gary.

You know, somebody needs to wake up Detective La Toya and hand her a cup of instant coffee along with Gary Coleman’s file. And Det. LT thought it was going to be a quiet summer….

Gary Coleman Is On Life Support

Gary Coleman was hospitalized on Wednesday afternoon in Utah after he fell and fucked up his head. Since Gary seems to always bounce back quickly, I figured it was only a matter of time before he was throwing printers at his wife and kicking nosy fans in the ankles. But unfortunately, shit has gone from serious to serious serious. Gary’s manager tells E! News that he is currently in a coma and on life support. This just makes me want to scream for MRS. GARRETT!!!

Gary’s manager gave the bad news in a statement released this morning: “As of mid-morning on May 27, Mr. Coleman was conscious and lucid. By early afternoon, Mr. Coleman was slipping in and out of consciousness and his condition worsened. We are saddened to announce that since mid-afternoon, Mountain Time, on May 27, 2010, Mr. Coleman has been unconscious and on life support. At this critical moment, we can only ask for your thoughts and prayers for Gary to make a speedy and full recovery.”

I blame the child toucher from Diff’rent Strokes. And I also blame the audience who laughed at the child toucher’s jokes.