Velvet-voiced actress, ageless Broadway star, cancer survivor, and my #1 style icon in the mid-90s (but then again, who’s wasn’t she? FRAN FINE WAS PERFECTION) Fran Drescher announce on Twitter yesterday (via People) that she went and got surprised hitched this weekend to her piece of just over a year, Dr. Shiva Ayyadurai. Franny married Dr. Shiva (I can just picture Val Toriello squealing “He’s a doctah honey – A DOCTAH!“) at their home on the beach in front of a small group of family and friends and I hope she wore that exquisitely beaded-to-hell-and-back gold ball gown from The Beautician and the Beast, but she probably went with something a little more understated and tasteful (I mean, when you’re already the most glamorous person in the room, why rub it in?)
Fran was married for almost 20 years before to her current producing partner, The Nanny creator Peter Marc Jacobson, but they split up in 1999 when Peter came out. 15 years later, Fran met Dr. Shiva at a Deepak Chopra event. Oh, but he’s not just a doctor – Dr. Shiva owns the patent for creating email. Fran married the Steve Jobs of internet correspondence! And now you know the name of the person you can curse out the next time you receive an email with the subject line “Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: the truth about obama PLEASE READ!!!”
Dr. Shiva says that during his talk at the Deepak Chopra event, Fran “heard my talk and we fell in love, and we’ve been together since that talk.” Imagine if it was the other way around? Fran steps up to the podium, taps on the mic, clears her throat, and says: “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii everyyyyybawwwwwdyyyyy!“. It wouldn’t just be Dr. Shiva with hearts in his eyes; every man, woman, dog (the only creatures who can truly appreciate every note in her register), and Deepak Chopra himself would drop to their knees and propose. How could you not?? She has the voice of a goddamn angel!
If you have to suffer through the nastiest and grossest day of the week MONDAY, you might as well do it while staring pictures of the come-to-life Superman action figure Matt Bomer making b-holes howl and pussies slobber while working a tux at the Tonys last night. The real-life Steven Wakefield graduated from Carnegie Mellon and he was at the Tonys to present Carnegie Mellon with something and I didn’t really pay attention, because I was too busy asking myself, “For why is Matt Boner wearing so many clothes? Couldn’t he have paid tribute to Hair instead?!”
Either Matt Boner’s makeup artist forgot to powder his beauty or in NYC it’s more humid than Tyler Perry’s bussy when he flips through the Spirit of Black Men calendar on his office wall. Because Matt Boner is looked lubed-up in the face. I bet the most overheard line at the Tonys last night was, “Matt, you’re looking a little greasy, do you want me to lick that up for you?”
Here’s more of Matt Boner in a tux and pictures of other hos at the Tonys including Fran Drescher giving you Peaches ‘N Cream Barbie’s mom, Maggie Gyllenhaal looking like a disemboweled down comforter and Thalia wearing a shitting prom dress from the late 80s.