Category: Disneyland
Disney Cuts 28,000 Theme Park Jobs Because Of Coronavirus
Last week chairman of Disney Parks, Experiences & Products, Josh D’Amaro, demanded that Disneyland be allowed to reopen amid all the coronavirus shutdowns. I mean, if the TikTok mansions can light each other up, why can’t Disney fans?! Governor Gavin Newsom did not give a shit about all that noise and it did not reopen (but Disney World in Florida is open for business). So Disney claims they have paid the price. No, they aren’t cutting into their massive profits which keep their stream of Marvel actors paid multi-millions per picture, but they laid off 28,000 theme park employees.
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Disney World Has Reopened Amid Record-Breaking Coronavirus Cases In Florida
After semi-shutting down due to the coronavirus pandemic, many states in the U.S. have been opening up again. The problem is that coronavirus numbers in the U.S. are the highest in the world and growing. So, of course, this is a great time for Disney World to reopen because Mickey Mouse is a greedy bitch and knows that cartoon mice can’t get coronavirus, I think.
Disney Is “Reimagining” Splash Mountain And Disneyland Delays Its Reopening
Pour one out for the Adult Disney in your life, they are going through it today. Well, certain AD types are, the better ones are probably appropriately relieved. According to CNN, Disneyland was set to reopen on July 17th but were forced to delay due to the recent spike in coronavirus cases across the state of California. Additionally, Disney Parks announced today that they will be stepping over Aunt Jemima’s vanquished corpse and “reimagining” the Splash Mountain attraction which is based on the 2 hot 4 Disney+ title Song of The South. They will be changing the ride’s theme to The Princess and the Frog, which features Disney’s first ever amphibian princess. Also the first Black one. This news was met with an angry chorus of Zip-a-Dee-Doo-DON’T YOU DARE.
Disneyland Raised Their Ticket Prices
Uh oh! Today’s the day to be extra nice to people with kids, and those childless Disney-obsessed millennial sluts! Because Disneyland is raising its prices by a whopping 3.4%. A one peak-day ticket is now $154, which is five bucks more than before. Annual passes (for Disney obsessives) have also increased 13% since last year. Now they’re up to $2,199 a year.
Disneyland Really Was The Happiest Place On Earth For A Super High Andrew Garfield And Emma Stone
Since weed has a tendency to make annoying things more tolerable and tolerable things wonderful, some people get high before they go to Disneyland. It’s really the perfect place for it: bright colors, tons of candy and people wearing oversized foam costumes. It’s like a wholesome rave! Andrew Garfield did this once, and he recently talked about getting Disneylit to W magazine.
Presenting Your ‘Awww’ Of The Day: Grumpy Cat At Disneyland
They let a woman bring a live cat into Disneyland, but when I try to get in with a 2L bottle of Dr. Pepper and red wine, I’m turned away. SMDH.
Time says that Grumpy Cat (aka Tardar Sauce), along with nearly two dozen other internet stars, were invited to Disneyland as a part of a digital media marketing campaign called #DisneySide, which was designed to promote Disney theme parks by driving traffic to YouTube, Vine shorts, and more. But enough boring Don Draper advertising talk, let’s bring on Grumpy Cat doing cute shit!!
Grumpy Cat and Grumpy Cat’s owner, Tabatha Bundesen, fulfilled their contractual obligation with a boring live appearance for #DisneySide (seriously, the cat can’t talk; stop asking it questions) then promptly moved on to letting Grumpy Cat do what she does best: struggling to walk and staring blankly at things. I this off-brand instant coffee is starting to decompose my brain, because a video of a dead-eyed cat riding various old-timey Disneyland vehicles wouldn’t normally delight me as much as it did.
Later, in a move even your lame Aunt Janet would roll her eyes at the predictability of, Grumpy Cat met with Grumpy the Dwarf to stare blankly into a wishing well. Afterwards, Grumpy took the monorail to Toon Town, where she struggled to walk into Pluto’s house. My favourite part was when Pluto pantomimed astonished surprise and Grumpy Cat sat there waiting to be removed from such nonesense.
Grumpy Cat finished the day by meeting with another internet meme, Ridiculously Photogenic Guy, and broke the internet by taking a really cute picture together.
I strongly advise all women not to look directly into Ridiculously Photogenic Guy’s eyes, unless you want your ovaries to melt like a Nazi’s face after looking at the Arc of the Covenant. For real though, where’s Ridiculously Photogenic Guy’s video diary of his trip around Disneyland? Can I volunteer for that job? I come with an iPhone 4 and the promise not to get too weird.