Ciara and her new husband Russell Wilson got married last week, something we know because they wasted no time after the ceremony grabbing their phones and Instagramming a picture from their wedding with a quote about being “The Wilsons.” But it was sort of a waste of time, because when you’re a famous person, the only thing that matters is the first time you stroll down a red carpet at a fancy event wearing your rings. I’m sure at the end of a celebrity wedding, the officiant says: “I now pronounce you…eligible for lots of attention. You may now make your red carpet debut at the awards show of your choice. But do it soon before people lose interest.”
So it was really great timing for Ciara and Russell Wilson that the ESPYS were held only a week after their wedding. Not only did they get to walk the red carpet, they also presented awards as well. I am surprised they managed to make it at all, what with all the constant sex they’re having. Actually, that might explain those tired eyes. Russell usually has a permanent case of sleepy eyes (he literally always looks like you woke him up from a couch nap), but so does Ciara. Those tired eyes they brought to the ESPYS red carpet last night are definitely the result of banging for 168 hours straight. They probably only had enough energy to put on their fancy red carpet clothes and move from the limo to the carpet. I hope they had an EMT waiting close by in case one of them passed out from sex-induced exhaustion.
Here’s more of The Wilsons (a name I still can’t type without hearing it screamed by Dennis the Menace in my head). Russell wore a tux, Ciara wore a snazzy HSN scarf attached to a pink skirt. She also managed to get in some “Look at my giant-ass ring” poses. Good for you, Ciara!