It’s time to toss a giant handful of penis-shaped confetti and pop that bottle of celebratory lube you were saving, because the day Ciara’s very patient pussy has been waiting for has finally arrived! Less than four months after they got engaged by the light of a professional photographer’s camera kit, E! News has confirmed that Ciara and Russell Wilson got married this afternoon at a fancy-ass castle in Cheshire, England. This is Ciara’s first marriage and Russell Wilson’s second.
Not much is known about Ciara and Russell’s pre-fucking ceremony. TMZ says wedding guests arrived at one location and were taken to a second secret location (probably that castle). They also had to hand over their cellphones when they arrived, most likely because they didn’t want anyone leaking pics on Instagram and ruining their chances of selling their ~exclusive~ wedding photos to the highest bidder. There are some photos floating around the internet. But they’re from yesterday, which means they’re probably from a rehearsal dinner or something.
But here’s what they do know: there were about 100 guests, which included Kelly Rowland and Jennifer Hudson (who wore your aunt’s favorite cantaloupe-colored formal shoulder cape from the 70s), and that Ciara wore a custom-made Roberto Cavalli dress. The Daily Mail has a few pictures of the castle they were married in, which looks kind of like Hogwarts inside. Then again, that’s not saying much, since I’m pretty sure most fancy English castles looks like Hogwarts.
Back to the most important part of this story. No, not the fact that Russell’s soon-to-be sexually active penis is probably sweating 18L of pure pussy anticipation into his tuxedo pants. Ciara’s dress, of course! All that we know is that it came from Roberto Cavalli. What I really want to know is if the House of Cavalli was able to make Ciara a dress that truly embraced her essence. And by “essence“, I of course mean her goodies. Until I see a picture proving otherwise, I want to believe Ciara 1-2 stepped down the aisle in a slinky see-through white mesh gown with three fabric roses strategically covering her bridal bits.
UPDATE: Well, we now know what her wedding dress looked like. Both Ciara and Russell threw up the same picture from their wedding to Instagram with the caption “We are the Wilsons!”
That dress is not nearly as shamelessly trampy as I was hoping for. With that being said, I do have to give her a slow clap for choosing a dress with a laced-up titty area, because that’s always a stunning bridal choice.
Pics: Splash, Instagram