Category: Chad Johnson
An Unholy Fame Whore Union: Kendra Wilkinson Went On A Date With Chad Johnson From “The Bachelorette”
Looks like Hugh Hefner‘s (RIP Hugh!) one time girlfriend (or at least one third of them) Kendra Wilkinson has found herself a new pap stroll partner after filing for divorce from Hank Baskett. Kendra was spotted out and about holding hands with famous douche Chad Johnson. You know what that means: nothing overly important!
Michelle Williams And Her Fiancé Have Called It Quits
After nearly a nine-month sexless engagement and a reality TV series about said engagement, Michelle Williams has revealed that she and her fiancé Chad Johnson aren’t getting married after all.
Ochocinco Makes Another Smart Life Decision
Because Chad Johnson doesn’t want a day to go by without someone writing the words “Ochocinco is a dumb bitch” on the Internet, the mound of dried shit dingles in his head decided it would be a good idea for him try to win his wife of twenty minutes back by getting her face tattooed on his leg.
Evelyn Lozado filed to legally quit Ochocinco after he punched her in the head with his head. Yeah, so nothing says “I’m sorry for head-butting you” like getting their faced inked into your leg. TMZ says that Ochocinco got the tattoo, which could be fake, sometime this past weekend and it’s his way of professing his love to Evelyn in an effort to get her back. The only thing this is going to get him is a whole lot of shaking heads, because that tattoo is a mess. They made Evelyn look like a True Blood wolf.
Evelyn not only has the imprint of Ochocinco’s forehead on her face, but now she knows her face is imprinted next to his terrifying calf muscle. If that isn’t pure hate, I don’t know what is. With all that being said, the tattoo does sort of represent their relationship: horrifying, fame whorey and completely gross.
via @ochocinco
Bitch Got Fired On HBO: The Ochocinco Edition
One day after Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson allegedly joined the Chris Brown Fight Club by headbutting his soon-to-be-ex-wife Evelyn Lozado, he got a BYE BITCH slip from the Miami Dolphins and the awkward moment was captured by HBO’s cameras and now he can relive it for years and years to come!
Each season, HBO’s Hard Knocks follows an NFL team, and thanks to Ochocinco’s luck, this season they’re following the Miami Dolphins, so they were there when Coach Joe Philbin spat out some HR department shit by saying that it’s just not a fit anymore. (Translation: “We’ve hated your ass for a while and now we’ve got our excuse to dump your ass. Bye bye.“) Ochocinco sat there and tried to save his job by saying that he’s never been in trouble before. TMZ notes that Ochocinco was convicted of domestic violence 12 years ago. So I guess that little fact slipped off of his mind when he headbutted Evelyn. But DAMN! Watching a trick, even a twat bag trick like Ochocinco, get fired is almost as painful as getting fired.
And I’m actually surprised that Coach Philbin didn’t wear a helmet just in case Ochocinco decided to give him a goodbye headbutt.
The General Mills Lawn Protester Has Died
The 65-year-old father of four who entertained millions by flaming out on the front lawn of the General Mills headquarters during an anti-gay protest died in his car this past weekend. Michael L. Leisner of Andover, Minnesota became an overnight breakout star on the anti-gay protester circuit when his son uploaded a video of him almost leaving the lawn of the GM headquarters in flames after burning a box of Honey Nut Cheerios to protest the company’s support of same-sex marriage. The video went viral and ended up everywhere from The Daily Show to Chelsea Lately.
The Star Tribune says that Michael Leisner drove his sons to tennis practice on Saturday afternoon and while waiting in the car for them, he suddenly died. The senior pastor of the Christian Center Michael was a member of didn’t give a cause of death and he didn’t say if his last words were, “Damn you, Count Chocula.” The pastor said that he just died in his car. The pastor also said that Michael was a loving husband and father who just so happened to hate gays and the Honey Nut Bee:
“[The video] doesn’t accurately reflect who he was as an individual. He was a very loving and caring father of his four children, a loving husband and he seemed to get along with other people.”
(Thanks, Brad)
Evelyn Lozado & Ochocinco Just Beat Kim Kardashian’s Record
No pun intended in that headline, I swear.
Over the weekend, J. Harvey wrote about how Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson of the Miami Dolphins pulled a first-degree Chris Brown on his wife Evelyn Lozado of Basketball Wives by allegedly punching her in the head with his cranium after she found a receipt for condoms in his Maserati. That messy incident cost his dumb stupid ass his job with the Dolphins and now it cost him a wife. Because after only six weeks of marriage, Evelyn is legally headbutting Ochocinco out of her life by filing for divorce.
TMZ somehow, magically learned (see: Evelyn live-texting them a play by play of her filing the papers) that Evelyn filed divorce papers in Florida this afternoon. Evelyn and Ochocinco barely joined fame whore forces by getting married on July 4th in St. Martin and their wedding was taped for a Vh1 reality show that never was. Evelyn’s marriage lasted about as long it took her to take off her earrings before flying across the table to toot Kenya in the dome. Evelyn should’ve filed divorce on their 85th day of marriage to really make it burn.
And somewhere, Jen is sitting back and adjusting the discount blue contacts she brought from the swap meet while saying to the air, “I guess this is the life I ain’t about.“
