Category: Brooke Mueller
Charlie Sheen’s Child Support Woes Are Over (For Now)
Back in March, Charlie Sheen went to a judge and said that those Two and a Half Men residual checks ain’t what they used to be and asked that his monthly child support payments to Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller be decreased. Charlie claimed he couldn’t afford those giant child support checks for his four kids, because his million-dollar days were behind him. He said that he’s only making a little over $87, 000 a month now. That’s still a lot of money, but it doesn’t take a Suze Orman to see that that’s no where near enough to cover the two $55,000 checks he wrote to Denise and Brooke each month.
Denise and Brooke could have fought Charlie for the money, but instead they decided to play nice and give him a child support break. Just call them Charlie’s Financial Angels.
Charlie Sheen Wants To Pay Less Child Support
If it’s not one thing, it’s another when it comes to Charlie Sheen. The spinner on his giant chore wheel of a life has landed on “Baby Mama Drama”. People got their hands on some court documents that Charlie filed in which he’s requested that his child support payments to ex-wife Brooke Mueller for their 6-year-old twin boys be lowered.
While he was on Two and a Half Men – a show I have never seen because, despite what the amount of alcohol I ingest would suggest, I value my brain and health – he was making more money than any other ho on the TV stroll. At the time he was making roughly $613,000 per month and that heavily played into factoring how much he pays Brooke and his other ex, Denise Richards (star of the greatest reality show ever, Denise Richards Colon It’s Complicated!), which is $55,ooo a month each. He’s in the middle of a messy money situation with Denise too. It’s also been reported that he sold his rights to Two and a Half Turds for $26,750,000. While he isn’t crying ‘poor’, he is saying that his income has drastically changed and as such the payments he makes should reflect that. Charlie is saying that currently he makes around $87,384 per month.
Charlie Sheen Says He’s Paid Millions In Blackmail Money To Keep His HIV Status Quiet And He’s Done With The Shakedowns
As anyone who hasn’t just come out of a long coma knows (Tip: If you’ve just come out of a long coma, do NOT watch the Jem movie or you’ll weep for humanity and want to go back into that coma.), Charlie Sheen is HIV-positive and in an interview with Matt Lauer on Today this morning, he said that he’s paid more than $10 million in STFU money to tricks who threatened to expose his status to the media. Well, grifting types are going to have to find another reason to blackmail Charlie Sheen for quick cash, because the world knows he’s HIV-positive now and the shaking of his checking account has come to an end.
Brooke Mueller’s Assistant Says That Brooke Forced Him To Be A Drug Mule And Watch While She Had Sex
According to court documents obtained by Radar, Brooke Mueller (aka the craziest of Charlie’s Angels) is being sued by her former assistant, Lior Masaphor, who worked for Brooke from 2012 to 2013. Even though Brooke looks like a blissed-out namaste hippie stoner type, Lior says she’s actually a drug-snorting slave driver. Lior claims that he worked over 130-hours a week and was forced to “engage in repetitive illegal and unsavory actions at the specific instance and request of Brooke Mueller.” Such illegal and unsavory (“unsavory” – how very Dowager Countess of you, Lior) acts included being Brooke’s drug mule, transporting drugs, fetching drugs, babysitting her kids while she got high on drugs and/or babysitting her kids while she got high on drugs and fucked a pile of people, and watching her drugs while she fucked a pile of people.
Lior also says he wasn’t exactly compensated for his drug-running and child-watching; he was paid $2400 a month, which works out to about $4.47/hour when you’re working 130-hours a week. You’d think that getting paid Tooth Fairy money to watch Brooke Mueller snort crystal meth and tame a bunch of random strange in the middle of the living room while her two kids watch Go Diego Go in the den would be enough for Lior to quit that bitch effective immediately, but he didn’t, because apparently he’s dumber than Brooke Mueller. Eventually he started complaining too much about having to do illegal shit and not-right shit, so she fired his ass. Now he’s suing her for unspecified damages, attorney’s fees, and a court trial.
You don’t have to be Lionel Hutz to know that Lior doesn’t have a leg to stand on here. Yes, Brooke made him do illegal things like making him shove tied-off condoms filled with crack up his ass at the airport and paying him less than he’d make if he worked at Taco Bell, but Lior agreed to be Brooke’s assistant in 2012; that was prime crazy meth-gobbling Brooke Mueller time! Back in 2012, if someone told me that Brooke Mueller was hiring, I would just assume that “drug mule” was in the job description. It was probably right the title of the Craigslist ad! “Very important googly-eyed star-fucker seeks full-time drug mule. I can pay you in Two and A Half Men DVDs.”
Brooke Mueller Got Custody Of Her Twin Boys Back
I know, for a quick second, my eyes thought that was an old picture of Sam Kinison too.
Well, I guess it’s Twins Who Are Totally Screwed In Life week. First, we find out that oozing douche sore Joe Francis is going to be a father to twin daughters and now Radar is saying that Brooke Mueller’s got custody of her twin boys again. What next set of twins is going to be hit with tragedy? Somewhere in France, the chosen ones, Vivienne and Knox Jolie-Pitt, showed up to a toy store with their nannies to buy more toys since they obviously don’t have enough and it was closed. They wouldn’t even open up for them. It truly is the worst week for twins!
Last year, while Brooke Mueller was drying out in rehab for the 20th time, Denise Richards took care of her and Charlie Sheen’s twin boys, Max and Bob, since Charlie can’t even be trusted to take care of a broken crack pipe. After having the boys for a while, Denise wrote a letter to the Department of Children and Family Services telling them that Bob and Max have beat her girls, hit a teacher and were close to murdering her dogs. Denise also said that after visiting with Brooke one weekend, one of the boys came back with a bruise on his face. Brooke also wouldn’t let Denise take the boys to a shrink. It was a total mess. It got messier when the boys were placed with Brooke’s brother and they all moved into her house with her. Well, Brooke’s brother can move out now, because she’s got custody of the boys and is getting that Charlie Sheen money again. As the crack dealers sing “Happy Days Are Here Again,” some source dribbled out this drop of doom to Radar:
“Brooke was recently granted full custody of Bob and Max by a child dependency judge after it was deemed that she had complied with all of the terms set forth by the Los Angeles County Department of Children & Family Services. Moving forward, Brooke won’t have to undergo random drug tests. DCFS will keep in contact with Brooke and check up on the boys, but there will be no unannounced visits. As far as Child Protective Services is concerned, Brooke has made a successful recovery, and is now ready to be the legal custodial parent for the boys. Family reunification is always the goal in these types of cases. Splitting up a family, take children away from either the mother or father, only happens in extreme cases of neglect and abuse.”
No drug testing and a monthly check from Charlie Sheen…. I know some of you are thinking that this is going to end about as well as having bareback butt sex right after eating Korean BBQ. But who knows? Maybe 20th time’s a charm and Brooke will become a devoted mother who will rub her son’s tummies when their sick and bake cookies for PTA meetings. Or she’ll take that Charlie Sheen money and shack up with her crack dealer in a room at a Super 8 in Van Nuys while her boys are left at home by themselves to be raised by the backyard possums. That wouldn’t be the worst thing, actually. I mean, possums are totally good moms.
Brooke Mueller Called The Cops On Denise Richards. Happy Thanksgiving! (UPDATE)
A couple of weeks ago, Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller’s twin boys, Bob and Max, were taken out of Denise Richards’ house and placed with Brooke’s brother Scott. Scott lives far away and Brooke didn’t want to pull the twins out of their school, so he moved into her house with the boys. Denise probably let out an exhale of relief, because she was done with Brooke’s crazy, cracked-out ass and the twins were no longer around to slowly murder her animals and daughters. But just when Denise was starting to think it was going to be a quiet Thanksgiving, the cops knocked on her door and told her that Brooke accused her of abusing the twins and her own daughters. What a wonderful Thanksgiving gift!
TMZ says that last night, cops showed up to Denise’s house and told her they needed to question her about abuse claims made against her. Denise told the cops that Brooke is being “vindictive” and the claims are “ridiculous.” Denise also told the cops that she hasn’t seen the boys in 2 weeks, so it’s funny that Brooke is screaming “ABUSE!” now. Brooke also hasn’t had any contact with Denise’s daughters. If anything comes from Brooke’s accusation, Denise’s daughters will have to be interviewed.
The Department of Children and Family Services is already handling an abuse claim between Brooke and Denise. When Denise still had temporary custody of the twins, she noticed a welt on one of the boys’ faces when he came back from spending the weekend with Brooke. Brooke apparently told CPS that she thinks he got the welt while he was at Denise’s house.
So I guess this means that Brooke and the crack pipe are one again? Denise Richards abusing kids? Ridiculous. Pepaw Irv would never let her get away with that. Wait, unless Denise Richards committed one of the most horrific forms of abuse by making her children and the twins watch her performance as Dr. Christmas Jones in The World is Not Enough. If that’s the abuse Brooke is talking about, then throw that child-abusing Denise in the clink!
UPDATE: E! says that Brooke’s boys told her that Denise Richards didn’t hit their asses, someone “associated” with Denise did. That person allegedly hit the twins on the head and back. The person also hit Denise’s girls, allegedly. Please don’t let it be Pepaw Irv, please don’t let it be Pepaw Irv.