Joe Francis Is Going To Be A Father To Twin Girls

April 10, 2014 / Posted by:

And leave it to Litibu the sea lion to make a “Nope, get me the fuck offa this planet” face, so you don’t have to.

While supervising their hos on the ho stroll, Joe Francis and Pimp Mama Kris probably find a little time to talk about the pimp life and share pimp tips with one another, so I’m sure she told him that what he really needs to do is grow his only little stable of moneymakers. Joe took her advice and now a pair of fetuses gone wild are growing in his girlfriend’s womb. The douche creature that mutated out of an Ed Hardy t-shirt after Terry Richardson dropped his load on it tells UsWeekly that there’s an IVF doctor out there who must really hate babies, because they implanted fertilized eggs into his girlfriend’s body. Abbey Wilson says they went with IVF, because they want “healthy” girls and mostly because her ovary eggs kept spitting out every Joe Francis jizz fish that tried to get in.

“We both wanted girls and we wanted them to be healthy and free of genetic diseases so we chose to do IVF. I have always heard women say you just know when you are pregnant and I totally understand that now. Your body, smell, sensitivity and cravings all change and mine did from day one. I found out shortly after a blood test confirmed the results and called Joe immediately, we were both screaming and so loud with excitement from each end of the phone!”

What Abbey Wilson really wanted is to give birth to two bags of concrete who will cement her place in gold digger history and set her up for the rest of her life. Joe Francis also spit up a verbal cum ball of hilariousness that is Katherine Heigl levels of delusion.

“We chose to have girls. I believe people will finally understand my love, respect and admiration for women. I love girls.”

So when Joe Francis bashed a woman’s head into the floor¬†and punched Jayde Nicole in the face, he was just showing them how much he loved, respected and admired them? “Makes sense,” said Chris Brown somewhere. I don’t even know how you can “choose” the sex of your babies. I’m taking that to mean that if Abbey was knocked up with boys, that punchable skid mark would’ve made her get an abortion and try again until girls grew in her womb. Joe Francis truly is an underappreciated admirer and champion of girls.

UPDATE: Apparently, “gender selection” is a thing that exists.

Pic: Instagram

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