Charlie Sheen Says He’s Paid Millions In Blackmail Money To Keep His HIV Status Quiet And He’s Done With The Shakedowns
As anyone who hasn’t just come out of a long coma knows (Tip: If you’ve just come out of a long coma, do NOT watch the Jem movie or you’ll weep for humanity and want to go back into that coma.), Charlie Sheen is HIV-positive and in an interview with Matt Lauer on Today this morning, he said that he’s paid more than $10 million in STFU money to tricks who threatened to expose his status to the media. Well, grifting types are going to have to find another reason to blackmail Charlie Sheen for quick cash, because the world knows he’s HIV-positive now and the shaking of his checking account has come to an end.
Charlie Sheen says he was diagnosed four years ago after he went to the doctor because he woke up with the sweats and had major headaches. Charlie thought it was a brain tumor. All together now, “It’s not a TUMAH!” He doesn’t exactly know how he got it, but says he didn’t get it from shooting up the bad shit with dirty needles. Charlie takes four antiviral pills a day and as TMZ said yesterday, the virus is currently undetectable in his bloodstream. Charlie’s doctor Dr. Robert Huizenga was also on Today and said that it’s really, really rare to pass the virus if someone uses protection and is undetectable.
Both TMZ and The National Enquirer claimed that Charlie didn’t tell many of his fuck time partners about being HIV-positive. Charlie’s pieces found out from other people and threatened to sue his ass. But Charlie said something different on Today. He claims that he told every single one of his fuck time partners about his status and he always used condoms. Charlie told Matt that he had unprotected sex with two partners, but they were told ahead of time and “were under the care” of his doctor. Charlie says the shakedowns started because he was honest and shady charlatans used his honesty to get money out of him. Charlie gave a poetic letter to Matt and the media where he spit out my new favorite go-to insult of the month: You unsavory, insipid, salt-less charlatan!
In and around this perplexing and difficult time, I dazedly chose (or hired) the companionship of unsavory and insipid types. Regardless of their salt-less reputations, I always lead with condoms and honesty when it came to my condition. Sadly, my truth soon became their treason, as a deluge of blackmail and extortion took center stage in this circus of deceit.
To date, I have paid out countless millions to these desperate charlatans.
In case you didn’t figure it out, “unsavory and insipid types” is Sheen-talk for “hookers.” I know, pot meet kettle…
During the interview, Charlie slapped at those desperate charlatans, because they don’t understand that they took money right out of the mouths of his 5 children. Before you go and say, “Err, but Charlie, what about all the hooker and bad shit money you spent,” I’m sure his money guy had that in the budget. “Extortion money from salt-less charlatan whores” wasn’t in the budget.
Matt asked Charlie if his whole tiger blood warlock meltdown was fueled by his HIV diagnosis and he swatted that away. Charlie knew about his status then, but said that his batshit meltdown was mostly fueled by ROIDS. Charlie says his party days are over and he’s done doing coke, crack and other bad shit drugs, but he’s still drinking the sweet nectar. Charlie has now devoted his life to finding a cure. Charlie says he will “deliver the cure.” This is what he wrote in his letter to the media:
In conclusion, I accept this condition not as a curse or scourge, but rather as an opportunity and a challenge. An opportunity to help others. A challenge to better myself.
Every day, of every month, of every year, countless individuals go to work, man their stations, fulfill their professional obligations with a host of disabilities. Diseases, imperfections, hurdles, detours. These maladies range from Lupus to Cancer, from paralysis to blindness, from Diabetes to Obesity. “Treated,” HIV is no different.
My partying days are behind me. My philanthropic days are ahead of me.
Meanwhile, a “source” has already said that Denise Richards and her daughters aren’t HIV-positive. And today, E! News confirmed through Brooke Mueller’s rep (yes, she has one of those) that she and her 6-year-old twin sons with Charlie are negative. But remember how Charlie says he told every single person he did sex stuff with about his HIV status? Charlie’s ex-goddess Bree Olson dropped a load of bullshit on that claim while on The Howard Stern Show this morning. Bree says she was living with and regularly boning Charlie during his warlock fuckery days and he never once told her he was HIV-positive. Charlie wanted to use lambskin condoms instead of latex and when Bree threw him a, “Bitch, I don’t know look,” he said to her, “I’m clean.” There were also times where they didn’t use rubbers at all. Bree says she’s negative, but is still mad as shit.
Charlie Sheen’s net worth was reportedly $150 million at one time, but he says his money situation isn’t that great right now. Well, if there’s more like Bree who claim that Charlie never told them, we should expect reboots and more sequels to Hot Shots!, Major League and Grizzly (I think I’m the only person alive who saw that), because he’s going to need the cash to his pay his laywers. I can already see a speeding train full of lawsuits coming toward him.