It’s Only Been A Minute And Omarosa Is Already Spilling Shit About The White House On “Celebrity Big Brother” (UPDATE)
Reality show mess turned White House mess turned reality show mess, Omarosa, is CBS’ biggest get for Celebrity Big Brother, and she’s already earning every cent of whatever they paid her ass by bringing the soap opera drama. Omarosa is delivering the tears, the doom, the drama. If only they gave Daytime Emmys for performances in live feeds.
Dick “Evel Dick” Donato, one of Big Brother’s most popular villains, won the show during its 8th season in 2007 and came back 4 years later for the 13th season. Six days into the 13th season, Evel Dick played the “I QUIT THIS BITCH” card by walking out of the house. The viewers and houseguests were told that Dick had an emergency personal issue he had to deal with. Dick never said what that personal issue was, but on tonight’s episode of Vh1’s Couples Therapy, he tells Dr. Jenn and the rest of the cast that he is HIV positive and he found out while he was in the Big Brother house.
To promote that episode, Evel Dick talked to People Magazine about the moment he found out he has HIV and why he’s going public.
Take In The Beautiful Moment When Frankie Grande Realized He Didn’t Win America’s Favorite Houseguest On Big Brother
Strangely enough, the face Frankie Grande makes when he’s hit with the ice cold fact that he’s not America’s Sweetheart looks a lot like the face Alice The Goon makes when she has an O.
Big Brother’s 16th season (Side note: I’ve watched every episode of every season and spent time watching the live feeds, which means I’ve wasted hundreds of hours listening to strangers talk about food and their bowel movements. What have you done with YOUR life?) ended last night with undercover cop Derrick winning the $500,000 over future Sean Cody star Cody and undercover genius/serial eardrum murderer Victoria (who was ROBBED). Just as I expect to end my night tonight crying into a pile of empty apple pie wrappers, I expected Derrick to win and his ass deserved it. But a beautiful, heart-warming twist happened at the end of the show when The Chenbot announced who America voted as their top 3 favorite houseguests.
Frankie Grande is a social media mogul with millions of fans and his sister Ariana Grande Latte (“Oh my GAWD, I didn’t know she was his sister. He never said so!” – everyone) is the biggest pop star in every universe, so I prepared myself for the image of him twirling like a toy poodle on meth, because I figured he’d make the top 3. Ariana tweeted about voting for him a few times. So a pleasant surprise bear hugged my soul when Julie Chen announced Donny, Zach and Nicole as the top 3. The face Frankie Grande made after finding out he wasn’t America’s favorite was priceless. It’s like in the movies when the bitchiest bitch in school loses homecoming queen.
As the dandy troll cried on the inside, Julie Chen named former HSOTD and this generation’s Forrest Gump, Donny, as America’s favorite houseguest. We truly all won and we won again when the credits rolled and the camera caught this:
Is he crying because he expected his millions of fans to welcome him back to the world by breaking down the walls of the studio to hug him? Did he make a poopy in his Little Lord Fauntleroy shorty shorts? Who knows, but I do know that picture is visual Prozac.
“‘…many lesbians choose to become lesbians later in life. Women who have been with man after man after man after man choose to become a lesbian later in life. Gay men it doesn’t work so much that way. It’s usually they’re like ‘oh okay, no I’m gay.'”
I’m not sure I buy that. “Many?” Lesbianism as a reaction to asshole men? Isn’t that kind of a burn on just being a gayelle? I know sexuality is supposed to be a spectrum but for “many” of us it’s pretty much determined from the jump. I can honestly tell you, as a gold-star gay, I would never consciously choose to button-stitch. Women are delightful creatures, and I’m a big fan of your feminine mystique (I often embody my own version) but you wouldn’t find me hanging in Tuna Town for a jillion. There would probably have to be large quantities of gold bullion and Chris Pratt (both versions – cutesy fat and jacked Marvel) up in there. Much like you wouldn’t see “many” lesbians after pole, amyriteladies? Can our lesbian commentators comment on this? He’s a dum dum, right? Honestly, it’s hard for me to take all of this seriously. It would involve looking past his “YouTube personality” hair.
Why am I stressing about what this fool says on a reality show? It’s Big Brother, not an Introduction to Human Sexuality seminar. I don’t even watch Big Brother! I just go to skeevy websites to check out pics when I hear there was a hot guy forced to wear a unitard or ass out in the shower. Julie Chen means very little to me.
You can attend Frankie Grande’s sexual science symposium yourself by watching the video below. His theory on how “many” lesbians are made starts at 3:20.
Frankie Grande, the older brother of caterwauling come-to-life Maiden Fairhair doll Ariana Grande, is currently holed up in the Big Brother house, and he recently dropped the bombshell on his fellow castmates that he has been lying about his identity and confessed that he isn’t just another fame-hungry nobody. Frankie Grande, who’s name sounds like a delicious footlong hotdog, revealed that he’s actually a super-famous Broadway/YouTube/Twitter/Vine star, but most important of all…ARIANA GRANDE’S BROTHER. According to Frankie, the real Frankie is a “social media mogul” with “1.5 million followers” (give or take a couple hundred thousand), and the brother to “mega, mega popstar” Ariana Grande. In case you’re still not getting it: Frankie Grande is a major somebody who once lived in the same womb as the Toddlers and Tiaras-looking sexy baby swap meet version of Mariah Carey. Bow down, bitches.
Obviously Frankie’s fellow Big Brother castmates have been drinking too much dirty pool water, because they didn’t seem to comprehend the level of A-list star power standing before them and responded to Frankie’s confession by letting their eyes glaze over.
Um, RUDE! That’s Ariana Grande’s brother you’re staring vacantly at! But Frankie didn’t just brag about his sister; he also admitted that being a super-famous social media celebrity is a devastating burden to carry in the house, especially around people who only have a pitiful 50,000 followers. He also confessed that he once met Justin Bieber, that he’s definitely not famous because of his famous sister – ARIANA GRANDE, and that his sister – ARIANA GRANDE – is as big as Rihanna (“Uh huh, sure“ – Rihanna).
You can choose to think it was tacky of Frankie to brag about falling out of the same vagina as “mega pop superstar” Ariana Grande, but I think it was actually very nice of him to throw her some publicity. I mean, he’s not some Z-list name-dropping nobody; he’s THE Frankie Grande! Think of how many more Sam & Cat DVDs have been sold since Frankie ever-so-casually mentioned her name on Big Brother? Think of the exposure! Unless you’re a 13-year-old girl, you probably hear the name “Ariana Grande” and immediately wonder if you can add a shot of pumpkin spice to that (“and no whip…aw fuck it, extra whip”). But now? Thanks to ultra-famous internet celebrity Frankie Grande, Ariana is destined to be a household name!
It’s a Good Friday GIFT!
In case you haven’t already printed these out and papered your bedroom ceiling with them like I’m doing, here’s Kenny Brain, former HSOTD and the bearded gay ginger model from Big Brother Canada, with his fire pubes and dick out. The pics are Grindr-style (aka headless) but the tattoos match and I want to believe that Kenny Brain’s got a dick that’ll make you call in sick to work and not care that you get fired. A dick that’ll make you hand over your debit card and password.
I am trying to ignore that crotch tattoo that looks like something you’d find on the pendant worn by a trust fund PR girl who thinks she’s spiritual and shit. And at this point you’re probably screaming at me to shut my goddamn fingers already and get to the dick, so if you’re in a place where big, beautiful dicks are frowned upon and are considered NSFW, then put this on before clicking HERE and HERE. I hope dudes flopping their soft dicks on the sink like it’s a sea cucumber becomes a new thing. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have more Kenny Brain dick pics to paste to my ceiling.
UPDATE: Thanks to everyone who told me Kenny Brain’s crotch tattoo means “big” in Chinese. No comment.