Category: Benedict Cumberbatch
Benedict Cumberbatch Thinks Martin Freeman’s Aversion To Sherlock Fandom Is “Pathetic”
There probably won’t be a season 5 of BBC’s Sherlock because Martin Freeman is a little bitch. Or, Martin doesn’t want to fuck with the show anymore because of the high expectations from rabid Sherlock fans. And you can probably add Benedict Cumberbatch to the list of people who think Martin needs a nappy change. Benedict doesn’t agree with Martin and thinks the fans are A-OK.
Open Post: Hosted By Benedict Cumberbatch Coming Out As A Teaosexual
Just like Idris Elba before him, Benedict Cumberbatch has gotten together with the fundraising site Omaze to get some money for charity. By donating money to charity, the Cumberbitches will be entered into a drawing where they could win a prize package including airfare to L.A., a fancy hotel stay, tickets to the premiere of Avengers: Infinity War and a tea date with The Alien Lizard King. B. Cums’ people better be making a mental note to cover the floor of the room of his tea date with industrial-strength plastic tarps, because I have a feeling the Cumberbitch who wins is going to squirt out an ocean of crotch curds and whey.
To promote the charity contest, B. Cums did a video where he showed us how to make a perfect cup of hot tea. Now, the way I make a perfect cup of hot tea is to put a couple of spoonfuls of Nestea iced tea powder into a mug full of water and nuke that bitch. But to B. Cums, the perfect way to make a hot cup of tea is to make the tea bag jizz out its natural flavors by talking sexy to it. Thankfully B. Cums stops himself before he pulls out his balls and teabags that teabag.
That video was a mistake, because the Cumberbitch who wins is going to expect him to get into foreplay with his cup of tea in front of her. I can already hear her say, “With one Alien Lizard King hemipenis in it,” when he asks her how she takes her tea.
Pic: YouTube
Benedict Cumberbatch Is A Serial Lecturer
A couple of years ago cumberbitches were treated to a lecture by reptilian thespian Benedict Cumberbatch about proper theater etiquette after a production of Hamlet at the Barbican Theater in London. Turns out Benny Cucumbers (that’s his mafia nickname, look it up if you don’t believe me) was making a habit out of lecturing theatergoers during that production. According to The Big Issue, Benny often took time after his performances to bring awareness to the European refugee crisis, even going as far as having the ushers pass a bucket to collect money for the cause. And he admits, sometimes he was a bit a of douche about it.
The Alien Lizard King’s Second Child Has Arrived
When Benedict Cumberbatch’s wife Sophie let the world know that a second CumberBaby was growing in her womb by showing up to the premiere of Doctor Strange looking slightly bigger in the fetus growing area, the conspiracy theorist branch of the Cumberbitches immediately congratulated the makers of foam baby bumps. Well, the conspiracy theorizing Cumberbitches are now congratulating the makers of the Tiny Tears doll, because The Daily Mail says that Sophie Cumberbatch and B. Cums’ second kid is here.
Benedict Cumberbatch And Martin Freeman Might Hate Working With Each Other
Here’s some terrible, tragic news for all the Sherlock shippers out there. Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman have appeared in four seasons and a special together as updated versions of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. There have been plans for a fifth season, although no one knows for sure if that’s going to happen. The Sun seems to think they’ve solved the mystery of the fifth season. It sounds like if it were up to Benedict and Martin, they’d throw that fifth season in a folder marked “Things I’d Rather Not Do.”
Benedict Cumberbatch Has No Interest In Joining Social Media
As of right now, the closest a Cumberbitch can come (ew, truly poor word choice) to making contact with Benedict Cumberbatch is a fan letter sent opened by his assistant containing a poem about his beautiful beady eyes written in ink mixed with their own cooch juices. If Benedict Cumberbatch has his way, it’s going to stay like that.
Benedict isn’t on Instagram and he’s not on Twitter, and he recently told People he has no plans on joining because he doesn’t want to become consumed by something so “toxic.” He wants nothing to do with that social media lifestyle. Somewhere the Kardashians just recoiled in horror at the thought.
“I can’t get involved in social media because as they know, it’d be a disaster. I can’t tweet to save my life. I’d go over my character limits and never make any sense. It would just consume me and I find that whole thing ultimately very toxic. I’d much rather spend my energy doing what brought me to their attention in the first place, which is my work.”
Benedict’s kind of right, because his social media experience would be different than most. If he joined Instagram, his eyes would be consumed with trying to delete the thousands upon thousands of comments from Cumberbitches begging him to leave his fake family for them and desperate pleas to “PLEASE FOLLOW ME BACK, DADDY SHERLOCK!!“. But he shouldn’t worry about the Twitter thing. No matter how little sense he made, his tweets wouldn’t be anywhere near as incoherent as those of the reigning celebrity 140-character queen, Demi Lovato.
Here’s Benedict and Tilda Swinton looking like an uptight principal and her easy-going vice principal while promoting Doctor Strange at Soho House in Berlin a few days ago.
Pics: Wenn.com