Benedict Cumberbatch Is A Serial Lecturer

September 25, 2017 / Posted by:

A couple of years ago cumberbitches were treated to a lecture by reptilian thespian Benedict Cumberbatch about proper theater etiquette after a production of Hamlet at the Barbican Theater in London. Turns out Benny Cucumbers (that’s his mafia nickname, look it up if you don’t believe me) was making a habit out of lecturing theatergoers during that production. According to The Big Issue, Benny often took time after his performances to bring awareness to the European refugee crisis, even going as far as having the ushers pass a bucket to collect money for the cause. And he admits, sometimes he was a bit a of douche about it.

According to TBI

“I had to do something. I was in a position where I had some kind of a platform. The naysayers said, well, that is not the kind of platform to use for that kind of statement. But I’m a human being and it was a human crisis and I got over-excited and said things in a rather grand manner some nights.

TBI adds:

One night, this included saying “fuck the politicians” to unsuspecting theatregoers, as well as his heartfelt quoting of British-Somali poet Warsan Shire’s Home: “A parent only puts their child on a boat when the sea is safer than the land”.

Slow down there, Cukes! I’m all for giving a hearty “fuck you” to politicians but you go too far reciting poetry at people after they just sat through the 3 hour Ye Olde Def Poetry Slam that is Hamlet. People’s asses and ears are hurting by then and they just want to go home to masturbate to the sneaky pics they took of you wearing tights.

He adds that he faced some political backlash at the time. Some people were asking him why he didn’t take some refugees into his home himself instead of boring everybody to tears with his post show grandstanding.

“I don’t know if it is worth bringing this up, but being conscious of the magazine I’m talking to – people were saying, ‘You’ve got a home, why don’t you house refugees?’” he says, choosing his words carefully. “And we did look into it. But we had, then, a very new baby – maybe four or five months old.

Can you imagine being a refugee fleeing the horrors of Syria one day and waking up in Benedict’s terrarium next to his newly hatched spawn the next? You’d be so confused!

Benedict says he raised a lot of money and awareness for the refugee crisis and said that he doesn’t regret a thing. So rest assured, we can all look forward to future lectures from Benedict; news that’s sure to fuel the loins of cumberbitches with professor/daddy fantasies for years to come.


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