The Alien Lizard King’s Second Child Has Arrived

March 27, 2017 / Posted by:

When Benedict Cumberbatch’s wife Sophie let the world know that a second CumberBaby was growing in her womb by showing up to the premiere of Doctor Strange looking slightly bigger in the fetus growing area, the conspiracy theorist branch of the Cumberbitches immediately congratulated the makers of foam baby bumps. Well, the conspiracy theorizing Cumberbitches are now congratulating the makers of the Tiny Tears doll, because The Daily Mail says that Sophie Cumberbatch and B. Cums’ second kid is here.

The DM’s source says that on March 3rd, the second heir to The Alien Lizard King’s throne was pulled out of Sophie’s body at the Portland Hospital in London. Sophie gave birth to another son. Their first kid Christopher “Kit” Carlton Cumberbatch (aka Triple C) will turn 2 in June. Both The DM and People say that Sophie and B. Cums have named their second kid: Hal Auden Cumberbatch. Since B. Cums is a true thespian whose amphibian heart beats something extra when he recites the word of the Bard, The DM thinks he named his newest baby in honor of Shakespeare…and Tom Hiddleston.

Hal was the nickname Henry V had before he became the hero of Agincourt. But in choosing the name, Cumberbatch could also be acknowledging his affection for fellow screen star Tom Hiddleston.

The pair starred together in 2012 in The Hollow Crown, an amalgamation of Shakespeare’s history plays in which Cumberbatch played Richard III and Hiddleston took the role of Hal.

They have been close pals ever since meeting on the set of Steven Spielberg’s film War Horse in 2010.

I’m no member of the conspiracy theorist branch of the Cumberbitches, but it’s obvious that B. Cums’ team fed that bullshit about Shakespeare to The Daily Mail to throw the people off from the truth. It’s obvious that The Alien Lizard King named his baby after 2001: A Space Odyssey, which confirms that he is an alien. It also lets us know that one day in the future, we will regularly say, “Yes me lord, HAL 9000,” because Hal Cumberbatch will become our overlord.


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