At a recent photo session for an editorial in GQ, this former major league all star and still pretty decent player replaced a golfer who has had some recent issues and could no longer make it. Yes, it is who you think it is. At the shoot, our baseball player was hitting on the model he was posing with and used the following line. “I love to drink my own cum.” Yes, he actually did say it. The makeup artist who overheard the line dropped her supplies when she heard it. Now, our baseball player has had some very famous dates in the past. He has dated this former A list tweener who now is a C list television and movie actress. He also has dated this permanent married B lister who has been around since she was pre-teen and had two very hit shows. (CDAN)

You know A-Rod does this shit. Anyway, my guess for the A-list tweener is Hilary Duff. After a two second Google search, I learned that Hilary briefly dated Barry Zito who currently plays for the Giants. Barry Zito also dated Alyssa Milano for a while. There’s my guesses! And the pick-up line of the week: “I drink my own cum.” It will either get you a date with an avid snowballer or a free stick of gum.

I guess this actor used to be B list. In a technical sense he might have been an A lister in television. He is a C now. I don’t think once you have risen as high as he was that you can ever go down to D. Anyway, our actor who has been around for awhile has a bit of a booze problem. OK, a big booze problem. Well he decided to take his child/dren to a premiere and got absolutely hammered out of his mind on booze. He then got hot and had his shirt unbuttoned and open and was just a mess. Someone from the studio took him home but it was really embarrassing. (CDAN)

The. Hoff. Question. Mark.

A little less than a year ago, we ran an item about a tweener (who is usually portrayed as a good girl) who was eager to star in a television series about a former porn star. Well, she is still going to do the series (which is stuck in development) but she has swapped roles with another actress, because she decided that she wants to portray a classier character. Instead of playing the porn star, she will now play a character based on this former supermodel. Frankly, we don’t think that this supermodel (who was a druggie and notorious man-eater) is any classier than the porn star. Name the 1. Good Girl, 2. Porn Star, and 3. Former Supermodel. (Blind Gossip)

Vanessa Hudgens, Marilyn Chambers and Janice Dickinson? And here’s the first blind item about this shit for reference.

The hair stylist who glued on a broke down bathroom drain weave over Kate Gosselin’s possum head for the cover of People Magazine said it would cost 6,450 American dollars if he did it in his salon. So if Kate Gosselin needs a touch up in his salon, the kids will have to eat butter noodles for the rest of the month.

Ted Gibson of the Ted Gibson Salons tells Radar that he would normally charge $950 to trim Kate’s possum, $500 to throw some Surgi on her hair for highlights, and another $5,000 for the long extensions. That brings the grand total to $6,450! Ted added that they were together for around 20 hours. I’m sure Ted spent 16 of those hours trying to dodge the rabid possum’s attacks.

This is ridiculous. Almost $6,5000 FOR THAT! The Rock of Love skanks could fix Kate Gosselin up for free in 5 easy steps:

1: Go diving for weave scraps in the dumpster outside of Brit Brit’s house.
2. Paste weave scraps on Kate’s head using nail glue.
3. Go to nearest bar, get Kate so liquored up that she passes out on the men’s bathroom floor.
4. Leave Kate on the bathroom floor for at least 3 hours so that her weave soaks up enough urine, beer and jizz crust to achieve that full-bodied skank look.
5. Give Kate’s weave a final tousle while she does a shot out of a skank’s vagina.

There you go! And it would look way better than that shit she has on her head now.

If Tommy Girl starred in a re-worked version of Castaway, it would look something like this clip from tonight’s Man vs. Wild.

Bear Grylls demonstrates what you should do if you ever find yourself dehydrating to death on a tiny raft in the middle of the ocean. You know, I’m all for gargling fetid (Google is our fweeeend) water with my ass to keep from dying a slow death, but where is this tube supposed to come from? Bear didn’t say anything about catching a whale with my bare hands and then ripping out its veins with my teeth to use as a tube. Note to self: Always have a tube in your ass.

And I’d like to think that the cameraman slowly sipped on an iced coffee while filming Bear rinsing out his colon.

via WOW Report

The two of you out there who gave yourself a meth enema to stay awake while watching El Cantante in its entirety (I’m raising my guilty hand with you, Skeletor), know that a frozen burrito would’ve done a better job playing JLo’s role of Puchi. Hell, Poochie the dog would’ve done a better job. But according to the master thespian herself, she thinks she should have an Oscar sitting right next to her Razzie Award on the shelf above her toilet.

JLo, who had to speak through her vagina because her head was so far up her ass, told Latina Magazine, “I feel like I had that [Oscar worthy role] in El Cantante, but I don’t even think the academy members saw it. I feel like it’s their responsibility to do that, to see everything that’s out there, everything that could be great. Well, it is a little bit frustrating. It was funny; when the Oscars were on, I had just given birth on the 22nd, and the Oscars, I think, were a day or two later. I was sitting there with my twins—I couldn’t have been happier—but I was like, ‘How dope would it have been if I would’ve won the Oscar and been here in my hospital bed accepting the award?’ ‘Thank you so much! I just want to thank the academy!’ But we joked about it. It’s all good. Things will happen when they’re supposed to happen. I have the utmost faith and no doubt that it will one day, when and if it’s supposed to. You can’t get all crazy twisted over it.”

It would’ve been dope alright. Every academy member would have had to be higher than Spaghetti Cat in a Barilla factory to even consider nominating JLo for that mess. You can’t even watch ten seconds of that shit without swallowing a dope lab.

Oh, JLo, I hope you never ever peek out of your bubble of delusion to take a good whiff of reality. It’s more entertaining this way.

Matt Kemp of the L.A. Dodgers (“The Bison” if you love to smack a bare ass in the locker room) seems happier Ryan Gaycrest getting a prostate exam while grabbing onto RiRi’s nalgas in Mexico yesterday. Or maybe he’s just happy because he knows there’s photographic evidence of him giving RiRi’s cheeks a hand hug. Yeah, that’s probably it.

But Matt really should be using his hands to grab a gigantic hat to cover up RiRi’s fried “Drop Dead Fred meets a Sun-In bottle” hair.

Hopefully, after Matt finished giving her stomach an Eskimo kiss (see thumbnail 7), he took her down to the beach to get her hair braided by a professional! When she comes back from getting hers in Mexico, let’s hope she strolls through the airport looking like this. Now that is the fucking look.

While White Oprah spent her New Years passed out in a La-Z-Boy with empty Bartles & Jaymes bottles strewn around her, her daughters spent the holiday dirtying up the island of St. Barts. In between checking hotel ash trays for smokable cigarette butts and sitting in on 3-hour timeshare presentations for free drink tickets, LiLo found time to Tweet!

In her Tweets, LiLo cyber kicked SamRo in the pussy bone (just like daddy) and promised to spread the Lohan virus even further in 2010. Wrap yourself in a fumigation tent and read LiLo’s crackiness:

Wishing everyone a blessed new year in 2010! Everyone get ready for more (but positive-LOHAN MAYHEM!!!!!!!!) Thanks for all of your support!
7:56 PM Dec 31st, 2009 from UberTwitter

Me, HOV, beyoncé, Ali Lohan, @paufdenkamp @jessicaschul usher and many more ringin’ in the new year coz THAT’S WASSUP
8:03 PM Dec 31st, 2009 from UberTwitter

To answer everybody’s question…My new years resolution is to stop letting the lucky few that have my heart, try2constantly tear me down.
11:15 PM Jan 1st from UberTwitter

2010 is about moving forward, not backwards. Leaving the bad (people, habbits, and negative energy behind) time to make changes-right!?!? 🙂
11:18 PM Jan 1st from UberTwitter

Lohan Mayhem sounds like a rash you get on your asshole from self-tanner build-up. And the drug dealers of the world shouldn’t report to the end of the unemployment line just yet. When I Googled “habbit,” this came up, so I don’t think LiLo was referring to the bad shit. She’s simply going to switch to The Tongue for 2010.

Here’s LiLo working it like a Google Street View prostitute in St. Barts the other day.