200 villagers in Blantyre, Malawi will have to pack up all their belongings and move to another home after the government came knocking at their doors telling them they had to get the hell out to make way for Vadge’s $15 million school for girls (aka The See, I Can Be Oprah Too Academy). For months, the villagers have refused to leave, but Vadge opened up her coin purse and dropped $115,00 on them to relocate.

The Lilongwe District Commissioner told the villagers: “Government allowed you to occupy this land because there was no project yet. But now that Madonna wants to build you a school you have to give way. You are lucky that Madonna has compensated you for your houses, gardens and trees.”

One of the villagers said his family had lived on that plot of land for three generations, and the $1,500 Vadge put in his pocket is not nearly enough to replace his three houses and mango trees.

If you put on a pair of 3D glasses, this story looks just like Avatar. I mean, I know Vadge is built like Colonel Miles, but DAMN! Couldn’t she have trimmed Baby Jesus’ allowance a bit, and given that extra cash to the villagers? Although, she could’ve gotten them to run for their lives without paying them a dime. All she would’ve had to do was put up a giant billboard featuring her unphotoshopped face near their houses. Scarevadge!

via HuffPo

It goes without saying that my favorite ad from last night’s Super Commercial Bowl 2010 was Betty White’s commercial for Snickers. Betty White is like bacon. Her presence makes everything better. That being said, Snickers did get it a little twisted. Betty White could murder a herd of Khloe Kardashians just by flinching, so I didn’t appreciate that “you’re playing like Betty White” line. More like you’re NOT playing like Betty White.

The rest of the commercials paled in comparison, but let’s talk bout a couple of them anyway. Google’s ad was at the top of a bunch of lists. While watching this mess, I couldn’t help but think that Hollywood is going to turn this into a feature-length romantic comedy starring Tom Hanks as the Googler and Meg Ryan as the French girl. You’ve Got Google In Paris!

Oprah and Letterman’s sequel to their 2007 ad also starred Conan O’Brien’s dream killer. The commercial is more entertaining if you picture all of them pantless. And also if you picture Gayle King munching on Oprah’s Frito-Lay pie.

Click here to see the rest of the commercials. The theme of the night was the balls-less man! Is Kate Gosselin producing commercials now?

Carrot Top, the Thundercats version of Jacqueline Labofish Stallone, summoned the panty pudding at Fred Segal in Santa Monica yesterday by lifting up his shirt and exposing his freckled MAN DOWN CODE 10 situation and split buns.

Why don’t you give your froat a break today, and let your genitals do the dry heaving while looking at these pictures. Carrot Top will bring the carrot stick and you bring the ranch dressing!

Lucky Vanous, star of my favorite canceled TV show of 1997 Pacific Palisades. But Lucky is best known for making a bunch of office ladies (who all look like they are going to an audition for the part of Janine in Ghostbusters) brew the panty pudding in a Diet Coke commercial from 1994.

Lucky’s furry nipples can definitely make genitals melt, but who the hell drinks Diet Coke (without whiskey) at 11:30 in the morning?! Cut to you drinking a Diet Coke at 11:30 in the morning.

(For Tal)

To celebrate the 75th anniversary of Monopoly, Hasbro has decided to give the game an extreme makeover by changing the shape of its board from a square to a donut. They also got rid of the sherbert-colored money, and replaced it with some kind of stupid electronic debut card. And instead of collecting $200 when you pass go, you now collect $2 million.

Hasbro said that the original concept design of Monopoly was round, so it’s not something they randomly came up with as a way to get collectors to buy a new version. They came up with the electronic pin card idea, because they wanted to stop people from embezzling money from the bank. Boo. Ooo.

Thank you, Hasbro, but no fucking thanks. I’ll stick with my beat up Monopoly game with the beer-stained money and Barbie Peekabo game pieces (I lost the iron and top hat). I’m all for Monopoly being in the shape of a pill, but I won’t play a game that doesn’t allow you to cheat. The only way I can ever win a 22-hour long game of Monopoly is if I Bernie Madoff the bank and my fellow players when nobody is looking.

When playing Monopoly with me, either wear a diaper or bring a bottle to piss in (like – NSFW – this boy), because I will loot the bank if you go to the bathroom.

Methinks Hasbro is going to realize their mistake and try to fix it by coming up with a way for you to commit credit card fraud or hack into the bank.

Roberta Flack – Just when I was starting to think that last night’s 16-hour long Grammy Awards was not going to deliver an ounce of potent glamour, Roberta Flack floated onto the stage looking like a delicious milk chocolate version of Endora from Bewitched. I wanted her to serenade me while sitting on an airplane wing. Roberta’s hair did remind me of my grandmother’s mangy Cocker Spaniel who could make hairbrushes break in two just by look at them. But that’s part of Roberta’s glamour and I’m buying it. Killing me softly for real.

Below is Roberta’s performance with Maxwell last night. Just skip to 3:12 for a breath of fresh air!