Phil Donahue (80)
Jinger Duggar (22)
Tom Sturridge (30)
Steven Yeun (32)
Shaun Morgan (37)
Lukas Rossi (39)
Natalie Grant (44)
Julie Delpy (46)
Khrystyne Haje (47)
Kiefer Sutherland (49)
Andy Dick (50)
Ray Romano (58)
Jane Kaczmarek (60)
Jeffrey Katzenberg (65)
Samuel L. Jackson (67)
Thierry Mugler (67)
Jane Fonda (78)

Pic: Wenn.com

Before I get to Samantha Micelli’s hair, I want to acknowledge how perfectly staged this picture is. It’s like the poster for a Lifetime made-for-TV movie from 1994 about a cosmetics tycoon named Barbara St.Candace who is being framed for murder by her twin sister called “Myself, My MURDERER.” Aka, it’s perfect.

Stop whatever you’re doing, because I have some BREAKING news about Alyssa Milano’s hair. In case you couldn’t tell from the picture above, Alyssa Milano cut it all off. Her stylist confirmed that it wasn’t just a generic “Attention-Loving Kalifornia Momager” wig from Party City by posting a selfie with her stylist to Instagram. Normally a hair cut wouldn’t (or shouldn’t) get this much attention, but it is, because she finally has the high-drama hair that her 15-month-old baby deserves. In case you’ve forgotten, Alyssa blessed her most recent baby with the name Elizabella Bugliari, and when your kid sounds like a $1,098 bottle of Champagne, you better bring it hard. That haircut took her from Television Star Alyssa Milano to “Milano…just Milano, darling.” The only thing missing is a white mink coat draped over the shoulders of that black turtleneck, and I’m pretty sure we’ve got the jealous twin sister who is framing Barbara St.Candace for murder. Oh, and a professional photographer – Milano would never be so tacky as to take her own photo.

Pic: Instagram

Back in November, the second greatest singer in the world (yes second – she’ll have to pry the crown and scepter out of Celine Dion’s hands with a crowbar) Adele admitted to Rolling Stone that she had belted out the opposite of “Hello” to smokes and booze after she had her kid. Adele said that she loved smoking but quit because she didn’t want her kid to watch his mommy die from a ciggy-related illness. Now The Mirror (via HuffPo) is elaborating a little more.

According to The Mirror, Adele was putting back 25 darts a day four years ago, which is about a pack a day for those of you who don’t regularly suck on cigarettes. Around the same time, Adele lost her voice and had to get surgery on her throat. And apparently that put the fear in her and made her want to flush all her fags down the loo.

“If I’d carried on smoking I’d probably have died from a smoking-related illness and I think that’s really bad. If I was dying from lung cancer I would have potentially given it to myself and that wouldn’t be something I’d be proud of.”

It’s good that Adele quit, because who would step in and cause an endless 404- error on all the electronic number counters at Ticketmaster if she were to fly up to Heaven on her smoky lungs? Yes, that’s my segue for another “Adele keeps breaking things” story. First it was sales records, now it’s the Ticketmaster website. Billboard says that over 10 million people tried to buy the 750,000 tickets that were available for Adele’s North American tour on Thursday. And when that many people try to cram into one place on the internet, it usually ends with spinning wheels and frozen screens and people cussing out Ticketmaster on social media.

Ticketmaster says Adele’s ticket sales didn’t crash their website. The Ticketmaster customer service employees who had to deal with the legion of angry Adele-inquents who didn’t get tickets, on the other hand. I’m sure they tried to cope by pulling a reverse-Adele. “I just got off the phone with my third sobbing person. Pass me that giant bucket of booze and smokes.”

Pic: Splash

In case you’re wondering why I chose to cover up Miley Cyrus’ NSFW bits with two Baywatch floaties, it’s because it felt appropriate to visually balance out the plastic on the right with some plastic on the left. I know, what a waste of time – acting like I could ever match the high levels of factory-manufactured synthetic glamour of Pamela Anderson with two pitiful plastic rescue floaties.

Miley Cyrus must have been reminded that there’s only a few more days before Santa Claus comes to town, and that if she wants to wake up Christmas morning and find a shiny new bong and a bottle of Elmer’s stuffed in her stocking, she better do something to ensure a permanent spot on the nice list. So she pulled a Taylor Swift (or at least the vape-smoking Ebike-riding Kmart parking lot version of Taylor Swift) and “Please welcome to the stage“-d international icon of ageless beauty Pamela Anderson at her Dead Petz show in Los Angeles last night.

Pamela Anderson doesn’t need a reason to be on stage any more than a dazzling gemstone needs a reason to be glued onto an exquisite nipple pasty, but Pammy came prepared and used her time on stage to draw attention to the whales. Specifically, saving them. Sadly, Pammy’s homemade Save The Whales sign couldn’t steal the spotlight from her ‘Just woke up on a stranger’s couch’ hair, Sunday morning breakfast-making cotton underwear ensemble, and Klassy Times™ stripper heels. But she tried, and that’s all that matters.

That’s the way you bring attention to a cause! You write your message on your thigh and bust out a Sally O’Malley on Beth Ditto Penguin. “I’m Pamela Anderson, and I like to kick, streeeeetch, and kick. I’m (almost) fifty!”

Here’s more of Pamela showing Miley Cyrus how it’s done (“it” being “prancing around half-naked in your underwear“) last night. Obviously most of these are NSFW, thanks to Miley’s airbrushed clit panties and rubber boobies.

Pics: Splash

Thanks to a little thing called The Internet, finding out if you’re about to perform for a dictator-type has never been easier. For example, you could throw their name into a search engine with the words “is maybe a dictator?” and see what comes up. Or you could use email and see if you receive any concerned emails from human rights groups with the subject line: “So I heard you’re about to perform for a dictator…“. Or, if you’re Nicki Minaj, you say “Fuck it” and perform for the dictator anyway.

The Daily Mail says that the possessed Crank Yankers puppet joined Mariah Carey’s Make That Angolan Dictator Money Club yesterday by performing at a Christmas party hosted by Unitel, a company part-owned by Angolan dictator-type José Eduardo dos Santos. Although really, even if the Daily Mail wasn’t saying shit about it, we’d still know she did it, thanks to the whole mess of pictures she threw up on Instagram before and after the show. Like the one of her wrapped in the Angolan flag (see above), or posing with José Eduardo dos Santos’ daughter and richest woman in Africa, Isabel dos Santos.

But maybe Nicki didn’t know she was performing for shady people? Well….I don’t know. According to the Daily Mail, human rights groups side-eyed her decision to do so and claimed that her performance was “an endorsement” of President dos Santos’ authoritarian rule. But they don’t say whether they told her before hand or not? Today I learned: human rights groups are totally that friend of yours who don’t warn you that the dude you’re about to bone will leave you with a rash on your business until after you ask them to come with you to pick up a tube of coochie cream.

Speaking of money, the Daily Mail says Nicki went home with a check for $2 million. When Mimi performed for the dos Santos family, she only got $1 million. And there’s your proof that the dos Santos family is dark-sided and corrupt; paying Nicki Minaj $2 million, but stiffing a glittering cotton candy goddess like Mariah Carey with a paltry $1 million? EVIL!

Here’s a couple pics of Nicki arriving in Luanda, Angola yesterday (courtesy of Nicki herself), as well as her wearing what appears to be the funeral-appropriate version of Brit Brit’s Toxic bodysuit.

Pics: Instagram

The human lightning bolt of raw sex and charisma who stole the entire show from the Jabbawockeez at the Las Vegas Bowl yesterday!

Thank you to reader Dory who lit up my loins yesterday by showing me this clip from the Las Vegas Bowl of a topless shooting star making a Jabbawockeez performance a zillion times hotter by rolling out pucker-inducing moves on the sidelines. The Eyes Wide Shut mime troupe known as the Jabbawockeez were performing yesterday and at around the 0:25 mark in the clip below, the spotlight gets snatched away from them by a shirtless wonder who does the drunk bro mating call dance in front of everyone.

Who ever wrote “Sex Bomb” for Tom Jones must be directly related to Miss Cleo, because they probably looked into the future, saw this sex machine at work and it inspired them to write that song. Dude has all kinds of moves. He made that body bounce, he humped the air and he completely owned an invisible hula hoop. The streets of Las Vegas are probably flooded with panty pudding today and it’s all because of this guy:

No, the Jabbawockeez should not be pissed that their show was stolen right out from under them. They should be grateful and honored that they (sort of) shared the stage with a real star. And Coldplay can go ahead and cross off “performing at the Super Bowl” on their calendars, because they’re definitely going to get replaced with this god of dance!