Coldplay Is Doing The Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show

December 3, 2015 / Posted by:

And now you know what Chris Martin’s face looked like as he lived out his wet dream fantasy by furiously fucking a Whopper minutes after his marriage to Goopy Paltrow ended.

Sadly, Left Shark isn’t headlining its own Super Bowl Halftime Show next year. Nearly every website on earth says that Coldplay is headlining the Halftime Show on February 7, 2016 at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, CA. That decision makes sense. Pepsi is sponsoring the Halftime Show again, and they know that when you fall into a coma while watching Chris Martin warble out songs, you’ll need to wake yourself up by injecting gallons of their stuff into your veins. Pepsi, I know your game!

Coldplay’s new album comes out tomorrow and Beyonce, Noel Gallagher, Tove Lo and even Goopy Paltrow sing on it. So any of them could join Coldplay on stage. UsWeekly says that Bruno Mars, who did the Halftime Show in 2014, is going to be involved somehow.

While I am looking forward to seeing Goopy Paltrow fill with rage as Chris Martin steps out of a giant replica of Jennifer Lawrence’s pussy before singing that song he wrote about boning her, the Super Bowl people should’ve done something extra special. I mean, it is the 50th Super Bowl. They should’ve brought back the greatest Halftime Show performers in history: Up With People!


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