This is not what I imagined when you asked me to hold your wood and give you some head. – ZippyOS

Upvote winner:

Paul Dumbyan. – Mary Queen of THOTs

Pic: Break

Nano, the cat stuck inside of the body of a 20-year-old Norwegian woman!

If you’ve ever found yourself falling deeper and deeper into a k-hole of WHAT THE FUCK by going through the “otherkin” tag on Tumblr or reading about “otherkins” on the Internet, then this Hot Slut of the Day is going to bring back memories of you laughing through the confusion as you read about that stuff. Otherkins are non-humans who say that they were born in the body of the wrong species. A good example of an otherkin all of us know is Pimp Mama Kris. You know, she’s a blood demon from Hell stuck in the body of what looks like a human. But today’s HSOTD is a much kindler and gentler otherkin.

In an interview that was posted on YouTube, Nano says that when she was 16, she realized that she’s a house cat in the body of a human. I see you bitches saying that she should get a reality show called I Am Cat.

Nano hates water, hisses at dogs in public, likes looking at things, sleeps in sinks (????), has a super sense of hearing, can see better than humans at night, prefers to crawl around on all fours and has tried to catch a mouse. Nano also has piercings, wears fake eyelashes and dresses like a goth 9th grader like all cats do. If your cats don’t do that, then they’re not cat-ing right. Nano’s psychologist tells her that it’s just a “phase” and she’ll grow out of it, but she thinks that she’ll forever be a cat.

What will really convince you that Nano is a pussy on the inside is that she is fluent in the complicated language of Meowenese. Nano and her friend Sven, who has a cat personality on the inside, meow at each other and they know exactly what the other one is saying!

You know, I like sleeping as much as possible, I silently judge humans all the time and I lift my b-hole into the air whenever somebody touches my ass, so maybe I’m a cat on the inside too.

But really, that video failed to show me a really important detail. Does Nano shit in a litter box or does she balance on the edge of a toilet as she pisses into it? A sequel to Nano’s story better be on its way, because there are questions that need answers!

Andrew Keegan (37)
Isabel Lucas (31)
Brynne Edelsten (33)
Adam Lambert (34)
Riff Raff (34)
Jonny Lang (35)
Jason James Richter (36)
Justin Hartley (39)
Sara Gilbert (41)
Kelly Packard (41)
Heather Graham (46)
Sam Trammell (47)
Edward Burns (48)
Greg Louganis (56)
Oprah Winfrey (62)
Charlie Wilson (63)
Ann Jillian (66)
Cristina Saralegui (68)
Tom Selleck (71)
Katharine Ross (76)

Hot piece of grease Colin Farrell has a new girlfriend and I’m guessing she spends a lot of their time together with her head down, because she just can’t bring herself to look up and see that tragic haircut – Lainey Gossip 

“What this world really needs is Bristol Palin’s thoughts on #OscarsSoWhite,” said Bristol Palin and Bristol Palin only – The Superficial 

No, Matthew Perry isn’t on the bad shit again. He’s just older and fatter than the “before” picture from 2001 that Star Magazine used – Celebitchy

2016 just keeps bringing the WTF: Boy George is doing the Celebrity Apprentice with Snooki – Reality Tea

You know those jeans your mom worked in the  80s? Bella Thorne is wearing them – Drunken Stepfather

MESS = Iggy Azalea’s look from head to toe – Egotastic! 

When are basics like Kendull Jenner going to learn that if they’re going to wear a 90s choker, it must be black velvet and it must have a Victorian cameo dangling off of it – Popoholic

That goes for you too, Charlotte McKinney! – WWTDD

Susan Sarandon came for Hillary Clinton’s history on gay rights – Towleroad

FOR WHY?! – IDLYITW

Don’t you dress like this when you walk your dog? – Hollywood Tuna

When I saw the words “twerk” and “trolls” in the same sentence, I thought it was about Miley Cyrus. That wouldn’t have been as nearly as scarring as seeing an actual Troll twerk – HuffPo

Aubrey Plaza tried to suck Robert De Niro’s nipples –  Popsugar

And now I really want a black and white cookie – SOW

Kirstie Alley misses the 1960s when Barbie only came in one size. Okay, can somebody please fulfill that bitch’s wish and make a time machine so we can send her back? – Pajiba

Pic: FameFlynet

Since Amber Rose shut down Kanye West’s hilarious Waves-induced meltdown by telling everyone his b-hole gets hungry for finger boning action, a lot of shit has happened. Wiz Khalifa shouted “fuck Kanye” at a show in Argentina, porn star Lisa Ann threatened to put out dick pics Kanye supposedly sent her a while back and Time released an op-ed piece that Amber Rose wrote about how she’s been slut-shamed so much in her life that she doesn’t even care what people think anymore. And in an interview with the podcast Allegedly that airs in full tomorrow, Amber got into the shit that Kanye said about her during his tweet fight with the father of her son. In case you forgot, here’s a few of the stones that broke every wall in Kanye’s glass house full of fame whores:

“You let a stripper trap you.”

“I know you mad every time you look at your child that this girl got you for 18 years.”

“You wouldn’t have a child if it wasn’t for me.”

TMZ posted a preview of her interview on Allegedly and in it, she said that she would’ve kept her tweets to herself if Kanye didn’t drag her son into it. But as soon as he went there, she let everybody smell her finger.

“I would never talk about kids in an argument. It just shows the type of person he is. Even him saying stuff about my son, I still didn’t say anything about his kids. I’m not going to. This is ridiculous. They’re innocent babies. You don’t ever, ever talk about a baby, ever. That just shows how fucking ridiculous he is.”

Amber also said that she’s not at all surprised that Kanye pissed on her (“Baby, why don’t you ever do that to me?!” – Kim) like that, because that’s what he does:

“Um, no. Because I know him. I know he’s a fucking clown. The crazy thing is he came out with a song last week saying that I had my son for a meal ticket. I didn’t even say anything. I was just like, man, he’s a cornball. I’m not saying shit. Then he’s on the Internet like, ‘A stripper trapped you, Wiz.’ But like you took me around the world. We dated for like 2 years. But you’re talking shit about Wiz and my baby? He still talks about me in songs. He still talks about me all day.”

If you read that as, “I know he fucks clowns,” that works too. And really, there’s an easy explanation for why Kanye is obsessed with Amber. Amber’s prostate massage game must be so next level that it drives dudes crazy, or in Kanye’s case, drives crazy douches even crazier. So Kanye is always talking about her because he’s fingermatized. That’s it.

Pic: Splash

Lifetime, television for train wrecks and their admirers, really reached deep up into the universe (read: reached down deep into the bottom of the barrel) and pulled out the brightest stars (read: whoever was desperate enough for a check) for their newest reality show masterpiece The Mother/Daughter Experiment: Celebrity Edition, which starts on March 1st. This mess has become the latest show to completely change the meaning of “celebrity.”

Lifetime has also stolen Vh1’s schtick by pretending like they’ve made a serious show about therapy and healing when they really just made a show about a bunch of crazy bitches fighting with each other while locked up in a house.

This mess stars an all-star cast including Heidi Montag, Courtney Stodden, Shar Jackson, Jessica Canseco, Natalie Nunn (aka the daughter of Mac Tonight who was in the Bad Girls Club) and Kim Richards (who probably shouldn’t be doing another reality shit show, but whatever). A therapist named Dr. Debbie tries to fix their fucked-up relationship with their mother or daughter. But we all know that they’re really there to bring the fake drama for the cameras.

They probably got a bonus for every tear they pushed out of their overly Botoxed faces, because there’s a lot of Botox tears in this trailer:

That show is trashy, gross, an embarrassment to humanity and I will watch every episode twice. And I’m surprised Lindsay Lohan and White Oprah aren’t in this. I mean, they’re apparently back to hating each other. Lifetime probably couldn’t afford LiLo’s usual out-call day rate.

via ONTD