Cindy Crawford as Slutty George Washington!

It’s President’s Day in the US and I’m sure many of you are celebrating George Washington’s born day by buying 20 percent off towels on Macy’s website in between sleeping off the hangover you got from partying (read: crying yourself to sleep) with your soulmate (read: a bottle of Tito’s) on Valentine’s Day night. Yes, I just described my VD night in detail. While cuddling with my soulmate (read: drying my tears on a half-empty bottle of Tito’s while spooning with it under the covers) last night, I remembered that today was President’s Day. And since my mind is pretty much always stuck in the 80s and 90s, when I think about George Washington, I think about Cindy Crawford wearing his favorite summertime outfit (a waistcoat, breeches and a ruffled, satin crop top) on the cover of George magazine.

As most of us know, George magazine was John F. Kennedy Jr.’s attempt to make politics ~cool~ and ~young~. Its first issue came out in September 1995 and after JFK Jr.’s death in 1999, it went on without him but eventually stopped publishing in 2001. Cindy Crawford as Georgina Washington was on the first cover and I remember it being a big deal. A naked Kate Moss as Eve, Drew Barrymore as JFK Jr.’s daddy’s side boo Marilyn Monroe and Claudia Schiffer in nothing but a Clinton/Gore sash were also on the cover of George, but Cindy’s ass is the most memorable one. Oh, the 90s were a simpler time when the sight of Cindy Crawford as a sexy Washington got a lot of attention. If George was still around today, this month’s cover would probably feature Kylie Jenner dressed up as a slutty cherry tree and Tyga (in George Washington drag) trying to chop her down with his peen disguised as an axe.

On that note, Happy President’s Day, everyone!

Alex Borstein (43)
Greer Grammer (24)
Amber Riley (30)
Selita Ebanks (33)
Jenna Morasca (35)
Conor Oberst (36)
Brandon Boyd (40)
Miranda July (42)
Sarah Wynter (43)
Renee O’Connor (45)
Birdman (47)
Gloria Trevi (48)
Jane Child (49)
Michael Easton (49)
Janice Dickinson (61)
Christopher McDonald (61)
Matt Groening (62)
Jane Seymour (65)
Melissa Manchester (65)
Marisa Berenson (69)

Pic: Getty

Let me preface this read by stating I am sitting here in an Old Navy tee I probably bought in 2008 and ill-fitting jeans from Target. (I originally had on some Yeezy Season 3 but I changed.) Now that I’ve admitted that I am the sartorial equivalent of Applebees, let’s proceed.

Fresh from wearing my dog to the Adele concert on Friday night, Katy Perry showed up to the Creators Party at LA’s Cicada last night dressed like this. She probably should have moved on to my other dog cuz’ this is a right mess. She looks like a low-rent drag princess evoking Erotica-era Madge on a budget. That’s ok for a drag princess but this one has “Firework” money.

The real look last night was Elle King’s ginger date dressed like a hipster equestrian. That’s what you go out in. Not Gay Bavaria.

Check out more pics from the Creators Party in the gallery below. Please pay special attention to Sia because that’s obviously what she’s looking for.

Pics: Splash

Fashion Cuisinart Lady Gaga got the dearly departed David Bowie’s face etched on her torso in advance of tomorrow night’s Grammys tribute. Stefani opted for the Aladdin Sane-version Bowie. You can watch her receive her ink in the vid below. I’ve never gotten a tattoo. But it can’t be a pleasant angel kiss. She seems really sedate. Stefani is way tougher than me. Repeatedly stab me in the ribs with a needle and I’m leaving.

Although whatever the hell she took before this event might still be assisting her with pain management.

Gaga announced her latest body art on Snapchat (via People), noting that “this was the image that changed my life,” and rightly proclaiming “Hail Mary full of grace Saint Bowie.” It’s hard for me to bag on her because Bowie is still dead and it’s just not right.

Lady Gaga is currently getting a tattoo of David Bowie by Mark Mahoney⚡️ pic.twitter.com/P9KwDbjXW3

— Lady Gaga | ARTPOP (@stevenartpop) February 14, 2016

For an up-close look at Bowie’s face on Gaga’s bod, click below.

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True-to-life terminator Ronda Rousey is punching and kicking the blood and snot out of this year’s Sports Illustrated “Swimsuit Issue” cover. They better have put her on the cover. No one wants a blonde death machine flinging the desks about in the editorial department.

Rousey tweeted that she was honored to share the cover with fellow bikini jockeys Ashley Graham and Hailey Clauson. The magazine has released three different covers for the annual issue this year. Collect all of them for your fapping pleasure!

In other intriguing swimsuit issue news, Sports Illustrated has discovered that beauty is not just a size zero. It might even be a size 2, according to SI Associate Managing Editor MJ Day.

“The three covers of Hailey, Ronda and Ashley celebrate the new SI Swimsuit. All three women are beautiful, sexy and strong. Beauty is not cookie cutter. Beauty is not ‘one size fits all.’ Beauty is all around us and that became especially obvious to me while shooting and editing this year’s issue.”

WRONG. The beauty standard should be emaciation with huge tits! This is America, you wrong-headed weirdos. My fupa should be chased through the streets with torches and pitchforks!

Check out Ronda, Ashley and Hailey finding out they’re sharing the cover this year below. You’ll also notice that host Nick Cannon looks like his post-Mimi marriage wilding out bender is mid-full swing.

See all of the covers in the gallery.

Pics: Sports Illustrated

Kanye West’s frantic and furious missives from yesterday and last night surely tore the Twitter bird a new asshole. Halfway through another one of his epic digital hissies, you could almost hear that beautiful social media symbol coo “FUCK THIS MESS” and wing off to the nearest barroom or marijuana dispensary.

West took on Media Takeout for not liking his *cringe* Rwandan refugee camp-inspired fashion show/listening party. He sucked Rihanna’s ego hard. He praised former mother-in-law Caitlyn Jenner while posting a pic of him looking incredibly uncomfortable next to her. He Tweeted about what an interstellar genius he is. He Tweeted about what an interstellar genius he is some more. His best boyfriend Ricardo Tisci got some love for the Valentine’s Day bouquet he sent Yeezus. He proclaimed that he’s 53 million in debt. He complimented his dealer on how good the coke was that he was doing to fuel this particular Twitter marathon. I made that last one up. Nevertheless, a lot went down.

Amidst all this, his new record The Life of Pablo went up on Tidal for free. Listen for the Taylor Swift sexual availability boast, stay for the brittle egomania.

Follow the jump for the full rundown but have a stiff drink on hand. It’s a lot of feelings.

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