The “not the one” rat mom who fucked a snake up to save her rat baby!

A badass rabbit mama was inducted into The Not The One Fight Club last year when a video came out of her getting a snake together and taking that trick to Whoop Town after it tried to eat her chirrun. Well, that badass rabbit mama better take off her boxing gloves for one second to welcome a new member to the gang. This Planet Earth meets Mortal Kombat video was shot on the roadside somewhere and it stars a rat mom who didn’t have a pocket book or a chancleta to take a snake down, so she had to use her claws.

When the video starts, the snake already has the rat baby in its mouth and is trying to get away, but the rat mom, whose got the spirit of Rikki-Tikki-Tavi running through her veins, isn’t going to let that happen. Like the rabbit mama, the rat mom pounces on the snake and even after the snake drops her baby, she doesn’t let a ho get away. The rat mom has either two options: Let that bitch go and cry to its snake mommy or give it an ass whoopin’ it won’t ever forget. That rat mom knew she wouldn’t be inducted into The Not The One Fight Club if she didn’t go with option two, so that’s what she did. As her rat baby thanked the lord it has a crazy mom who doesn’t fuck around, the rat mom went after that snake and I’m surprised the snake didn’t shed its skin real fast out of fear. Git it, rat mom!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L47FWfhYM5Y

If the snake wasn’t screaming mercy, it could probably hear rat mom screaming at it to tell its friends about her. And someone should really put rat mom and Chris Brown in a room together.

via The Daily Mail 

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Pic: The Hollywood Reporter

As Americans celebrate America’s independence by filling our stomach bags with the sweet nectar and charred hot dogs, the Hiddlestoners are in a fetal position, silently crying to themselves as they wish for the day when they’ll be able to celebrate Tom Hiddleston’s independence from ToTay!

In one of my million posts about this mess, I joked that soon Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift would be wearing matching “T Heart T” t-shirts during one of their pap strolls. And well, that joke became a tragic reality yesterday when Tom wore an “I Heart TS” tank top and a T heart fake arm tattoo during his and Tay Tay’s canoodle show for the paps on the beach in front of her mansion in Rhode Island. Just when you think Tom has reached the peak of “Bitch, what are you doing?” he finds a way to top himself. And the thought of Tom topping himself sounds hot, but not in this case.

Every year, the running of the attention whores hits a beach in Rhode Island when Taylor hosts her annual Fourth of July weekend party. Taylor’s closest friends (read: the ones with the most Twitter followers) all splashed around in the water on the beach yesterday. It was a mishmash of randoms including Gigi Hadid, Karlie Kloss, a knocked up Blake NotSoLively, Ryan Reynolds, Ruby Rose, Cara Delawhatever, Uzo Aduba and Martha Hunt.

Just Jared has a few pictures of everyone posing for those Instagram likes, but here’s a few.

Taylor, Tom, Ruby and Gigi in Rhode Island today pic.twitter.com/g9eDU89iSj

— Taylor Swift News (@TSwiftNZ) July 4, 2016

You may be shaking your head too much to notice, but Taylor’s (alleged) silicone titty balls are standing all the way up in that elegant bikini, which is something that a lot lizard would wear while drunkenly dancing to a Skynyrd song in the back of an El Camino at a block party in 1984. In other words, I love it.

And Tom is either PR-matized (he is) or he’s into some hardcore BDSM shit, because wearing an “I Heart TS” tank in public when you’re a grown man is the ultimate act of humiliation. If it was in my contract to wear that mess out in public, I’d lie to everyone and say that I’m only wearing it because I’m a huge T.S. Eliot fanboy.

Vanilla Ice’s iconic American flag leather jacket!

In the late 1980s, The ghosts of every person who helped design the American flag simultaneously clutched their ghost chest all proud-like and said, “I can FINALLY be proud of my work,” when a truly elegant leather version of their creation was worn by a half-dissolved rapping ass suppository from Florida.

When the living blueprint for Justin Bieber’s future first popped up on the stroll and showed our ears what real music sounds like, he wore an exquisitely-crafted American flag leather jacket that along with his “Elvis after getting attacked by a bottle of Sun-In” pompadour and his raccoon tail brow, made up his signature look. Vanilla Ice wore that jacket so damn much in the early 90s, and nobody could blame him for it. If we all owned a jacket that looked like something Betsy Ross sewed herself with scraps from a Wilsons Leather factory, we too would wear it like a second skin.

That jacket is like the hot douche version of an American flag thong bikini. If a can of Natty Light and a mullet bareback fucked in a Port-A-Potty at a Nascar tailgate party and made a baby and that baby was transformed into a jacket, it would look like Vanilla Ice’s perfect American flag jacket.

A few years ago, Vanilla Ice said that he nearly committed a highly illegal act by burning one of his beautiful American flag leather jackets:

“At one point about 10 years ago I was going to burn it, and film myself burning it, because I had a problem with my whole past…but I’ve made peace with it and now I love it. Holla pop your collar!”

If he went through with it, it would have been a shame for America, because we would have lost an important patriotic artifact. It would have also been a shame for Vanilla Ice, because he would’ve ended up in prison. In the 90s, Congress overwhelmingly passed this act:

Whoever knowingly mutilates, defaces, physically defiles, burns, maintains on the floor or ground, or tramples upon Vanilla Ice’s American flag leather jacket shall be fined under this title or imprisoned for not more than one year, or both.

So on this Fourth of July, let’s be grateful that the thirteen colonies declared independence from the motherland, because if they didn’t, the United States of America as we know it would not exist and we wouldn’t have Vanilla Ice’s leather jacket in our lives. Happy Fourth, tricks!

Pics: Getty, Wenn.com

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Remind me to never get Serena Williams’ order wrong at the drive-through. She will come through a wall and beat you with the fry-o-lator, judging by this footage of her taking a hissy fit out on her poor racquet at Wimbledon. Serena apparently felt that her match wasn’t going well so she smashed her sporting equipment and then disposed of the body by carelessly flinging it behind her. Cold. She was fined for this behavior but she’s still free to walk the streets. Who knows how many racquets have been beaten to death and unceremoniously tossed into the bushes behind her mansion’s tennis court? Someone call Dateline NBC.

Watch Serena Williams lose it on her racquet below.