Kobe And Vanessa Bryant Are Having Another Kid
Another day, another baby announcement! Babies are like Pokemons – they’re everywhere, and just so hot this summer. So this time the baby in question belongs to Kobe Bryant and his wife Vanessa Bryant. People says that Kobe announced on Instagram yesterday that Vanessa is knocked up. It also means she’s secured herself a third child support check in the event they ever go through with a divorce. Congrats, Vanessa!
Baby Mamba totally sounds like a class you drop your infant off at while you go to Zumba. Kobe doesn’t say when Baby Mamba is due, but she will be Kobe and Vanessa’s third daughter. They already have a 13-year-old named Natalia Diamante and a 10-year-old named Gianna Maria-Onore. I’m sure there will be some people out there who see that massive lapse in time since Vanessa’s last pregnancy and whisper “band-aid baby“, but no! Stop being a hater! The only thing Vanessa loves more than collecting expensive-ass handbags and apology joo-ree is hanging out with her kids. Besides, it’s not that strange to wait ten years to get knocked up, especially when you’re married to Kobe. It probably takes that long to catch him on a night where he hasn’t already emptied the contents of his balls into someone else.
Pic: Wenn.com
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS For July 12th!
The artist was asked to create a model to demonstrate the Heimlich Maneuver. Instead he made a model to demonstrate the Heinie Lick Maneuver. Curse you auto-correct! – imnotannie
Upvote winner:
You can easily identify Donald Trump supporters. White, non-descript, and a touch of fermented orange. – magusxxx
Pic: Reddit
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Michael Baker, the Pokemon Go-a-holic who reportedly got stabbed in the shoulder while playing his (and everyone who doesn’t have shit to do) current drug of choice!
I played Pokemon Go for a grand total of 2 seconds and I stopped when I realized that I had to leave my house to play it. Fuck that. If Pokemon Go was called PokeMeMan and instead of catching Pokemons, you caught dick, then I’d totally leave my house for it. But I’m alone, because nearly every human on the planet, even growns with jobs, are playing that mess. And yet, I still don’t think we’ve reached peak Pokemon Go. Sure, a girl found a dead body while playing, and thieves are using it rob people, and messes are playing it at places like Auschwitz, but I bet things are about to get much more messed up. I think we’re close, though. Case in point: this story that may make you want to call NASA to ask them when the next flight off of this planet is.
Birthday Sluts
Cheech Marin (70)
Tulisa Contostavlos (28)
Colton Haynes (28)
Steven R. McQueen (28)
Ida Maria (32)
Aya Cash (34)
Corey Clark (36)
Scott Porter (37)
Jessica Barth (38)
Ashley Scott (39)
Deborah Cox (42)
Ken Jeong (47)
Robert Gant (48)
Tom Kenny (54)
Cameron Crowe (59)
Phil Margera (59)
Louise Mandrell (62)
Didi Conn (65)
Daphne Reid (68)
Ernő Rubik (72)
Harrison Ford (74)
Robert Forster (75)
Patrick Stewart (76)
Johnny Gilbert (92)
Pic: Getty
Night Crumbs
Lil’ Kim was one of the Queens of Hip Hop who was honored by Vh1 last night, and when she took to the stage, how many messes do you think mistook her for a Pokemon and tried to catch her ass? – Lainey Gossip
Kate Beckinsale’s Donald Trump costume is pretty spot-on – Drunken Stepfather
This story about Adele sending a peon on a 140-mile journey to fetch her a pizza she didn’t even eat is most likely a lie, but it should still be investigated by the authorities. Because wasting pizza should be an international crime! – Celebitchy
FYI: Adriana Lima wore a red two piece in Mykonos – The Nip Slip
“And the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress goes to….it’s a tie! Brandi Glanville and Erika Jayne!” – Reality Tea
I hope this new gay version of The Bachelor is as shitty as Boy Meets Boy because I loved every second of that mess – Towleroad
Thankfully, Larry the Cat will not become Larry the Homeless Cat – Jezebel
Kristen Stewart’s ensemble is such a mish-mash that it looks like a Salvation Army donation box shat up on her – Popoholic
Bella Thorne and her sister served up Burning Man hooker elegance in Rome – Hollywood Tuna
We’re all going to prison – Pajiba
I guess that kid never watched The Soup, because if he did he’d know that Kim Kartrashian is only famous because of her sex tape and big ass. And I’m also jealous of that kid, because he doesn’t really know who Kim Kartrashian is – SOW
Taylor Swift visited with kids at a children’s hospital while her contract boyfriend was at work – Just Jared
JLo is totally going to fire her ghost Twitterer – HuffPo
Panty Creamer of the Day: A picture buffet of Jason Momoa’s nipples – Popsugar
Pic: Getty
Who Is June’s Hot Slut Of The Month?
Because I was on vacation last week and busy drinking so much goddamn wine that I’m still pissing out whole grapes, the Hot Slut of the Month showdown is a little late. But I guess it’s never too late to pick the hottest Hot Slut who hot slutted the hottest in June.
Every month’s HSOTM contest seems to be made up of a motley crew and this month is no exception. This month we’ve got one of the most inspirational gay love stories of our time, a political type who has the endurance of a horny teenager on Viagra, a legendary drunk and a pair of rebellious Russian ass cheeks. As always, the first three got the most Facebook likes for the month and the last one was picked by me. Of course I’m going to pick the naked Russian sunbather, because she’s living everyone’s dream and we all wish we could sun our nalgas on the piping hot hate wafting off of the memaws who want us to put some clothes on. Here are your choices:
Frog and Toad -The stars of Arnold Lobel’s Frog and Toad children’s book series and the love that many gay dudes inspire to have. Although, I’m not trying to be Tom and Taylor by wearing matching outfits with my piece.
Senator Chris Murphy – The senator from Connecticut who led an almost 15-hour-long filibuster for tighter gun control laws.
Margaret Foster – The alcoholic secretary from 9 to 5 who will always have your back and cheer you on with an “Atta girl!”
The Rebel Naked Sunbather of Russia – The demure Russian blossom who pissed off her neighbors by sunning her bare flowers pedals every sunny day.
Voting is below. This is a quick one, so the winning Hot Slut of the Month will be crowned on Friday. Vote with your life!