Why, Kim Basinger, Why?!

January 29, 2016 / Posted by:

The first Fifty Shades of Shit movie was duller than wet baking powder but it still made $571 million worldwide and so of course, Universal is shitting out another one. One of the “key roles” in the second movie, Fifty Shades Darker, is Elena Lincoln, the child-whipping pedo who introduced Christian Grey to the world of BDSM when he was 15. There was a funny rumor that Charlize Theron was going to play the role, but that’s not going to happen, because Kim Basinger is going to do it. It’s been over 10 years since Kim has been nominated for a Razzie so maybe she figured that it’s about time she gets another one.

Variety says that Fifty Shits Darker and the third movie Fifty Shits Freed are shooting back-to-back, so Universal is trying put together the main cast before they start filming the sequel. Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan will be back to once again make S&M stuff look about as thrilling and exciting as cold oatmeal made with tap water. Kim will be in the second and third movies as the friend of Christian Grey’s mom who took his V-card, made him her sub and also became his business partner. EW describes the role like this:

Lincoln is a business partner and former lover of the alluring and secretive Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan). Introduced in the second book in E.L. James’ best-selling series, Lincoln sets herself up to be an antagonist for Ana Steele (Dakota Johnson).

Short version: She’s the white lady R. Kelly.

I bet they tried to get Melanie Griffith for that role. Or maybe Melanie Griffith is the one who wanted that role. Whatever the case may be, I’m sure that discussion happened.

Both director Sam Taylor-Johnson Wood and the first movie’s screenwriter Kelly Marcel jumped shit (typo and it stays), so E.L. James’ husband wrote the script for the second movie and James Foley is directing it.

I know that a check is a check, but does Kim really want to cash a check with “For Fifty Shits Darker” written in the memo part? Maybe Kim will save this mess. And what I mean by that is maybe they’ll find a way to write Mickey Rourke into the script and about 10 seconds into the movie, Dakota and Jamie will be pushed to the side and it’ll turn into a 9 1/2 Weeks sequel. That Another 9 1/2 Weeks mess doesn’t count, so don’t bring that up. Even the brilliance of Angie Everheart couldn’t save it.

Pic: Wenn.com

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