That is one bridge you really don’t wanna burn. – OurMissC

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I think we get off at this exit! – NovaNightly

Pic: Tosh.0

Banquet Cookin’ Bags (or sometimes known as, Banquet Boilin’ Bags)!

Since I consider myself a culinary connoisseur who regularly enjoys preparing and tasting fine foods, I made Julia Childs’ most difficult and proudest recipe*, spaghetti pie, a few weeks ago. I made way too much for my mouth to swallow in one sitting, so I did what my ancestors did with leftover food: I poured that shit into an extra large Ziploc bag and froze it. When I wanted to eat it a few days later, I almost gave up, because I had two really hard re-heating options: 1. Pull that frozen block of spaghetti pie out of the bag, drop it on a plate and microwave it (difficult!). 2. Pull that frozen block of spaghetti pie out of the bag, drop it on a baking sheet, turn on the oven and slide it in there (very difficult!). I wished I could just toss that baggie into a pot of bowling water, but since that bag wasn’t boil-able, I knew it would come out looking like Kim Kardashian’s ass: plastic-ey, greasy and inedible. I also wished for simpler times when you could just toss a frozen meal in a bag into boiling water.

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Chris Kattan (46)
Rebecca Ferguson (33)
Gillian Jacobs (34)
Jason Reitman (39)
Omar Gooding (40)
Desmond Harrington (40)
Pras (44)
John Edward (47)
Trey Parker (47)
Jon Favreau (50)
Ty Pennington (52)
Sinitta (53)
Evander Holyfield (54)
Jennifer Holliday (56)
Floyd Mayweather, Sr. (64)
Annie Golden (65)
John Lithgow (71)
Michael Gambon (76)
Divine (1945-1988)
Robert Reed (1932-1992)

Pic: Wenn.com

Jake Gyllenhaal and Jon Hamm presented together at a Broadway fundraiser for Hillary Clinton. If you ask me, their presentation was a total flop, because they didn’t sing and the Hammaconda didn’t make a cameo appearance. They missed out on the perfect opportunity to sing a duet as the Hammaconda harmonized with them. I bet the Hammaconda has a gorgeous voice – Lainey Gossip

Phil Collins and his stunning third ex-wife got back together 8 years after they divorced and she got a $30 million settlement. So if she re-married and eventually re-divorced Phil, will she get another settlement? If that ever happens, she’ll become a supreme goddess to all gold diggers! – Celebitchy

Bella Thorne did a Playboy spread where she showed less than she shows on Snapchat – Drunken Stepfather

I judge every single one of the people who entered a contest to win a tour of Kenya Moore’s house – Reality Tea

Teyana Taylor got oiled-up for Paper – The Superficial

Anna Kendrick is probably pissed that her stylist made her wear that Little House on the Prairie quince dress – IDLYITW

ScarJo chose the perfect dress that can easily take her from the event to her bed – Popoholic

This kitty is either an adorable hero and is trying to save their human from drowning in the tub. Or that kitty is an evil demon and is trying to bite their humans’ wrists so she bleeds to death and it looks like a suicide. Either or! – Hollywood Tuna

I watched all 9 boring minutes of “73 Questions with Emma Stone” and only because I wanted to see her do Britney Spears better than Britney Spears does Britney Spears  – OMG Blog

Frank Ocean isn’t going to get a Grammy next year – Towleroad

Every poster for the new season of the Gilmore Girls looks like the badly Photoshopped cover of a YA e-book – Pajiba

Okay, but what in Sister Wives meets Calico Corners HELL is Lauryn Hill wearing? – Popsugar

In news that was bound to happen, Candy Crush is becoming a game show – Starcasm

If your retinas really needed to be exposed to the sight of a topless Tallulah Willis grabbing her own pussy in an ugly bathroom, here you go – Just Jared

I usually write about Ryan Lochte acting like a boner, so it’s refreshing to write about him popping one instead – SOW

Pic: Getty

The second season of American Crime Story hasn’t even started filming yet, but FX has already ordered and fast-tracked a third season, which will be all about insane serial killer Andrew Cunanan and Gianni Versace’s murder in 1997. Somewhere in the Scientology Celebrity Centre bathhouse, John Travolta busted out of his private massage room and ran off to work on his Italian accent and search his closet for Versace silk shirts from the 90s.

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Shortly after try-hard king Shia LaBeouf’s Las Vegas wedding to his eyebrow-deficient queen Mia Goth was  livestreamed on TMZ, it was revealed that they didn’t legally get married and it might have been a performance art piece. The clerk’s office in Clark County, Nevada couldn’t seem to find a marriage license for the LaGoths and called their ceremony a “commitment ceremony.” Shia clearly wanted to set the record straight about what happened in Las Vegas last week. Shia showed up on today’s episode of Ellen, because Ellen is Shia’s favorite place to go when he wants to explain the shit he’s done.

Shia told Ellen DeGeneres that the plan was for him and Mia to get married in private at the Viva Las Vegas wedding chapel. He claims he and Mia were offered a livestream as part of their wedding package, but they declined it. Shia says he got a call later telling them that someone “pressed the wrong button” and sent a livestream of their wedding to TMZ. Sure they did, Shia.

Shia wasn’t that upset that strangers got to see his ~so cool~ wedding ceremony to his hipster Blythe doll wife. He says they’re proud of it because “it’s love.” Shia is also glad their wedding video was released because their mothers were there, but their dads couldn’t make it.

As for whether or not their marriage is a legal one, Shia didn’t say. Which means that in a couple of months, I have a feeling I’m going to open the internet one morning and read: “Shia LaBeouf and Mia Goth split but not divorced because come on, like that marriage was even real.” Listen to me. Months? How generous.

Screengrab: TMZ