Brad Pitt Might Officially Be Off The Market

September 25, 2019 / Posted by:

I have terrible, awful news for any thirsty congregation members of Kanye West’s Sunday Scam who were planning to “accidentallybrush hands with fellow parishioner Brad Pitt at the merch table this week. According to Us Weekly, things are heating up between Brad and jewelry designer/holistic healer Sat Hari Khalsa.

Brad’s personal life has been all over the place since he was kicked off the private jet, so to speak, by his estranged wife Angelina Jolie (they’re not officially divorced yet, but pretty darn close to it). Brad stayed single for a bit, then started casually dating, then hooked up with MIT professor Neri Oxman, then bro-ed out with his buddy Leonardo DiCaprio, and possibly hooked up with Charlize Theron. Most recently, Brad has been rumored to be dating Sat. Brad was first seen with Sat back in October 2018, when they both attended a fundraiser for the Silverlake Conservatory of Music, but the dating rumors started back up again this month. Brad and Sat were seen attending an Ad Astra after-party last week, which many people believed to be evidence that they’re a couple.

UsWeekly is so convinced they’re a thing, they put Brad on the cover and declared that IT’S LOVE.

According to a source, Brad loves “earthy” Sat, and he’s attracted to her “beautiful mind.” However, don’t expect to hear the sound of wedding bells. Or rather, hand-forged silver wedding chimes charged with purse positive energy (she is a jewelry designer-slash-spiritual healer, after all). That same source says:

“Brad’s not in that mind-set. Sat is very special to him and someone he enjoys spending time with.”

E! News has clearly been talking to a different source, because they claim that Brad isn’t dating Sat at all. One source simply claimed that any dating stories are “false,” while another elaborated just a bit further:

“She was with another girlfriend and was talking to Brad. But, at no point during the party did there appear to be an obvious PDA or any indication that they were romantic. Brad didn’t really talk to her much, he was talking to different groups of people. It was just friendly and not romantic.”

Another source says that Sat is only going to Brad’s house to give him spiritual advice, which totally sounds like an excuse when you want to cover up that a dude has been lighting your sage bush. But E!’s source swears they’re just friendly, and she’s just providing him with “guidance.

Those sources should get together and figure out what’s-what, because someone isn’t telling the truth. In the meantime, someone needs to alert the authorities, because Brad is possibly dating a woman only 5 years younger than himself. That’s right – a rich, hot, and famous dude split from his wife, and didn’t immediately fall in love with someone who is so young, they think Fight Club is what Brad and Angelina call their divorce mediation meetings. “I don’t even know you, man” texted an upset Leo.

Pics:, UsWeekly

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